What if this is all there is...

[need2bme]

Yes, I woke up feeling weird today and YES, I still understand that it wasn't all my fault, hence the topic yesterday and I realize I am not all bad...

 

However, today, I have been wondering if this is what it is going to be like...

 

Boy/girl meets boy/girl, they flirt, they get to know each other, they think they are meant to be together and then WHAM!, one of them comes out with the 'ol trusty..."it isn't you, it's me" (or in my case, implying it was me)?

 

My mind knows that breakups happen and that I need to figure out what it is that keeps me picking the unavailable women, but my heart just feels like, "what is the use", sometimes.

 

Hey...just being honest...

[robert7x]

I wander the same thing dude... I keep thinking what's the point of even falling in love... I mean i find a girl, she likes me, i like her, we fall in love... later on all of a sudden either she disappears or falls out of love...

 

I don't see what's the point... I'm afraid for the future the most... at least now i'm still kind of dating and all, but what if i get married and have kids and all and she disappears then or wants the divorce... it's Messed up world we are living in today bud... I don't know what to say to that...

 

I'm there with you though... same thoughts are in my head.

[surfjon]

I'm starting to view things thru the same goggles.

 

What's the point?? I was with her 22 years, if I didn't have love with her, who then??

 

I was willing to work on anything to keep us together in the same house and raise our kids together and grow old together, she wanted to try nothing, just walked. So I let her walk, all I could do.

 

I've really become cynical as it relates to this fictitious concept of "love".

I will really distance myself from becoming close to anyone again, the return isn't worth the risk. I've dated a few girls, but limit it to 5 dates, then I'm done. If there was sex, great, but if not, whatever........NEXT!!

 

Never freakin again do I get close to a woman.

[jettison]

image removed

 

There is something hardwired in our genes about liking someone who is too available. Something is telling us that they must be available for a reason. Whether they won't even go out with you to begin with, or you are in a relationship with them but they remain distant, there is something so utterly and romantically satisfying about winning someone's affection who isn't willing to really give you that affection. Few of us are completely immune.

 

If someone is completely available? Always there for you, always honest, never wandering, would never stray? Somehow, we tell ourselves that it's because there must be something wrong with them. You know the misery and anxiety that exists inside you. You know, deep down, that you are conflicted, uprooted, unsure because your ego tells you so. So many opinions of you coming from so many outside sources. Who to believe? And you wonder to yourself, "What the hell is wrong with this person that they can be so sure about me? Me?! Don't they know I'm messed up?"

 

Otherwise, you think they may be lying. What are they getting out of this? I can't even believe they feel this way. Hence, your mind can become so suspicious. You would prefer to torch the relationship so you can get to the bottom of this mystery that makes no sense. Or else maybe you think "maybe no one else wants them". Is that why they are holding on to me so hard?

 

Biology teaches us to want to pair up and mate with the fittest whether that be body, mind, or spirit. When someone isn't giving into you, then you are liable to think that they must have something special there. Why can't I have it?! If they give it up too easily? Oh, there was really nothing there at all.

[need2bme]

Jettison: Very well written.

 

Thanks. It is food for thought.

 

Maybe it is a whole "self-worth" or "conquest" issue.

 

Who knows, it could come down to the 'ol black and white, I just don't wanna get hurt again.

 

I will admit that I would do almost anything to have the good times we had, back. I don't mean any good times with anybody, but we had some special times. I think, whether she was geuine or not, that is what gets to me.

 

Anyway, as I know I would like those feelings again, it does not make sense for me to fear or to hide.

 

Hence, the "inner civil war". ;-)

[1HelluvaGirl]

I hope that when we get to a place of healing, that we can focus on having the good times again, and not associate the good times as "only being able to happen with that one special person." This has been a real challenge for me as I feel (in this moment) like I will never find that type of unity with someone again.

 

BUT I have had my heart broken before (albeit never to the depth of the hurt I feel now), and yet I have always managed to love and trust again. It is my nature.

 

If it truly is your nature to love and be loved, then you will do just that.

 

Movie quote that I like:

"Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. So, when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will."

[random_stranger]

I think the scary part about loving somebody is that when you're in that relationship you feel like you need the other person to be whole... to be complete. So, when your "other half" decides to leave you, you feel like you've lost a sense of yourself and I think that maybe that's why we're afraid to love because not knowing who you are can be a really frightening thing...

 

I've been in similar situations where I'm head over heels in love with my long-term bf and he decides to throw all that away over something stupid or over the hot * * * * next door. I, too, have wondered, "Why risk getting my heart broken again?" But I've realized that, as long as you remember to love yourself as much, if not more than your significant other, you may get your heart broken again, but you'll definitely recover faster.

 

To those who have given up on love completely because they're afraid of getting hurt again... do you really want fear to take over your life? As the self-help guru Susan Jeffers said, "[You should] feel the fear and do it anyway!"

 

Also, I must add that I don't think there's anything wrong with being single. If you choose to be single to be happy, by all means, go for it! But if you're choosing to be single because you're afraid to get hurt again, you're robbing yourself of the chance to find a love that's just as great, if not better, than your last.

 

Final point: love doesn't come with a lifetime guarantee. sometimes it lasts, sometimes it doesn't, but you'll never know unless you try.