ups and downs

[avb74]

My girlfriend broke up with me just before summer when school got out. We had been going out for almost a year and had our ups and downs like most couples (I know a year isn't that long). But I guess she had about enough of what I did and ended it. I was devastated and hoping that something would work out (I really cared about her). She said she wanted to be friends and not lose contact but I knew that wasn't going to happen. I called her a few weeks later and that was the last time as she didn't seem interested or was busy. It took me all summer to get over the fact that it was done and done. I tried my hardest to not let it get to me. Looks like I had dealt with it enough. I saw her screenname online when I was just about to start school (4 months later) and didn't say anything.

 

It was like I was moving on with my life. Out of the blue she IMs me and tells me if I hated her (I didn't), etc. We met up later and she asked about how I was and my life so far. I find out she is now dating and has a boyfriend (she met him like right after we broke up). I dont know why she did this. Everything would have been fine if she didn't talk to me. Now its like I'm back to when we just broke up. All the anger, frustration and unhappiness. I know we're aren't going to get back together, she seems happy now. She doesnt want to hang out or anything. If this is the case why did she even bother saying anything? She also said that she didnt want to hurt me in our conversation, but why tell me all this stuff. Its like a lie right to my face to get even. And if she did want to get back, then why tell me about her bf that she's been dating for 4 months. I know time will heal but this is like a step back. Thanks for any advise

[The Morrigan]

Sounds like a bad judgement call on her part to try to give a last "friendly note". What she didn't take into consideration was that while she's had someone to help her move on - you haven't gotten quite that far yet, and her gesture backfired. She wanted to feel like things were "ok" as far as no hard feelings - and instead of accomplishing that, seems like it just brought everything back to the present for you. I don't think there was any malicious intent here though, just lack of forethought, and a good intention with bad results for you, sorry it happened that way.

[vfunkera]

Morrigans could be right, maybe she just thought u were ready to be friends and so she came out with it when u probably asked her how her life was in. but i would be more suspicious.

 

i think there was intent there and that she was trying to get at u. the more likely reason is that 4 months without contact is a long time, and i she would have got the impression that u dont really want to know her anymore and that u are moving on. the opportunity to contact u for the first time was too tempting and since u werent starting it, she had to.

 

dont be so sure that she is happy either. she wanted to meet up with u, so unless she isnt thinking about u anymore, there wouldnt be any reason for her to try and contact u. of course, she might have been dieing to tell u of her new boyfriend, because she wanted to show she was moving on as well as u are. she doesnt want to hang out or anything, so why would she want to meet up, especially since shes got a new boyfriend.

 

unfortunately when we break up with our exes half of it becomes games and trying to get at each other. even my ex, who comes accross as so shy and honest is playing games with me from time to time. when i was trying to get back with her, i was actually hoping she heard about my new girlfriend, because i was missing her at the time and wanted it to get to her. she might be doing the same here. trust me everyone goes through this. if there was intent, it was to make u feel the way u are now, so fight it and remember how well u were doing before hearing all that crap. and yea, time will heal u.

 

if there wasnt any intent, then i guess she'll probably contact u again soon because she presumes that u are now friends. but i doubt it because she doesnt want to 'hang out anymore'.

 

hope i made things a bit clearer. good luck u were in control of the situation, so dont let her get to u! 8) 8) 8)

[avb74]

Thanks for the advice. I am slowly starting to recover and this forum is great to help in healing. Somedays are better than others but we all have to look on the bright side of things. I feel like I want to get back but I know things will never be the same. I want my brain to stop being so stupid .