ending a commitment phobic relationship

[BMBCELONA]

I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH A COMMITMENT PHOBIC MAN FOR 3 YEARS.

HE WALKS OUT OF MY LIFE SEVERAL TIMES . HE SAYS HE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT HE WANTS.

I LET HIM GO, DO NOT CALL THE MINUTE I START TO FEEL BETTER, 2 WEEKS GOES BY AND HE CALLS WITH ANY EXCUSE. I KNOW WHY HE IS DOING IT , HE WANTS TO MAKE SURE I AM STILL THERE AND I ALWAYS ANSWER. I REALLY HAVE NO CHOICE IF I DO NOT ANSWER HE COMES BY MY HOUSE AND SAYS " HOW COULD YOU NOT ANSWER I WOULD ALWAYS ANSWER FOR YOU. WHATEVER I AM TIRED . I WROTE HIM A DEAR JOHN LETTER TODAY, HE WROTE BACK THAT HE LOVED ME BUT IT IS NOT THE RIGHT TIME FOR HIM. I KNOW HE IS GOING TO CALL ME AGAIN. DO I CHANGE MY NUMBERS? I NEED TO GO ON . IT IS SO HARD TO SAY GOODBYE OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I LOVE HIM BUT I CAN NOT BE DISRESPECTED ANYMORE. I AM SO AFAID I WILL GIVE IN AGAIN.

ONLY TO GET HURT AGAIN? I AM SO CONFUSED . HOW DO YOU BREAK AWAY FROM SOMEONE WHEN THEY WON'T LET YOU?

[mermayd]

You need to be strong in your decisions. You know right now that that is the right thing to do, to break away. You are afraid that he will talk you into getting together again. Try not to let him get into your head. When he's talking, listen, but at the same time, keep telling yourself in your head that you will not give in. I wouldnt change your numbers unless it is becoming a severe problem and you dont feel that you have another choice. Be strong and hold a stern voice when you say," I need to move on from you. I can have you in my life anymore." Explain to him that you are sorry you have to do it this way but you have tried to tell him softly and he hasnt been able to respect what you are asking for. If you show any weakness, he sounds like the type to take any sort of weakness and use it to his advantage, so be strong. I hope I was of decent help.

[KeepItReal1607306446]

It seems like you do okay at not answering the phone, now use that same technique on the door. Do not answer it!

 

Sever the ties completely and do not allow this man to drop lines into your head. Do not give him the opportunity. If you don't hear it, then there's nothing to dwell on.

 

Also, I would change my telephone number, when I could just as easily use caller ID and enable the option that forces people with private numbers and who intentionally block their phones, to release their number. That way, when he calls, you just ignore the telephone number. You can even put a block on the phone to reject his number. Eventually he'll get the picture and go away.

 

Whatever you do, just don't give him the opportunity to get into your head. And lastly, don't let friends talk about him and what he is up to either. Focus your mind on positive thoughts and other useful activities.

[bogahome4]

You are so right in saying that he doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you...RUN...I went through 7 years of this...He would pursue me catch me release me..then when he thought I was dating he was tight back saying that he was afraid that when he figured out he wanted me I would have moved on....and I had...then my brother died and he came back...I begged him to keep away as I was hurting and not in my right mind...well he pursued me...even proposed...moved back in and bammm...the commitment issues went from bad to worse..the emotional abuse...lying, staying away...I finally sent him the following letter...don't know how this happened but he has not talked to me since other than to say it is over

 

the letter

I have always said you are so much your father...and that my fear was that I would become yopur mother...well i believe it has started to happen...you go your merry way and i sit home and wait for you to come home and wonder what your mood will be and how many demands you will make of me...yes...I play along and I feel myself feling less respected and loved every day.

When i think of your mother sitting home every day at the table..waiting for your father...it makes me sad...she deserves so much more...a faithful, loving, giving man....who compliments her...respects her and loves her...I can honestly see why she is so unhappy...I feel it myself....I live it...

And you can say it is my choice and that I can get out anytime...well keep it up and I guarantee I will...I desrve to be treated like a human being...not just someone to cook for you, do your laundry,,,cater to your every need...I cannot and will not give until I am given back to.

Do not call me and ask what this BS is...you know it is true...not BS....think about how you treat me...I have no problem other than feeling used and unloved.....So do some thinking and call me when you have something nice to say..over and he likes his life..

 

well I guess they don't like the truth...they don't want you they want you to want them...

 

I am so hurt...even tho I know he will never change...my feelings are that he has found someone...never would admit it..but the signs were there...and the newness is there....

 

my best friend said he will change if he meets the right woman...hurts to hear

 

anyway I do not want to see anyone staying for 7 years of this...