CONDOMS: enough to kill my fears? convince me of the truth!!

[your-babe]

Ok, well, my boyfriend and i want to have sex and he's trying to convince me not to be scared because i'm kind of paranoid with the pregnancy thing. i'm underage, so it would really kill me. he has had sex quite some times before and he has experience with the condom.

 

don't get me wrong here, he's not pressuring me into anything and i strongly believe sex should not determine the value of a relationship and it certainly doesn't. everything has gone totally fine for the 2 months we've been together, but recentrly we've been getting more and more intimate and i know that soon enough we'll end up having sex. but im a virgin... i've got everywhere, but to home.

 

i know condoms are like 100% ... but lol... i'm worried about everything. my issue is not loosing my virginity cause i don't make an issue out of that... we just have strong feelings for each other and we want to have sex damn it. i know he knows how to use the condom like spr error proof... i just need to be convinced that im goingf to have a great time without having to worry about anything. i know i can trust him... can i trust the condom?

 

what do u think??? what has been YOUR experience with it all if any?

[The Morrigan]

Honestly - condoms aren't 100%, nothing is. (Well, except abstinence, even the Pill isn't 100%) So your fears aren't at all irrational. If you're completely positive you want to have sex, you can add to the effectiveness of a condom though... Double up on protection - add a spermicide gel or cream. They generally come either in premeasured applicators, or with an applicator much like Monistat or any other vaginal cream. And they're over the counter, or in the condom section, at most stores. By themselves the creams/gels are only something like 95-98% effective, but as a backup to possible condom probs (there's a slim chance of one being defective, or breaking/tearing, etc) they're easy to get (nothing else for women is) since they don't need a doctor's scrip, and they sure beat any myths and home-grown remedies. I'm not sure how young you are, but even if I'd rather you considered waiting - I'm glad you're being cautious and responsible instead of worrying AFTER the fact about getting pregnant - seems like you have a good head on your shoulders!

[avman]

Hello your_babe and welcome to eNotalone. You have some interesting questions and very realistic fears of pregnancy from having sex.

 

We had a previous discussion on this very topic and I pulled some information from the FDA which discusses how effective various methods of birth control are. Here is a snippet of the discussion:

 

Actually the pill is more like 99% if taken correctly. Condoms are 97% if used properly due to risk of breakage and defects. Unfortunately most methods are dramatically less effective since they are used wrong so often. From the FDA, here's the effectiveness of birth control with typical use:

Hormone shot: 99.7%
The Pill 95%
IUD: 98%
Condom: 86%
Diaphragm: 80%
Sponge: 80%
Female condom: 79%
Spermicide: 74%
Withdrawal: 81%

 

As you can see, condoms are effective but only if used properly. But because they are used wrong so often their average effectiveness is only 86%. That means you still have a 14% chance of getting pregnant. You might want to look into another form of birth control and then use BOTH the condom and something else. That will boost your chances of not becoming pregnant and still protect you from diseases.

 

I hope this helps you.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

Sorry to bust you're bubble there aveman, but condoms are 84% affective only when used correctly. It gets much worse when they are not used correctly, and that's suppose to be more than 1/2 the time.

[avman]

I'm sorry but thats not correct. Please see the official site. The rates for condoms are 3% pregnancy when used 100% correctly and 14% with typical use.

 

fda.gov/fdac/features/1997/conceptbl.html

[your-babe]

i was having this conversation regarding condoms with him yesterday. he told me that now by law condoms need to have the spermaticide thing and that they dont break easily at all. you can oull even scratch, you would need a knife or scissor to make the task effective. but the thing with the cream... today i pass by the pharmacy so i guess i could check that out... see if i got some money on me. my bf tells me that all those percents deal with misuse. my aunts are doctors and they tell me that media always takes the safe side and puts a probability for everything. i once did a research on tampon and sanitary napkin use and discovered that all that issue over TSS deals a lot with misuse, and that they always have this warning in the package that says not to leave them inside for more than 8 hrs. that i discovered is scientifically wrong... it can be left inside up to 12 hrs. but companies prevent more problems and take less risks because if a woman forgets to get it out for a while and takes up to 12 hrs they can make sure there wont be any problems. in sexual education classes people see condoms and you realize they are really tough material. so i guess that all that is needed is take all precautions.

[just_smile]

hey

condoms deffinatly arent 100% safe. i know what i am going to say probably wont change what you are going to do but im still gonna say it. if the relationship is going well then why cant you wait until your legal, im sure if he cares about enough then he will wait until then. if something did happen (eg the condom spilts) and you did become pregnant then he could be done for rape because you under age. besides your fist time probably wont be as glorious as it is made out to be, usually it is very painful and uncomfortable.

anyways just my opinion you dont have to act on just take in what i have said.

hope this helps you make the right decision for you

~LJ =;

[Nifty_Swifty1]

Sorry avman. You're right on the whole pregnancy thing, I was thinking about the effectiveness in stopping viruses (i.e. HIV). Sorry for the mix up.

[routerx]

Condoms are not error proof. You CAN get pregnant. If the odds of you getting pregnant were 1 in 100, would that be good enough to gamble? Fact is, unless he has a vasectomy or you have your tubes tied, you should not have intercourse if you don't want to deal with raising a child because it CAN happen.

 

Also, imagine this scenario:

 

You've just had sex with a condom. He takes it off and you are now snuggling. Your privates are touching and you believe it is safe now because he already came. So, he may insert his penis in you. The problem is that he may still have semen on his penis as well as he may continue to ejaculate a little bit.

 

You see, there SO many ways to get pregnant, the only way to avoid it is to not have intercourse.

 

You also mentioned you weren't worried about losing your virginity? Why is that? You should value it for someone you love. You've only been dating this guy 2 months. Heavy petting is the way to go for now until you are ready to marry.

[lokagirla]

well, virginity is a very controversial theme. i personally dont care much either about the concept itself. i am not physically a virgin, i probably broke my hymen a long time before back when i was little... probably with a tampon when there was no lubrication... i dont really know and i could care less.

 

now, to give yourself to someone sexually, thats another thing. i strongly believe you should only have sex with someone you have feelings for and not just for pleassure and a wild time *im gonna say it like it is... for that you can masturbate or just get fingered or something*. when you decide to take the physical step it's because you really care for and trust that person whom youre with.

 

i mean, when youre fingered, are you no longer a virgin? if you look at it in the society imposed religious perspective youll surely say "no, im no longer a virgin"... and so what? i dont think virginity determines who you are and your feelings. it doesnt say if youre an easy one or a proper young lady. it doesnt say if you have respect for your own body. having sex is something completely natural. laws exist of course protecting minors because government doesnt want a society having sex everywhere at all times? why if it's natural? i'll tell you why, no money to handle overpopulation, no time to handle more crime...

 

but im getting off the subject here with my wild ideas. about the condom, just think about it???

[The Morrigan]

Condoms have spermicide - inside them.

 

This doesn't help much if you happen to get one that's defective, or splits. Don't say it can't happen - it happened to me lol, fortunately he felt it go and was able to replace it, though I can't say that did much for the mood there...

 

Anxiety doesn't make for a romantic mood either - if you're not ready, don't do it; there's plenty of things you can do for pleasure that don't involve intercourse and aren't playing the odds on not getting pregnant.