How do you stop having hope?

[minigirl]

How can I stop giving myslef hope?

My mind keeps running back and forth.

He's not right for you.

Give him time, he will be back.

 

I keep making up reasons for when he will return to me.

Maybe on Valentines day..... maybe on my birthday.

Maybe this maybe that.

 

I dont know what I feel anymore.

I hate these ups and downs.

Having hope makes my day feel and go by really good.

 

I know I reallyneed to move on.

But I dont want to let go.

 

How can I fail once again at another relationship?

How can he let go so easily?

Does he not love me anymore?

How he can not see me and want to be with me?

When will he know?

I'll change, I just want him back

Cant we try again?

Why am I not important to him?

How can he not call me?

Does he not miss holding me?

DOes he not miss my presense?

How can he not want me?

Why?

WHen will he return?

WHat if I moved on already?

WHat if I dressed better?

What if I lost weight?

How, what can i do to get you back?

 

What have I done?

Why cant he just tell me what i did wrong?

 

Im smiley in front of him.

But inside I'm so torn apart.

His face is always hard to read.

Does he love me?

Maybe he needs more time.

 

I just want to dissappear.

Our lives will never cross if I move on.

 

I've went on dates but its not the same.

I'd be in a ok mood then sad cuz I miss him.

Everywhere I go, I think of him.

Lately everything reminds me of him.

What he said, what he did........

 

Why cant I just think of the negative stuff he did.

Why cant I just lose my memory.

Why do others find their 'one' so easily?

Why is it so hard for me?

[BrokenTinMan]

I'm sorry your hurting, mini

 

I can relate to this. I know what you're going through. I could have written this myself.

 

Don't blame yourself. This is not about you or your shortcomings. This is about him because he is not willing to work it out. Someone who truly wants to be in the relationship will working things out. They will want to stay.

 

I'm hurting too. Its too easy to make excuses for them, too easy to put the blame on ourselves. One thing that I found that helps, is to see your ex for what he really is, for what he's really done to you. Somebody who loves you will not hurt you or abandon you. See the situation for what it really is.

 

Try hard to focus on the negatives of your ex. Its hard to get mad at them, I know. But one poster here told me to try and see it without rose-tinted glasses. It really does help. See them for the deserters that they are.

 

Hope you feel better. Keep posting, people are willing to listen

[mezmerist]

I don't know the answer to that question. I don't know how to force myself to stop having hope. However, you can think of it this way. Whether you have hope or not, it will not change the outcome. So...take that "hope"...imagine putting it somewhere safe, but putting it out of reach for now. It is still there, but you don't have to keep looking at it, wanting it, craving it. Now...try to take all of your focus on the hope and put it somewhere else...and think about things in a positive way. Realize that, since we must all be romantics to some extent, and to want love, and believe in a true love...that they will come into our lives. The only thing is...we have no idea who it is, or when it will be. It could be the ex, or it could be someone else. Since the ex is not there right now...there is a big chance it will be someone else. But if this someone else really is the true love...by the time that person comes into our lives, the ex won't matter anymore. So no matter who our true love ends up being...we will be happy. If our ex is "the one"...he will be back. If our ex is not "the one"...someone else will come along. So it's just a matter of being patient, looking after yourself, and having FAITH. I know this is the hardest thing ever, and I think I rambled a little too abstractly to make a lot of sense...but hopefully you got something useful out of my ramblings.

 

PS. I know exactly how you feel, and I struggle with trying to give up hope too. I feel bipolar, with how many mood changes I go through in one day, trying to make sense of it all. The questions used to run through my mind a mile a minute. They have slowed down some, as I have gotten more rational, and more positive thinking into my brain. Try and not make the past relationship a waste. Try and learn from it, grow from it. And know that, because you are hurting this much right now...it just means that you must have done something right in that relationship.

[minigirl]

Thanks BTinMan,

 

It makes me sad cuz a stranger cares more than someone who was suppose to love me.

 

I need to open my eyes and see, but that hurts me too.

 

We dont deserve this,

I wish he would goto a different university.

I wish I could go into NC totally.

I wish I could slap some sense into him.

I wish there was pill to erase all this.

[HajiMaji]

Hey.. all the feelings you are expressing are normal. I am sorry that they hurt so much. I really know how it feels. Your post is basically a snap shot into five seconds of my mind when I was in the pain of the break up. Eventually, you will realize its not worth this much.

 

One way a lot of phobias are dealt with is simple exposure. If you are afraid of snakes and someone makes you hold 100 snakes for a few hours, your body will not be able to maintain high level's of anxiety the whole time. Your body just stops freaking out because it realizes the snakes arent going anywhere I think the same is true with break ups. Eventually I realized my pain wasnt going to get fixed through getting back with my ex. I just stoped caring because i was in so much pain.

 

The thing is, it took a long time and a lot of pain for that to happen to me. I am sorry you are going through something similar. The good news is you are young. Heal from this and remember what you can. Be good in your next relationship and who knows what will happen. There is still a lot life has in store for you.

 

And I am real sorry. I really feel like there isnt much that I can say. Its just a rough time.

[Daria_Lane]

I ask myself the same questions every night. Only thing I'm pretty much proud of so far is that I havent fallen off NC.

[tushboy]

Thanks BTinMan,

 

It makes me sad cuz a stranger cares more than someone who was suppose to love me.

 

I need to open my eyes and see, but that hurts me too.

 

We dont deserve this,

I wish he would goto a different university.

I wish I could go into NC totally.

I wish I could slap some sense into him.

I wish there was pill to erase all this.

 

Hugs Mini. We all can relate to each and every word you've said. But girl you need to stay strong. We all are here for you and feel your pain. Keep posting and sharing with us what you feel and want to say. I guess in your case its the HOPE that's hurting the most. Let that hope go. Turn that hope of getting his love back into the hope of moving on and finding better things in life.