I had a good run...

[robert7x]

I had a really good run of feeling on top of things, and not worrying about anything... I think it lasted for about 2-3 weeks. I loved that feeling and it was awsome.... Well today, i feel like S**t. I don't know what a hell is going on but when i woke up, i just felt all crappy and like it's the day 1 all over again.

 

Maybe it's the day, the stupid Valentines, or maybe it's because i wrote her back after all those emails and calls pleeding to talk to me. I shouldn't have done that... I shouldn't have write her back... Now back to day one of NC.

 

Let this be a lesson to all of you who think it won't make a difference if you write back when your ex is contacting you... You're wrong. It makes a huge difference, I honestly don't know why, but it does.

 

I'm trying to understand what is wrong with me today. I can't find any answers. The feelings i'm having are the ones that i had at the beginning: I'm not worth anything; I feel like i'm at the lowest point possible; I'll never find anyone again, and all that crap is back on.

 

How can one stupid email after her 10-15 make me feel this way. The thing i wrote her back is basically: There is no reason for us to talk at all after what she did; I'm happier now (well I was); We can't be friends and that she should stay there and be happy with whoever she's with now.

 

I wasn't asking her back or talking about us or anything... so Why do I feel like this... I was doing sooooo good damn it. I hope this day goes by fast too... I'm sure it all kind of came together: Valentines, and the email.

 

Thanks for reading.

[surfjon]

Hey Robert,

yeah, those feelings come and go, it's normal but that doesn't make it any easier, I know.

 

V-Day, what a crock, I'm down from it too, but not because of her.

 

My moms used to make me and my sis heart-shaped pancakes every valentines day so I started doing it with my kids when they were very little. My daughter is now 15 so I felt sad this morning when my son called me and told me "mom made us heart shaped pancakes"............first my thought was like "damn, that's MY thing", but then I realized that it's their thing now too, I'm glad that she made them for them, they had gotten used to it, it's become a tradition for them too, so I was happy for them!!

 

Me and a group of single guys and girls are having an "anti Valentines-day" party, taping pics of the ex'es onto the dart board, etc.

 

Better than sitting alone!!

 

Retreat back to strong N/C, it's the best plan for us all.

[ccpjc]

hey man stick in there...

 

today i feel pretty * * * * ty too, im 100% sure its cause of valentines. i had all these dreams last night that me and her were getting back together. but then i woke up to face reality.

 

i was in ur shoes before too, feeling good like u were on top of things, i wish i could go back to that cause lately ive felt pretty crappy.. i just want to talk to her and see if she will take me back but i know it won't do anything and she won't

 

im borderline depressed, im pretty sure about that.. cant take much more of feeling so down or i dunno what is going to happen.

 

but keep in there buddy u can do it!

[robert7x]

The thing that's messing me up is that i know there is no way for us to be together again. I don't even want her back... but i miss the relationship... I miss having someone. That's what sucks for me. I guess when i wrote her back it brought back those memories of us talking all the time etc.

 

Plus she knows me well, and she knew if she was persistent enough that she would get me to talk to her... IDIOT... When will i learn.

[tushboy]

Mate don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself some love and respect. It's alrite to feel down and in the dumps. So what if you replied one mail to her ? You stood your ground and told her exactly what was on your mind. Don't worry about how she perceives your response, just worry about yourself. It could be the sucky V-Day...am gald its getting over in my country in some time...

 

 

Can't believe I made it thru the V-DAY!!

[nelz]

I'm sorry you are having a bad time of things It had only been two days of complete NC, but my ex (who finished things) contacted me yesterday because he wanted to know how my day had been (I went to visit a university - starting in Sept).

 

I was confused and didn't want to reply, because of the advise you guys gave, but its the first thing I wanted to do. For a while that stupid glimmer of hope came back. So I reluctantly text him, with just small talk. But then I had to do it, I asked "are you happy without me?" to which he replied "not really, but i can feel it's for the best". Then we went all into it again, with me asking why he didn't give us a real go and it got me really upset. I knew it would, but I just wanted to get some clarity.

