...And moving out.

[sweetooth]

Okay so I think have have come to the conclusion I will be ending my relationship with my boyfriend (but I will know 100% when he comes back from his trip).

 

Anyway, so the thing is, I live with him and a mutual friend (my boyfriend's old roommate) in a townhouse. I did not listen to my dad in that I should have brough up the idea of creating a contract in case something like us falling out happens. We didn't and he signed a two year contract with the owner. Two years is a long time. We've been dating for a year and 3 months and moved in together at 8months into the relationship.

 

Now the question is, part of me is saying be logical and end things after the semester, in which 2 others said I need to be logical as well, however my boyfriend reads me well and I'm sure he will say something about my behaviour. However the other part of me says, it's not right, it's not fair to drag on a relationship more than it should be so I should move out ASAP and out of decency, take a loss and still pay rent but not live there.

 

In a nutshell my choices are:

1. Stay with him until the school semester is over (May) and break up/move out a month after I give notice to him.

2. Break up and move out ASAP and still pay the rent for the rest of the year (but not the remaining year after, it was HIS choice to take a 2 year contract in his name)

 

Thanks!!!! And this is my first experience living with a boyfriend.

[Hope75]

Hi There,

 

I don't think you should drag the relationship out any longer than you have to, if you know you don't want to be with him anymore.

 

Is there any chance you can place an ad for a sublet- an offer for someone else to take out your part of the lease?

 

How many bedrooms are in the townhouse?

[DN]

Well, it was his choice but I assume you went along with it. I think you should break up with him now because not to do so would be wrong. If you don't love him then you should break up with him and the rent/living arrangements are a secondary consideration

 

I don't know what the 'legalities' of the rent situation are but to leave him on the hook for the rent seems a little off even for the second year - I think that is going to have to be negotiated somehow.

[itsallgrand]

I agree that if it is time to end the relationship, do it without holding it off because of the townhouse.

 

You can figure something out. Negotiate. Realistically, I doubt you'd have to pay for the full term. Maybe at most a few months.

 

I'd give the two of them a chance to think up possible friends/new roommate candidates who could sublet before rushing to place an ad, though.

 

It would be the right thing to break up, pay until something else is arranged.

 

It's a bit of a pricey lesson possibly, but you won't forget it. tc.

[sweetooth]

Re: Hope

 

Is there any chance you can place an ad for a sublet- an offer for someone else to take out your part of the lease?

 

-possible but if not I can bite the bullet and pay my rent while living elsewhere like my parents or brother

 

How many bedrooms are in the townhouse? 3 so I had my own room while sharing the masters with him, like the bathroom and walk in closet

 

 

Re: DN

"I don't know what the 'legalities' of the rent situation are but to leave him on the hook for the rent seems a little off even for the second year - I think that is going to have to be negotiated somehow."

 

Why I should have listened to my father, however I don't think it's fair I will have to pay for another year because he decided to do a 2 year lease fully knowing that our other roommate is graduating before us and knowing the possibility that he will be moving out, which he made clear he knew that he'd have to replace him.

 

Thanks for the replies thus far.

[Hope75]

So there is an extra bedroom so a subletter is an option- I would place an ad ASAP and let your boyfriend know you are moving out. If you can, agree to pay your portion of the rent until you can secure a subletter and hopefully it will happen sooner rather than later.

 

Did your boyfriend live at this place before you did? How was he managing the rent then?

[Hope75]

Did you not go along with the extra year on the lease?

 

If you did not, why did you stay at that point? By staying, you showed him with your actions that you agreed to the terms.

[sweetooth]

"Did your boyfriend live at this place before you did? How was he managing the rent then?" No he didn't, we all moved in together the same time when we found out we could break our lease at the dorms since the management changed.

 

 

 

"Did you not go along with the extra year on the lease?" I guess in my heart I did not but thinking back I know I should have said something although I didn't.

 

"If you did not, why did you stay at that point? By staying, you showed him with your actions that you agreed to the terms."

 

Why? Because I thought that I was just scared and decided just to get over being "scared" since it is something new. Also, I'm new at this and perhaps I was a [little] naive. And yes this will be a pricy lesson. Sigh.

[sweetooth]

Oh and I'd also like to add why I stayed...well I did/do love him and sometimes in life are just unexpected...I didn't know I was going to feel this way after several months living with him...

[Hope75]

Well, hopefully if you place an ad you will get some responses and be able to sublet your lease.

 

When do you plan to tell him?

 

I would draft an ad and tell him ASAP, and place the ad immediately after.

 

What made you decide to break it off with him, BTW?

[itsallgrand]

Still, you deserve to be commended for wanting to do the right thing.

 

How else to learn but to make mistakes sometimes?!

 

Will you be able to swing paying rent there and living somewhere else for a while? (I'm quite sure a new roommate can be found either through contacts or an ad).

 

I guess it is time for you to start planning seriously. Do you have somewhere else to live?

[sweetooth]

When do you plan to tell him? When...I'm not sure. He's out of town right now until tomorrow and I will know 100% when he's back because his presense will either confirm it or make me think otherwise. It sucks because I know there is no right time but it's like * * * * ...It's the new year and what not......blah.

 

What made you decide to break it off with him, BTW? Something changed after my trip back home, which was for a week. I think that reality hit me that I will be graduating soon, 3 semesters left. Talking to all my old friends and family about our future, relationships, etc made me realize I need to be on my own and do my own thing until then...I guess exploring and figuring out who I really am and what not. Also, it made me really think about seeing if I want him in my future.......I don't think he's the one...So why be in the relationship if I don't see it progressing?.....and also, I won't lie, but what confirmed how I have been feeling is that I ended up kissing someone else during my trip...I wouldn't be ending my relationship because of that incident/or for him, so don't misunderstand. It just made me realize I need to do my own thing. And everyone has been telling me that "I am so young" (I'm 20, 21 in 2008).

 

Yes I can live with my parents lol and pay rent until someone else replaces my spot....

[Hope75]

You are quite young and seem insightful and aware that you are not ready to make that sort of commitment and I think you are smart not to drag something out if you know you are just not invested in it the same way your boyfriend may be.

 

Hope things go somewhat smoothly when you break the news and do keep us updated.