Is It Ok To Reminisce About The Good Times......

[redhotchilipepper]

Hey guys...pretty simple question. I know many people on the board would agree that its good to get out of the house and keep yourself busy so that you dont mope around too often thinking about your EX which in turn might make things worse for you. I dont have a problem with this analogy.

 

But for me my mind starts going through fond memories of me and my EX GF when Im getting ready for bed. I cant really get my mind off of it. I find myself laying in bed for 30 min...sometimes an hour just going from one thought to the next of great times I shared with her...times when we were laughing or away on vacation together where everything was perfect. Sometimes I wish I could rewing time to get back those amazing moments where you thought you would be with that person forever.

 

But the worst part about this is after these thoughts comes sadness. I sometimes feel so sad about us not being together even though I know its for the best. Have any of you guys gone through this or are you currently experiencing this? If so how do you deal with it? Do you try to fight it and get your mind off of it or do you just embrace it?

 

Thanks guys

[beth116]

I think embracing it for a short while is good... give you a chance to grieve properly.

 

You don't want to dwell for too long though... If you find it doesn't start waning on its own, you might have to deliberately try and distract yourself. Harder than it sounds, but perhaps necessary.

 

good luck

 

beth

[wayoverit]

I always tell people to think of all the reasons why they break up after break up.. that should be settling enough to help move on quickly if not quicker.

[Dako]

Read a book, watch TV or something to distract you from those thoughts.

It sucks, but in time you'll enjoy having the bed to yourself.

 

Well, that's my goal, anyway.

[Up and Down]

I always tell people to think of all the reasons why they break up after break up.. that should be settling enough to help move on quickly if not quicker.

 

 

I tell people to write them down and when they get too immersed in the good times, pull out the list and read it. It's easy to remember only the good times, but there's a reason you two are apart and it's not because of the good times.

 

This is what I do, read my list. I also try to remember how I felt during those times she was yelling at me etc. What was going through my head. It helps a lot. In time based on my past break-ups you will remember both good and bad and yet not feel much remorse. It was part of your past and it made you who you are today.

[thinkstoohard]

I feel kinda like rhcp... Thing is, it's been 5 months since we broke up. From the looks of his join date it is possibly around the same amount of time for him. At what point to the thoughts stop? One would think it would be over by now!?!

[surfjon]

You must think of the good times, after a breakup, we are so often told by the ex of all the things we did "wrong", and much too little of the wonderful things we DID do that they conveniently omit from their memories. They must do this in order to reinforce their decision to leave.

 

I DO think of all our good times in those 20 plus years, I think of both the things I did wrong, but also the things I did RIGHT!! One day down the road, when I date again, I know I did some awsome things that showed her how much I deeply cared for her. I don't want to forget how to make a girl feel special, I think I have many ways that really do that. My ex chooses to forget all the great, special times we shared but I choose to remember them.

[1HelluvaGirl]

I don't think there is anything wrong with thinking of all the good times you shared with someone. It is part of your past and you can't erase it, so there is no point in trying to bury those memories if they pop up every once in awhile. If they start getting obsessive (to the point where you are living in the past) and you are no longer keeping a realistic view on your present situation of being split, then that is very unhealthy.

 

I only allow myself the good memories up until a point. When I really start to miss him and feel sad, and want to initiate contact, I have to put a lid on those memories. I do that by reminding myself of the crummy stuff he has done post-breakup and allow myself to get a little angry.

[Sickboy48]

It's sometimes ahr dnot to. I see something or do something and it can remind me of her and i smile but i go on and do my thing. I don;t think it's bad at all. It's better at times to remember the good times as suppose to the bad times.