 

I'm now going to try SO hard to refrain from texting him or contacting unless it is necessary, which I'm sure it won't be. However today when he wasn't in for our English lesson I text him to see if he was ok and find out where he was. He told me he didn't come in because he knew it would be harder for me, with it being Valentines. Part of me thinks that is sweet, another thinks it is cowardly, but I also think that he is clearly hurting too, and just won't admit it.

 

Sorry for hogging your thread Robert! You can do this, we all can. Valentines is not just about the happy ones, we are all thinking about eachother, as we are without the ones we love. I still have the glimmer of hope that things will change, and we'll be together, so that is why I'm trying my best not to contact, so he can realise what he's missing!!! *wishful thinking!*

[EmotionalCreature]

Honestly mate I think there's nothing wrong with what you did. Personally to me, NC is what we make of it and there's no rule that says if you choose to break NC, then you must go back to square one. Like it's some sort of sacred ritual that you'll doomed and punished if you should choose to modify or stop it.

 

NC is to get yourself back, to learn how YOU work and learn the ways YOU can use to deal with situations. What I call a successful result of NC is when you can finally face with not only your Ex, but can face and deal with the world as well, and not needing NC anymore. You become strong and a better person in general. No longer have to run and hide, and sob in the arms of NC every time you hit a rocky road. You appreciate, understand and turn a blind eye to certain things about your Ex.

[nelz]

Well said EmotionalCreature. We are all individual in our own ways, and what works for one of us may not be the best for another. NC is not entirely about ignoring your ex, as you say EmotionalCreature, it is also about "finding" ourselves.

[AngryHeart]

*hugs* I feel you pain....

 

 

But DON'T beat yourself up! This is just a speed bump is all. I'm sure you'll be fine again in a few days, or less.

 

Chin up, buttercup

[robert7x]

I know what's the purpose of NC for me and what i have to do. For me NC will let me forget about all the pain she caused me and continues to cause by knowing she's with someone else happy and doing everything we used to do. I needed to put a stop to that ASAP, hence the whole reason i went NC right after she left.

 

Her begging to talk to me and saying how she is misserable, crying, lost weight, smokes a lot etc made me feel bad because i don't want anyone to be in pain because of me. What i didn't think is that she caused all this... at that moment i forgot about that and all i thought is she's hurting and maybe i can help. That's where i know i made a mistake. And that's what bugs me now. I should have let it go and let her suffer.

 

I honestly don't know the reason she wanted to talk to me so badly. I really don't want to know. My guess is she needs something... Maybe money, maybe help with something that only i could do. I don't know. But i know that i will not help her... I just can't because it's not fair to me.

 

The reason i feel bad today is because it's just like when she left. Christmas Day, i get nothing from her... no email, text nothing. Day before we were all together and everything and then Christmas came and it's like i don't exist.

 

Same thing today... yesterday she was begging to talk to me and basically becoming all psycho and then today... Nothing. So it looks like to me is when she's having some bad times with her other Man, then she comes crying to me. See I know all these things and yet I still gave in...

 

I'm not ready to talk to her; I'm not ready to be her friend or to have anything to do with her and her family, firends etc. That's why I need NC. I need to get back on track...

 

It's like I told her in my email: "We don't know what the future will bring for us, We don't know if i'll bump into you sometime in the future or we'll never hear from each other. But what i do know is that Now I can't be in contact with you at all."

 

R

[ccpjc]

robert.. ur not a cancer are u? (zodiac)

[robert7x]

I'm Leo. I always have to be in charge. I'm the king of the Jungle

 

The thing is she was Leo too... 2 Leo's don't get along well because of power struggle.

[ccpjc]

im a cancer and my ex was a leo... bad combo there

[lost1234]

Sorry, you're feeling bad. I guess it is V day because I and it seems a lot of us are feeling worse than usual today. You'll get back on track before you know it.