One month til the one year, so lost...

[faeriechyld]

Hello everyone,

 

I come before you after much debating for support, advice, and encouragement. In a month from today it will mark a year since my mom died. The last few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions and I'm just not sure how to handle myself. A co-worker and close friend told me rather bluntly that this was just something I would have to go through, and even acknowledging this, I still feel almost incapable.

 

The few friends I have talked to have had one of two major reactions, either they sit there and hug me while I cry, not really sure what to say, but trying to be as helpful as possible; or they tell me that I'll be "fine" and that I've gotten through my sadness before. It's not to say that my friends don't care, it's just that I think they feel I've been so strong through all of this, I should have no problem getting through the next month. It's hard to explain to them that I can't be strong all the time, and right now I feel my strength fleeting quickly. I don't want to be strong right now, I think I mainly just want someone to tell me that it will be ok, even though I know it won't. Not that *I* will be ok, but that the situation will be ok, and that I'm not really going through this. However, I realize this is impossible.

 

My mom's birthday was last Tuesday, and I mainly dealt with the day through avoidance tactics. I spent the day with one of my best friends and got through it fairly well, but I can't always guarantee that I will make it so easily through everyday, even days of less importance. Like last Friday I kept crying at work...this is something I don't want to do, but I know that I have to allow myself to heal.

 

I know there is no quick fix to what I am going through, but I hope to receive some kind of advice and/or comfort in regards to dealing with this situation in the best way possible. I feel like I'm hitting a really low point in my life again, and I just don't know what to do. Any and all advice, comments, etc is appreciated. Thank you.

[avman]

The one year anniversary of my fathers death was the most painful day for me. The strange thing is, once I got through that day it started to get better. The entire year before that had been a blur. So I guess that was just what I needed to do was mourn for that year.

 

You are going through this. And it will be ok. Its going to hurt, I won't kid you. But you will make it through. Remember that your mom is watching you and is proud of you. Go out and talk to her wherever you feel closest to her. Tell her how much you love her and miss her. Catch her up on everything thats happening in your life. Ask her how she's doing. Remember all the times you had together. But do not have any regrets - you cannot change the past. Just remember it.

 

Crying is ok. Even hard crying is ok. Its just your body letting loose the tension and stress. If you have to call in sick, then call in sick. People will understand. Pick a trusted friend and just pour it out. Tell them you don't expect them to make it better or to solve anything, just that you want them to listen.

 

I hope this helps. PM me if I can help you in any way.

[Osiris]

Greetings fairiechild,

 

Yes it`s not easy.

 

When you walking down the street try to see how beautiful is the nature,

and realise that you mom gone to the better place and obviously she would not like to see you upset.

 

Try to look forward to a new day that will bring you happiness. Smile is a best medicine. So try to smile more often

 

I wish you the very best!

 

Yours,

 

Osiris.

[lunatic]

Faeriechyld,

 

Losing a parent is never easy and it is something that will be with you the rest of your life. The only advise I have is you will get through this and over time it will be easier to deal with. Losing a loved one is never easy especially when it is a parent. I firmly believe that when you die you do go to a better place. She is watching over you and loves you very much.

 

Just remember that the pain is normal and you WILL get through this.

 

Time really does heal all wounds. So don't come down so hard on yourself.

 

I hope this helps you feel a little better.

 

Hubman

 

P.S. If you need to vent feel free to PM me.

[Gaz]

I hope you feel better, I cant possibly imagine what you are going through but life is always hard and we do survive to be better, stronger people. Im sure your mum is looking down on you now and smiling thinking what a wonderful daughter she has. Make her happy by living your life the way you want to. Things can only get better for you and I thank you for helping all these people on eNotalone, your mum would be very proud of you now.

[The Morrigan]

It's been much longer than that for me since I lost my mom to cancer. It's something that never goes away completely, but in time, you will remember with more of a sad and fond smile than the sharp edge of pain and grief. I won't tell you to wallow in it, but go ahead and give into your sentiment with someone close to you, someone who will look at old pictures and let you tell stories about how she was, even if you start repeating yourself, and crying, having the freedom to go over all the good times with an open ear there WILL help. When you're feeling the loss most, it helps to have someone there to listen to those stories that sum up to you how special she was, and that's nothing to try to avoid or be ashamed of.

 

Allow yourself to remember on those particularly painful and special days, her birthday will probably be another, and let yourself both reminisce and grieve in whatever way suits you best. Trying to control it thinking you should be over it will only make it hit you out of the blue when it catches up, you've got your own schedule to grieve that's right for you, so don't even try to tell yourself when it should be fading - it will when you've given yourself the time and release you need, so don't ever let anyone make you feel bad about it!

 

I'm really sorry you're having to go through this, take the day for yourself, and try and do a couple things to treat yourself kindly, you deserve to.

[mahlina]

I am truly sorry to hear about your mother...I know exactly how you feel. Except, I lost my father at a young age, so it's somewhat different.

 

What I must tell you though, is that the more you push your feelings aside, the more pain you will feel later on.

 

I tried to bury my feelings, and as I got older, all of my emotions came back and haunted me.

 

It sounds like you are going through the grieving process.

 

You are a strong person...If I lost my mom, my life would be such trauma! I must admire you for trying to move on in life, and continuing on doing what you're doing like going to work.

 

I really hope that time will ease your pain, and I know that it will.

 

Now's your time to really reflect on the words that your mom once said. Treasure all of your memories. Try to dig it out of your emotions. Then you'll find that a part of her will always be with you.

 

It's like your memories are her spirit that lives inside of you. When you think of her, every part of her will transcend in your heart, and will give you a feeling of fulfillment.

 

Thining of the good memories will really ease your pain.

 

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I hope that my advice helps. Please take care!

[faeriechyld]

Thank you to everyone who has responded. I will warn you that you may receive a PM from me from time to time during this month or so for support and the like. It means a lot that not only do people care and desire to help in any way that they can, but many of you have been through this situation as well and you took it upon yourselves to share your experience with me. That helps a great deal, to know that I am not alone in this.

 

Many of your responses brought tears to my eyes and it means a great deal that each of you took the time to respond. I am trying to allow the healing process to take it's course, but sometimes I get frustrated with myself. I usually take time during the day to travel back down memory lane and let my emotions run their course, but as some of you said my body will not be dictated to for when it needs to release emotions.

 

Thank you all again for supporting me and helping me through this time in my life. I am forever grateful to each of you.