Do I get back together? Bad cycle or True Love

[confusedinlove]

I've been going out with my boyfriend over 2 yrs. we lived together the last 8 months. He is one of the most loving caring smart individuals I ever met and even after yrs I am sooo attracted to him. We have always learned together from our problems. So when we broke up I was devistated It didn't make sense that two people who love each other just couldn't make it work if they wanted to.

I am not sure how we ended up living toge ther. Probably not a well thought out way to go about it. and He knew i didn't really want to do it unless we were planning on getting married.

He is a salesperson by day and a musician by night. Music is his first love. Nothing will get in his way of making his dream happen. I think he doesn't realize I would never try to stop him either. Even though I have told him over and over. I don't want him to give up his dream but even his day job does not earn a normal salary. It is commission only so I have always been the one to pay for dinner or any extras....

 

It has taken four months but i finally feel strong again. I have learned alot from all of this. I was not showing him how much I loved him(even though I told everyone else) He told me over and over since we broke up how he does not want to have to worry about anyone else or be responsible for anyone else. Finally I decided that was not the type of person I wanted anyway and after trying to learn from my experiences with him I feel strong enough to start dating again.

He asked to come over tues and he brought flowers and said everything a girl would want... He was just scared and now he is not, I love u want u in my life forever... want to make it all work...... so of course i am super confused. I love him just feel like we have baggage or things to figure out still.... I told him i wasn't sure and he said that's ok take your time I will wait..... sooooo confused. I am afraid of getting in a bad cycle. I want to believe he means it all. But I just wish He had a better back up plan for the future if his music career doesn't pan out.

[Hero_99]

I've been going out with my boyfriend over 2 yrs. we lived together the last 8 months. He is one of the most loving caring smart individuals I ever met and even after yrs I am sooo attracted to him.

 

Good for you...

 

We have always learned together from our problems. So when we broke up I was devistated It didn't make sense that two people who love each other just couldn't make it work if they wanted to.

 

Are you sure you didn't go out and find a good looking guy with the intent of putting his life within the context of a "romance novel."

 

Unfortuantelly what you just wrote isn't anywhere near reality... Kick yourself into reality for a second and look at the way things really are.

 

The guy could be a loser and you are just to blinded to see that...

 

I am not sure how we ended up living together. Probably not a well thought out way to go about it. and He knew i didn't really want to do it unless we were planning on getting married.

 

Are you sure about that? You know there are young single men that kringe at the thought of marriage..... Some of them are actually quite successful with the ladies.....

 

He is a salesperson by day and a musician by night. Music is his first love. Nothing will get in his way of making his dream happen. I think he doesn't realize I would never try to stop him either. Even though I have told him over and over. I don't want him to give up his dream but even his day job does not earn a normal salary. It is commission only so I have always been the one to pay for dinner or any extras....

 

While dreams are very important, and I have no intention of squealching someone from following their dreams, is this guy actually any "good" at what he does?

 

Atleast he has a day job and isn't trying to make a living entirely upon music...

 

He told me over and over since we broke up how he does not want to have to worry about anyone else or be responsible for anyone else.

 

He probably doesn't want the baggage of "MARRIAGE" or "HAVING A FAMILY"

 

Why else do you think he broke up with you? Did you bring up the issue of marriage alot?

 

Finally I decided that was not the type of person I wanted anyway and after trying to learn from my experiences with him I feel strong enough to start dating again.

 

Good

 

He asked to come over tues and he brought flowers and said everything a girl would want... He was just scared and now he is not, I love u want u in my life forever... want to make it all work...... so of course i am super confused. I love him just feel like we have baggage or things to figure out still.... I told him i wasn't sure and he said that's ok take your time I will wait..... sooooo confused.

 

Now he is frustrated for you 'cause he realized he was being stupid.

 

I am afraid of getting in a bad cycle. I want to believe he means it all. But I just wish He had a better back up plan for the future if his music career doesn't pan out.

 

A confident man always has a good plan, a better plan, and a back-up plan..

 

Well, since you are a woman I should remind you to remember that emotions do not necessarily mean reality, and their is a lot more emotion in your post then facts about the relationship. I can't say with surity that this guy is a loser or not because I can't gauge any hard "facts" from it, but that is what I get. It also sounds like the guy might have some "unrealistic" expectations himself with his underpaying day job and his music jig at night, which sends up a red flag for true relationship material...

 

Well, it's your choice on whether you want to persue this guy or not. I am not going to advise you against it, but I am also not going to advise you for it, either...

 

Maybe you two should see a professional relationship councelor, perhaps?

[inastate]

I know this isn't really advice but...

 

It seems to be the case that you know the situation and you know the uncertainty for the future. He might never get a high-paying professional career in music. As much as people want something it doesn't always happen. From what you said in your post I can't see what will be different this time around, so really it depends on whether you want to be in that situation again.

[mahlina]

You are doing the right thing...It's not messed up for you to think ahead.

 

I've dated this guy who had a passion for the arts too, but his work didn't seem competitive enough for the industry.

 

Sounds like you're going through puppy love.

 

What you need to do now is to worry about covering up your butt for the future. It's really sad b/c I see all of these young people, who get so caught up in relationships, that they start moving in with their lovers, and then never finish up with their studies. They rely on retail jobs to get by...and usually, these jobs aren't as stable (unless if they become managers).

 

Don't feel bad. It's good that you're thinking of the long-term consequences, which is a part of maturing...

[Katelyn55655]

OMG...his name isn't ROB is it? My experience with musicians is that they can be very selfish and self-centered. Why are you paying for dinner and extras, etc. Where is his comission and gig money going? Towards pot? alcohol? He can contribute financially too. Search your soul and pay attention to your reactions and feelings. If things with him consistently feel wrong then they probably are. If they feel mostly feel right then enjoy the ride.

[confusedinlove]

Thanks for the posts. I think most of my fears are for the future. so i need to think more about what I want, I have a great career myself and have been in this industry for over 7 years... I think one of the posts thought i was young. I am 29. He has his MBA from NYU (probably why i am more confused with his choice of day job... he is so smart and has such potential. I broke up with himin anger after a fight when we were both just tired and stressed out. I felt like music would come first with him no matter what.

He admitted to me that he Was getting scared of the idea of marriage... He was the first one to bring it up and I didn't bother him about it but he felt like it was the next step and said more than he should have(Musicians always have big hearts) He says he now knows otherwise. He had seen an adorable little girl and thought of me and what our future could hold.

i have a question ... he said to me when i asked if he was going to work on a back up plan. that he does not need a back up plan because he is doing what he loves (day job and music) Both do interlink also.... and that sooner or later when you put so much work into your interests it will pay off. Do you agree...?