Zero hour!

[EOTD]

You may have read my posts before, but heres the skinny.

 

After falling head over heals over a girl I met five years ago, I have never been able to tell her my feelings (dew to bad encounter with a bad woman). Anyway I now live in the same house as her and taking this as a good sign I became more froward with my actions.

 

After help from eNotAlone and my friends I finally asked her if is was boyfriend material, I was told no.. and it felt like a kick in the face.

When she went I sat down and cried, my face was in pain. I grabbed my coat and at 1:30 am I walked out the house. I went to the park just accross the road, I broke down............... I changed to who I am today because of her, and was it just a waist of time?

 

Today she looked at me with the smile that nearly made me lose it again. To me it's more then a general attraction to her, I've never known a crush to last five years. I think I really do love her.

 

She says it's only friendship, but there is more to it then I think she is telling me. How can i put this? she has let me be close to her eg: I'll be stroking her face and hair while holding her. I went out with her once and there was a male friend with her, I could see that he was trying to make advances on her all day, most of it involved holding and touching. She did not like it, she even asked me how I could stop him doing this. I do the whole flirting thing too, holding and touching. If she don't like it, why have I not been told to back off?

 

What gets me thinking is, if she has known how I feel for all this time. why only now am I told that she don't think of me that way? Why let me do all them thing's if I had no chance to start off with. Was I used?

 

I'm going to ask her these things and more, but is it a good idea for me to do so?

Any help on this will be great.

 

Thanks for your time.

 

(Oh she is Chinese, don't know if that matters here)

[Lana0120]

She probably just likes the attention. I think you should back off, try and heal and move on. Perhaps that sounds trite as you've had feelings for her for so long, but she told you she did not see you as boyfriend material. You have to take that at face value, try to deal with it as best you can and move on. Bizarrely, if you do that, back off, she may actually appreciate you more anyway.

[jettison]

This is one of those lessons that "young, thoughtful men" have a REALLY hard time picking up sometimes.

 

- indecisiveness, passiveness, waiting for a sure thing.

 

These are NOT attractive qualities for most women. I say most because there will always be exceptions. When I look back at all the women I've been with over the years, the ones that fell for me the hardest were usually the ones that I initiated some kind of intimacy with very early, and then pursued with no apologies. You can't "slowly move in for the kill over a five year period." You just say "I want that", metaphorically, and no matter how absurd or inappropriate it may be, you calmly and plainly take it. And if you get rejected? You don't cry about it. You say, "Ok, but I still want it. Maybe I can have it later?" And really, you're practically saying this outloud. You could even mouth those lines actually if you have a sense of humor about it. And if she says "no" then you say "You're beautiful, but you're sad. You need me in your life. Think about it and get back to me."

 

That's what will intrigue a woman. Your pure, adulterated stupidity and confidence in the face of all that is rational and makes sense. If you "friend" some woman you think is a hottie, and then think she's hot but say nothing, then the message you send is either:

 

- I am not really that into you, but you'll do until I find someone else, someone better, or...

 

- I am sooo into you that I scare myself, I could easily become a stalker, and deep down I don't think I'm good enough for you.

 

Either tactic will fail the vast majority of the time. I guess the overriding lesson here is clear. Don't get yourself into a position where you're going to cry if things don't go your way. It's a simple rule, but it's hard to follow sometimes if you've got too much wrapped up into a person before you've even kissed them.

[EOTD]

But should I confront her on the issues at hand:

 

1. If known about my feelings, why not tell me before her feelings.

 

2. Why had she let me be so close to her(touching, holding)

 

3. How many of her friends have slept in the same bed with her. (she has let me do this?????)

 

and so on.

 

I'm not trying to change her mind, but there is more she is not telling me.

 

Should I ask her??????????

[EOTD]

I knew that there was more to it, but it turn out it was me!

 

I asked her the questions and I got my reply. I found out the reason why I was not the guy for her was because she did not think i would take things seriously. (I'm always playing around, it's who i am) After five hours of talking I made her see that I am the one for her. we both did some serious crying.

 

Things are now good and I'm so happy. Thank you all for your help