Really falling apart

[BrokenAndSad]

I've been a shy and moody person since I entered my teens.It has much to do with me being bullied as a child.

 

When I was 15 I suffered a massive depression episode and came really close to suicide.

Afterwards I gradually recovered but I was still a really problematic person.Although I have some good friends I could never really enjoy life because of all my fears.

I could only meet girls online because I was too shy to approach one in real life.Every time we would meet in RL I was rejected by uniformed,quite simple girls because of my unassertiveness and shyness.

 

It continued until this year,when I was 19.However,things were really starting to get better at one point during June.I successfully entered colledge and met a girl who truly liked me and we had such chemistry.I really thought my life was coming to something.

But no such luck.Problems began when I made some stupid mistakes after a few weeks which made her consider our relationship.After having understood my mistakes I was desperate to get her back,but that only pushed her further away from me.

After a while she refused to even see me and was basically playing with me like a toy,saying she wants to see me again and then cancelling-4 times!

 

After starting my first colledge year I was unable to meet any people-one of the reasons was that I was so depressed obout my love situation that I spent many of my days in pidjamas.I'm an introvert so I have difficulties meeting people.

In addition,I kinda lost contact with my best friend from high school.

 

This crappy disgusting situation has been going on for about 4 months and I'm completely exhausted and losing my sanity.

My ex-girlfriend,who I was obsessed with to a point of stalking her,now has another boyfriend.

 

I am in worse situation than ever before-I'm depressed,lonely,mad,frustrated and desperate.

I have difficulties with my colledge and I spend most of my days in depressed idleness.

I don't feel like trying some sport for the first time at 19 and I don't know where to meet people.Actually,I don't feel like it at all-I consider most people of my age quite uninteresting.

I like reading books and history but that's just not enough.

 

I'm afraid I'll fail at colledge.I don't know...I'm just sinking.

[ftheunion]

Take philosophy in college. Then go from there.

[Entropy Smith]

Take philosophy in college. Then go from there.

Not bad...can't give you to much props, cause ya know, da north, we won...although i'm italian and my relatives weren't here on until the 1920's so i had nothing to do with it...

 

To the OT:

 

You are on the verge of greatness...this breakdown...its a good thing...and all who want to evolve must go thru it...for you to go thru it so young...your upside is unlimited...the alienation you feel...you need to use it to deconstruct things from where you are rationally without the emotion attached (which is difficult fo course)...most people go thru life like insects...there can be no real transformation without a baptism of fire. Are you going to let your superpowers destroy you or use them to evolve? Just don't try to do it all in one day...