Flood of Emotions...

[Pinkbunny]

So I was doing fine until today when a flood of emotion comes over me and I started thinking about my ex. We have been in NC for 4 months and I am doing better now OR so I thought. Anyway I guess it just still hurts...ALOT...Sometimes I get into these moments where I am totally fine and then the next moment I am balling my eyes out. Gosh this sucks. I really should not even care what he thinks. The worst part is I do care. Even if he did contact me I probably wouldn't respond b/c I know it would hurt too much. I dont know why this still hurts, I have moved on and I am with someone new. I am also finding it really difficult to be intimate w/my new Bf. I have so many questions left unanswered. Does he think about me? Does he hate me? I hate how relationships have to end and being friends is too hard b/c it hurts so bad. Why does it have to be this way? Why do I even care anymore? I think about my ex everyday, and I hate that. I just wish I could erase the emotions I feel when I think of the memories..Gosh this is so hard.

[Hunny1607307342]

I'm so sorry you're feeling so awful, I feel the same way. I've been broken up with ex 4 months LC and there are times when i feel sooo over it, and then there are times when I'm really really low and I surprise myself with how much it still affects me. It's amazing how hormones affect you though- i think they hugely impact my frame of mind, because remember YOU create the world around you. And on various weeks i percieve everything so positively. Either way, looking back hurts, hence "don't look back, it hurts your neck". You have to think of it all as chapters in your life. They are amazing memories which you should smile about because they happened, don't be sad because they are over, everything happens for a reason and you are destined for better things. Have confidence in your self because to love yourself is the start of a long-life romance (oscar wilde).

 

It seems to be like you're not ready to be in a new relationship though, esp since you said you find it hard to be intimate with your new boyfriend. I would find it hard to become intimate with anyone else too at this point in time as well.

Don't rush into anything that will mess up your emotions.

Good luck with everything and sorry about the excessive quoting

hang in there sweetie xxx

[Clabs]

Hey Pink

 

Sorry you are feeling down today. It sucks but it is all part of the rotten emotional rollercoaster ride that sneaks up on you just as you thought you were doing so well. My thoughts are that 4 months is still relatively early days in the grand scheme of things and you need to give this a bit more time. So far as I was concerned it wasn't really until the 9 month stage when I started feeling much much better about things. You are going to get through this - but be prepared for little blips like this.

 

So far as your new relationship is concerned, I think Hunny is bang on the money here - you think about your ex every day and have so many unanswered questions - you even admit that you are finding it hard being intimate - I think you are not being fair on yourself here and more importantly, you are not being fair on your new partner, because whilst these thoughts still rush around your head then you are not ready for a healthy emotional relationship. You will just be using your new partner to try to get over your ex - a rebound relationship. The pressures and problems from your setbacks will likely put pressure on the new relationship and you will be setting yourself up for a massive fall should the new relationship fail which in my view is very likely.

 

I don't wish to be a party pooper or anything - just want to see you better, that's all! But I think your best course of action would be to be honest with the new partner and tell him you are not ready yet and ask for a bit of time on your own.

 

Take care hun - hope you feel a bit better soon.

 

Mark

[CallingAllAngels]

Well, perhaps this was just an isolated incident. I hope that is the case for you. Sometimes, these things happen. But, if it continues, here are just a few thoughts:

 

As hard as it is, sometimes we just don't get all the answers we want. "Why this and why that".

 

Sometimes there is no "why".

 

Obviously you have a very strong connection with your ex...were you with him a long time? Perhaps 4 months was not long enough for those wounds to heal.

 

You can't get inside of his head to know if he ever thinks of you, or if he ever misses you, or if he still cares for you.

 

The only thing you can change hon is your OWN THINKING. And it's NOT EASY.

 

I can tell you from my own experience that I was married to a man for 12 years who ended up lying and deceiving me for 10 years. I had to accept (am still learning) that I will NEVER get an answer why.

 

I'm telling you this because, in life, sometimes there just are no answers. And, for our own sanity, the only thing we can change is our OWN THINKING.

 

When your mind wanders to thoughts of him and "I wonder..." IMO, you are going to have to change that thought pattern.

 

Remind yourself of the reason you are not with him. There was a reason you broke up.

 

It gets better, and I wish you the very best.

 

~Allie

[starlette08]

PB,

 

all i can tell you is that you're not alone. ive been basically NC with my ex for 2 months now since you're break up and there are times when i am completely fine, and all of a sudden, i'm a complete wreck.

 

talking to friends have really helped me get through it. ive been keeping busy by going to the gym, going out, reading, and watching movies that i never had time to do before when i was in a relationship.

 

i hope you feel better.

[Pinkbunny]

thanks everyone!!!

[jkarp]

pinkbunny,

may i ask how long you were with your guy for? why did you break up? did you break up with him or he broke up with you?

 

if you still think about him and being intimate is hard with your new guy, why are you with your new guy? how do you feel about your new guy? are the feelings you have for your new guy anything close to what you had/have for your ex?

 

i have 2 purposes in asking these questions...

 

1) maybe you make you think about some things

2) to understand my current situation better

 

i would tell you not to worry that everything will be ok, but i'm sick of hearing that myself, so i'll spare you ;-)

 

...josh