Men in their early 20's do they all go through this??

[shellie12345]

This question is for anyone who can relate or can offer some insight...

 

Do all guys in their early 20's go through a "selfish" stage? A stage where he wants nothing to do with commitment just to be able to only have to think of himself?? I cannot think of any other word to describe it so if selfish is offensive I apologize. I am wondering this because I am in the process of dealing with the ending of a long-term relationship. I have come a long way and am finally able to discuss things with my ex in a rational manner. He expalined to me why he is happy at this point in his life. He told me that at this point in his life he only wants to have to put himself first he does not want to have to think of anyone else--he enjoys not having to worry about me or where I am etc...he wants to be all about himself. Since he has told me this I have noticed so many other examples of this same sort of behaviour from men this age. All of the guys he is living with are breaking things off with their girlfriends, some friends of mine are dealing with the same sort of situation also. It all just leaves me wondering if this behaviour is normal to men at this age--or if my situation is unique and I am looking to far into this....

any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[caliboy]

i'm a 24 year old guy and i went through this (kinda still am). in fact, girls go through it too i've noticed. i'm thinknig it's part of the growth process. discovering who we are, etc. we're getting closer to the chapter in our lives when we settle down with someone, raise a family, start a career, etc. so we want to have our individuality right now, hang out with our buddies, do our own thing, date other girls, even have other girlfriends. don't take offense to it. if you guys are still talking then that's good. if things are meant to be with you two then they will eventually.

[So_confused]

I did the same thing when I turned 22, it wasn't because I only wanted to think about myself. It was because at that age us guys start to think about marriage and such and that starts to scare us. Do we really want to be with the girl we're with forever? or do we want to go out and have a good time with other girls. It's all about finding out for ourselves what we really want. It might be a little selfish but do you really want your boyfriend in the realationship if he isn't sure about being with you forever?

[sisterlynch]

I think that becoming an adult in the "secular" world is almost impossible now a days. there just are no mile stones that say you have arrived. Look for outside guidance that will tell yu if you make sense or not. This is the biggest sign of maturity, listening to your own voice over the "guidance" of others. When you get to the point where you know you are you -- whether others agree with you or not, that is when you know that you are being an adult.

[mahlina]

I think that men do those things in their 20s b/c they want to experience with playing the field before they settle down. They would rather party and have fun rather than being tied down. Some of them, however, are truly monogamous, and devote themselves entirely to a relationship.

 

Women go through this too. I used to enjoy clubbing for the mere fun of dancing, and just hanging out with girlfriends. I didn't want to be an old hag. It was like being young, and enjoying your youth. It was fun.

 

Guys however, even though they want as much fun, they don't get as attached, especially when it comes to sex.

 

That's why my suggestion to you is that the guy that you are with, even though he's breaking your heart, it doesn't mean that you are/or are not the one for him. He's just not ready.

 

In the meantime, you should enjoy your youth. Have fun. Get to know yourself. You don't need influence of peers. Do the things that you love doing, like hobbies or exercising. Don't sleep around, don't drink (especially b/c you feel like drinking will suppress your feelings), and concentrate on your future.

 

You need not to worry about what he wants. It's what you want. If he's putting himself above you, then you must put yourself above him.

 

Focus on your future. It will not only make you more confident and mature, but also happier for the fact that you're not settling for less than what you want.

[Nameless Face]

I guess men go through that. My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago and he said that he's confused and he doesn't know what to do or feel anymore. I know he needs space and he needs time to grow up. Though it was painful, I forgave him anyway. Maybe men mature slower than women and as women, we have to give them time before they can really be sure with themselves, and as humans, chances are they're going to yearn for affection again, and if the love you gave them is real, there's a huge chance that they're going to make up for what they missed, but that's just what i think.