need2bme Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 go ahead, ask me...oh, how about NONE. I couldn't sleep; yes, I was thinking about her, so I thought I would workout. Uh, uh, wrong answer. Now I am wide awake, have to be at work in a few hours and am STILL thinking of her. I am chalking it up to one of those days. I know what I have to do... Funny thing is though, that I am meeting women and that is keeping me awake too. Either they make me think of her, or I start think of THEM and wondering what the hell would or is gonna happen, instead of just enjoying it. It really is so silly. It proves I have some work to do. I mean who does this? I was at a bar the other night where a bunch of people (and myself) frequent. A beautiful girl came to my side of the bar (no one else was really on that side; I chose to sit there because of that very reason), sat right beside me and introduced herself. I had seen her there before, we were just never properly introduced. Later, some people came in that she knew and twice she moved to different tables and twice she asked me to come over with her. I did at first, but when I finally decided to stay at my own table, she came over about 3 times to talk to me. We actually danced once and ended up talking, laughing and having a good time. I had the whole natural flirt thing going and I was making her laugh and we had a really good time. I left it all tied up neatly and did not move in for the kill, so to speak or anything like that. She left, gave me a hug and that was it. So, now, here I am, a couple of days later (I will see her there again), thinking of the ex and wondering what my next step is. I really am quite daft, I think...;-) Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Dude, at least you are going out and meeting people... So overall you'll be fine. There are people, (me including) that don't even want to go out and all they do is just constantly think about the ex. If you can do it, i say go out as much as you can and enjoy it, i'm sure the ex is... Having a shot to be with someone else is great ego boost and eventually, i'm sure, you'll stop obsessing about the ex. Good luck bud. Link to comment
EmotionalCreature Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I've seen someone done 3 nights and 4 days and lose over 10Kg in less than a week. Link to comment
rjr0815 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I was awake over 36 hours after my breakup on NEW YEARS DAY!!!!! and I have had only about 6 good hours since so I feel your pain! The reason: she wanted me to cook her dinner on new years day and we were going to watch a movie. She sent me a text in the morning confirming and then called me around 2pm to confirm her plans for the next few hours and that she would call when she was on her way. She NEVER showed. I had no way to get ahold of her because she was not answering her phone or text. Dinner was done, I went to get the movie she wanted, and nothing! The next day she finally comes over to tell me she was at a friend thinking about our relationship. All she had to do was call and I would have got some sleep. I am still tired as hell but we will move on. Link to comment
yellow_sweater Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 It proves I have some work to do. Maybe not! Seriously, give yourself time. There are some things you can to to work on your healing, and sometimes you have to sit back, stay up all night, and feel miserable. Sometimes there's nothing to work on for a while, and you just have to slog through a few bad days or weeks or even months until you become ready to take the next step. None of this happens on a timeline, none of this happens in a predictable way, and none of this is painless. Just know that yes, you'll get up in the morning and be ridiculously tired and maybe miserable, but it will pass with time. How are you feeling today? YS Link to comment
need2bme Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 Thanks all. How are you feeling today? HA! YS, I am tired. I actually was sitting on my couch after posting and fell asleep and then was late to work. Oh, I would be pissed at myself, if I wasn't already angry at myself. You are right about things though, you have to feel it all and go through it all. I just really need to learn from it. What is so cool is I know I need to change things in my life, as well, and the breakup lit the fire and now provides the conduit. As for other women giving me the time of day, I guess I should just look at it as not having to go after anyone AND besides, she could have just been friendly because we all hang out there... I gotta learn to relax and just be... Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I gotta learn to relax and just be... Amen Brother... you and me both. Link to comment
yellow_sweater Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I just really need to learn from it. What is so cool is I know I need to change things in my life, as well, and the breakup lit the fire and now provides the conduit. You're right, that is pretty cool! Sometimes really terrible events have a silver lining. We need to get out of the victim's mindset to see it. It sounds like you're on your way! I gotta learn to relax and just be... I'm not sure this is something that can be learned, but if you want help, try practicing yoga. The instructor, especially if s/he is actually well-trained, may be able to help you. YS Link to comment
Sadman84 Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Hey man, pretty much the same thing happened to me, a beautiful girl walked into my life and noticed me. It's amazing isn't it? After we got dumped we pretty much put ourselves lower than dirt, feeling like no one will ever want us. Then these women walk in our path and notice us, like a diamond in sand right? Next time you see this girl you have to get her number man. You'd be surprised how much a little attention can help you forget your ex. Keep us updated please Link to comment
