She says that she committed too early

[jjbou]

Ok guys this is what happened,

My wife and I have been together for almost a year now. everything not rosy but we're ok.

THe way she was brought up was very tough, her parents wouldn't let her date back in HS. They were watching her very strict, school then home, do house work, clean dishes all that stuff.

the problem is now she says that she committed too early. She wants me be with her, but at the same time she also likes being outside and having more fun(since she missed all of it). she is not of the running aound type or anything like that.

what to do???

[Gilgamesh]

Well, you need to trust her;

 

you really only have two options here;

 

1) You be restrictive like her parents, and act like a warden, which will lead to her leaving you. or making her miserable which in turn will make you miserable.

 

2) You can trust her, and let her find her individualism. I dont agree on cheating, but you need to trust her. let her do her own stuff, and have her own hobbies, she doesnt know what she wants or likes because never really had a chance, if she wants to fly off to travel Europe with some girlfriends, or solo, (without you) let her go, bid her bon voyage.

 

If she loves you and you trust her. the dont doubt her. just tell her you trust her, and you understand where she is coming from, but that you draw the line at being unfaithful. other than that you dont care what she wants to do, because you want her to be happy.

[sadksgirl]

I agree 100%. Take Gilgamesh advice and trust her and draw the line at being unfaithful. Be sure and trust her. Maybe you could even go out with her and experience new things together!

[bdub]

If she has never given you any reason to not trust her, then you should trust her. You did marry this person and that takes a pretty healthy dose of trust to commit that far. If you find yourself not trusting her, then most likely it is something that really comes from inside you. Perhaps you have had bad experiences in the past with the betrayal of a close friend? The above posts are correct, you need to draw the line somewhere so you don't get walked on. But don't assume she will betray you.

 

Best Wishes,

bdub

[offerofadvise]

Hi,

Just an offer of advise from a womans prospective.

I also grew up with restrictions. So as I got the chance, I also wanted to go out and have some fun. I did invite my spouse along but he did not wish to do so. My intention was just to have fun, not be unfaithful. "Girls night out" I actually felt closer knowing he trusted me. If you impose more restrictions, you could possibly push this person away.

We all need trust in relationships.

Just a thought.