relationship problems

[miss_confused99]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 and 1/2 years. In the beginning it was difficult because we lived in different cities. But we were very much in love and made it work - and it was great! A little over a year ago I moved in with her (and her sister). Things have changed since the move. We rarely get a chance to really talk to each other because we're always busy with work, stressed about work, too tired, or her sister is around and we can't talk freely. We aren't intimate with each other very often anymore either. And recently I've begun to question if she really loves me. She says she does, but some of her actions confuse me. I've tried to talk to her about these things, but she just gets defensive and accuses me of looking for reasons to pick a fight. I really just want the woman I fell in love with back. Any suggestions on how I can start a conversation with her about these things without her feeling like I'm picking on her?

[Sn0man]

First thing i'd be concerned about is living with her *and* her sister. 2 sisters in 1 house is trouble enough - that may be part of her issue.

 

As for the conversation - just have it when you both are relaxed and theres no stress or sisters around.

[Angel_baby]

What kind of things does she do to make you feel confused about if she loves you?

Is it just things that kinda annoy you that she does? If so that is just something you learn to get used to because there will ALWAYS be something about the other that annoys you. Same with her about you.

 

This is a common problem after or around the time you hit the 2 year mark in a relationship. The 2 year hump. Having a live in sister does not help it any bit.

 

When you have a room mate living with you it makes it harder to spend quality one on one time with each other. A relationship needs this in order to survive. Is there anyway for you two to live with just each other?

 

The room mate is just one critical problem in your relationship, the other is lack of communication. I am sure her sister interferes somewhat but the bigger problem may be that you two don't know how to properly communicate with each other.

 

These two thing are vital to make any relationship work.

 

If you are able to live with just each other, do so. Communication will get a bit better by itself right there with that. Doesn't mean though there isn't some more to work on in that department.

 

If she feels like you are just trying to "pick a fight" when you are trying to talk to her then you might be going about having a talk with her the wrong way. Always remember never accuse. Accusing will lead to defending which leads to an argument.

Just let her know that it is bothering you that not enough time is spent with each other. Go on more dates when possible. A date doesn't have to cost anything to be great.

 

The women you fell in love with is still right there, you are just seeing MORE of the same women because you are now living with her

[miss_confused99]

What makes me confused about her loving me? Well, we hardly go anywhere together. She doesn't hold my hand in public. She doesn't want me anywhere near her friends. She seems unwilling to work on our relationship. She's become distant. And she drug me to Florida to meet her family for Christmas...and I didn't find out until I was there that her father doesn't know she's a lesbian and doesn't know that I'm her girlfriend. She said she would tell him "when the time is right". But she hasn't told him yet.

[Angel_baby]

The thing about her father, where I can understand that it would hurt you, might be the simple fact that she is intimated by him and what he would think of her. Who know when the time will be right... I have 2 sisters that had a really hard time coming open to my dad. They didn't want him to look "down" on them.

 

It does seem like she is kinda confused about herself. Might be scared how the world is going to treat her for being with another women. How long has it been for her since she came out?

 

You really need to sit her down and talk to her about her being distant and what feels to you like lack of care about the relationship.

Tell her how much this relationship means to you and that you really would like to work it out but it is going to take BOTH of you to do so.

 

Does she have a problem with public displays of affection? It is common for a lot of people not to be comfortable with it.

[samantha20]

my ex girlfriend made me keep our relationship a secret for 2 years. She also wouldn't do anything in public or tell her family, and now she has dumped me for a man she wants to act like it never happened and 'put that behind her now' and settle down with him. You should make sure she plans to settle down with a woman, because it hurts to realise that she never saw me as her future.