My Mom's Illness- Help me, please

[Incognito]

I am 15 years old. I have a 10 year old brother, but we don't live together. I live with my father, stepmother, and stepbrothers (but that will change soon- they're moving out because my father is an intolerable ***) in the country side, and my little brother lives with his father in the city. This post is for his sake, and for the sake of my mother. I would really appreciate the help of someone who has been through this before, and has overcome it. Here's the story- and I'm sorry if it's too long.

It started last summer, when my mom finally snapped out of her depression. She had been unemployed for the longest time after she had been fired from her previous job for not showing up often enough. It was because she was trying to win custody of my brother. And then, without a job, without any income, this was impossible. She did nothing. She stayed with her boyfriend, and did nothing all day but wallow in her depression.

So when she called me that summer day, so happy that she could barely talk, so happy that she didn't sound like herself, I couldn't believe it. She said she had snapped out of her depression. She was in a Help Centre. Getting thereapy, looking for a job. Oh, I was so happy I could have cried.

But her depression wasn't the only thing that broke. She started hearing voices, seeing things. She called me one night saying I had to hide, there were people coming to get me and take me away, do horrible things to me. She gave me elaborate instructions to get away. My father would not have it, my stepmother just locked the windows. I stayed in their room that night. No one slept.

Finally she was institutionalized. My uncles and my aunt realized that she was ill, and I was surprised at how they came together for her. They visited her everyday. I went one weekend, to visit her. She looked so different.

But the doctors said she wasn't a threat to herself or to anyone, and her stay at the hospital became optional. She left right away. Her boyfriend (I'm so sad for him and I hate that he had to go through all this) would not have her at his house anymore. She went from place to place, staying with friends. I wonder how soon they realized that she was unwell. Whenever she called me she seemed almost normal. I would hope that she got better. But then I'd call my aunt, and I'd be informed that Mom had gone into hysterics because she thought my aunt's building would explode. That she had went there at midnight and smashed a vase at my aunt's doorstep and screamed and screamed.

And now, my poor, poor little brother is Mom's target. I'm sure that if I lived in the city I would be too. But my brother, who had gone through so much already, who has been lied to by his own father, who had been continually cheated out of his own happiness, is being pratically harassed by my mother. His school work is suffering. She went to his school just the other week, pulled him out of class just so she could stand there and cry, making a scene. All his friends saw. No one said anything.

And now Mom's brothers and sister have stopped trying to help her, because she refuses to be helped. It's just me and my brother who still care. I talked to him last night, I asked how he felt. "Well, I'm scared," he said. "Every week she does something weird. Last week she came here and threatened to beat up my dad. What will it be this week?!"

And here is were I need your advice. What should we do? The hospital won't take her, and she won't go. I don't have enough money to pay for a psycologist, and even if I did, would she go? Her family is poor also, my uncles and aunt are just barely getting by. My brother's father's income is questionable, but he's a snake and he wouldn't pay to help my mom. They hurt eachother too much for anymore feelings of compassion. We don't know what to do.

I live in Quebec, Canada. If you are giving serious advice, you'll have to take this into account. Hospitals are free, but not the greatest. They won't institutionalize her until she actually does something. I don't want her to have to hurt my brother or his father for her to get help. I need your advice, and as soon as possible.

By just reading all this, you have my undying gratitude. Thank you so much.

[SadJJ]

You sound like you are wise beyond your years, and I must say you write very well. I am sorry you are going through this, it must be heartbreaking. Have you tried to sit down with your mom and talk to her? Maybe like an intervention type thing, where your family and anyone else who cares about your mom sits down with her and make her realize that she needs help?

 

I wish I could help more, but if you ever need to talk just shoot me an e-mail or pm me. Take care and make sure you think about yourself too!

[MollyElise]

Incognito, hun I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I went through an ordeal very similair. My mother has too many mental problems to list, but thankfully now is under medication and is doing really well.

 

Unfortunately this is your mom, and you are still her child. She is an adult and you cannot force her to do anything. But honestly she's sick, its not that she wants to be like this, its what her body, chemically is making her do.

 

I do not have any good advice, I do not know how I made it through (being told my father was Kareem Abdul Jabar, that the devil was hiding diamonds to tempt me, lining my room w/ noise booby traps in case she came in to hurt me) I REALLY DO UNDERSTAND. My mother and I are now very close, but during the time that she was so sick I had to stay as far away from her as I could. I believe that this is the best course of action for you and your brother, I think if she was well that is what she would want you to do if you ever felt threatened by ANYONE (that would include her). Im sure your mother loves you but has alot of personal demons and health issues to deal with first.

 

I know its hard to see your mom like this, and that you want to help. But your mother is an adult, and there really is not anything you can do to help her, except for keep yourself safe, go to school, and know that she loves you. If possible see if you can help get your brother in a safer situation (maybe his father can let the school know about the situation and that she is not allowed to see him or come on school property). I do not think she should be having unmonitored conversations with him.

 

Talk to your brother about everything going on, let him know that you love him, it sounds like he may be the only family you'll have as an adult, and you don't want to lose track of each other, which can be very easy with all the changes that both of you will be going through in the next ten years (just general growing up).

 

Good luck honey! If you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to PM me.

 

You are not alone!

Molly

[sisterlynch]

You need to contact the police or any service agency that can get this activated. The school should have reported the insident that took place there and you need to keep on following it up until there is a resolution. She needs to be normal or else she needs to be taken care of, it is so difficult for the children in these circumstances.

 

Don't be afraid, there is no room for fear, do what ever your heart tells you to do!! Get your dad or step mom to tell the social services department in your area.