Lovin_Life Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 You're right, that is pretty cool! Sometimes really terrible events have a silver lining. We need to get out of the victim's mindset to see it. It sounds like you're on your way! I'm not sure this is something that can be learned, but if you want help, try practicing yoga. The instructor, especially if s/he is actually well-trained, may be able to help you. YS Yoga has really helped me, it also gets me back into a solid sleep pattern when I start to not get enough sleep. Link to comment
kadvati79 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 The quickest cure for insomnia is the realization that its time to wake up I think you summed things up in your comment about "just needing to be". Thats what this comes down too. Some nights you are going to stay awake thinking about things. Some days you are going to miss important people from your past. You can't erase those important people from your past, but be careful to consider that they represent your past and not your future. In terms of practical advice for those sleepless nights, try writing your feelings/thoughts down if you are lying there in bed. I find it makes things go quicker. The worst thing you can do if you can't sleep is simply lie there in bed. Get up, put a movie on, play a computer game, go to the gym, go for a run - do anything but don't sit or lie in your bedroom. Your bed should always be a place you feel safe and associate with sleep (and also of course other even more fun activities!). I get the feeling mate that you're stretching yourself because you believe you should be feeling/acting in a certain way. You want to be over her, and you feel like you've earned it. I'm of the belief that it takes precisely as long as is required for you to get over someone. You take action but realise that the process goes on until you're happy again. It took me as long as was required for me to earn my happiness again. Pain and suffering is your body/heart telling you its struggling, but in the process of struggling you are learning, adapting, and developing. This is all getting you closer to that flakey concept of happiness. I think you're biggest relief will come from learning to enjoy the little things. If life gives you lemons, no need to make lemonade. Why not just study that lemon for a bit, bath in the beauty and wonder of how it grew. Sometimes I find enjoyment comes from places and things that I never would have expected, you just need to keep an open mind. Don't get too focused on that goal, or you might not see what you pass by. Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 I like the facts of life... So true. Great post. Link to comment
SarCareBear Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 an amazing, and amazingly true post!! i am also one of these people guilty of putting a LOT of pressure on myself to feel a certain way, such as feeling like i should be over my ex. we have to be kind and gentle with ourselves. "when life gives you lemons make lemonade"... A DANGEROUS EPIPHET!! i've already somewhat internalized this motto, and i think if i take it any more seriously then i'd truly NEVER Be able to relax or feel comfortable in what i'm doing. i mean, why should their be so much pressure with these life-lemons?? i think i'll make lemonade sometimes, other times i'll contemplate the lemons, other times i'll just go take a nap. Link to comment
need2bme Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 IMB: What an awesome post brother and SO GOOD to see you around. I hope you are doing well. It seems that you always pop in at the right time. I can tell you this; I see your point about associating the bed with rest (oh, and of course, your other fun activities ). I think most importantly, is that I need to get into a pattern of sleep. Most importantly, I need to make my life conducive to rest and the ability to relax when needed. I need to ensure I do what is needed to calm some of the stress and not create more... I think this: You want to be over her, and you feel like you've earned it. I'm of the belief that it takes precisely as long as is required for you to get over someone. You take action but realise that the process goes on until you're happy again. It took me as long as was required for me to earn my happiness again. Pain and suffering is your body/heart telling you its struggling, but in the process of struggling you are learning, adapting, and developing. Is most important. I always remember you writing on "waves crashing over you" and to "just feel the emotions". How important to remember. I need to constantly recall that no matter what others advise, only I can heal when I am ready. I have a friend that says, "I will be ready when I am ready and only I now when that is." You have been great in helping me think about things IMB and I appreciate that. SarCareBear: I am with you in taking to heart what IMB meant, in that there is really "no NEED to make lemonade". I guess we can either make the lemonade or we can "take a look at the lemon". Either way, we are moving forward...hopefully anyway. ;-) Link to comment
yellow_sweater Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 About the lemons/ lemonade analogy... In a way, I think that "just looking at the lemons" IS a way of "making lemonade." You don't always need to force yourself to be happy if you're not, although there are some times when you should put on your happy face. Sometimes "making lemonade" might mean some introspection about why things went wrong, or it might mean allowing yourself to feel some things that you've been trying to avoid. I guess it means taking a bad situation and allowing yourself to grow through it, however you need to grow. Need2beme, sounds like you're right on about allowing yourself that time to feel pain and to grow at your own pace... sometimes progress hurts. Be well YS Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.