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Why's it as though some of us guys compete for who is the most unsucessful with women

ilovepoemsalot

By ilovepoemsalot
in Dating Advice

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CaptainPlanet Community Regular

CaptainPlanet

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If you are 25 or over and you've never had a girlfriend chances are there is something wrong.

 

Just being positive probably isn't going to fix it you need some help from someone who knows what they're talking about.

 

Men withdrawing from forming sexual relationships is not a new thing you're really not alone on that one. I am sure there are people out there who can help you. If you can get that help...I'd suggest seeing talking to a doctor or going to see a therapist, whatever comes first in your part of the world.

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JadedStar Collaborator

JadedStar

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Just being positive probably isn't going to fix it you need some help from someone who knows what they're talking about.

 

 

You are correct, which is why many females who know what they want and how females think have tried to help numerous men on this forum but some feel they already know the deal and ignore it. And this is women from ALL ages who have tried to do this.

 

ilovepoems seems a bit open to suggestions more than most.

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CaptainPlanet Community Regular

CaptainPlanet

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You are correct, which is why many females who know what they want and how females think have tried to help numerous men on this forum but some feel they already know the deal and ignore it. And this is women from ALL ages who have tried to do this.

 

ilovepoems seems a bit open to suggestions more than most.

 

Well maybe its not all about what the women want for a change.

 

The female wish list is useless in any case and ais highly subjective.

 

Women on this forum constantly underplay the importance of looks and presentation. Women really aren't good to go to for advice on attracting women. Even worse if you'r experiencing life long troubles.

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JadedStar Collaborator

JadedStar

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Well maybe its not all about what the women want for a change.

 

The female wish list is useless in any case and ais highly subjective.

 

Women on this forum constantly underplay the importance of looks and presentation. Women really aren't good to go to for advice on attracting women. Even worse if you'r experiencing life long troubles.

 

Then don't date if your view of women is so negative. I don't know how else to respond to that.

 

Women are not good to go for advice on attracting women?

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ilovepoemsalot Enthusiast

ilovepoemsalot

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If you are 25 or over and you've never had a girlfriend chances are there is something wrong.

 

Just being positive probably isn't going to fix it you need some help from someone who knows what they're talking about.

 

Men withdrawing from forming sexual relationships is not a new thing you're really not alone on that one. I am sure there are people out there who can help you. If you can get that help...I'd suggest seeing talking to a doctor or going to see a therapist, whatever comes first in your part of the world.

 

You know, I remember telling a doctor about my situation a long time ago, do you know what he said? 'Well everybody has problems'

 

What makes someone do that? Was he just purposely being an ass? Or does he really think that being in your late 20's (which I was then), not being able to get a girlfriend which has resulted in never having one and still being a virgin no more worse than being late with your bills? I find the latter hard to believe, unless you're mentally ill.

 

I dunno, maybe I didn't explain it fully to him, maybe I just said I can't get a girlfriend, and he just took it as that's how things were at the moment and I had had one before, but, I'm sure I did explain my situation fully.

 

Anyway don't mind me, I'm just waffling on now. But yeah, I am seeing a therapist, it's not specifically about the fact that I can't get anyone though. And I'm learning to drive, to get some more independance, which also means I've got to study for the theory test (which I'm finding hard because of low motivation/willpower, I can only do a little at a time), so, these two things are what I'm concentrating on right now in my life.

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Pinkbunny Apprentice

Pinkbunny

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You know, I remember telling a doctor about my situation a long time ago, do you know what he said? 'Well everybody has problems'

 

What makes someone do that? Was he just purposely being an ass?

 

What makes someone do that? I dont know. that doctor is wrong in making such a generalization : Everybody has problems. wow. I can't believe a doctor would say such a thing. I would suggest talking to a different therapist with empathy.

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JadedStar Collaborator

JadedStar

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Yeah, i dont think the doctor was tyring to downplay your strife, but if he was a medical doctor and not a therapist, what more can he really say if the patient is saying he can't get a girlfriend? That is kind of out of their area of expertise.

 

I think like ghost said he was just trying to make you feel better in that everyone has some problem ... i don't think he meant it like "ah suck it up, life is a btch" or anything like that.

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ilovepoemsalot Enthusiast

ilovepoemsalot

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Yeah, i dont think the doctor was tyring to downplay your strife, but if he was a medical doctor and not a therapist, what more can he really say if the patient is saying he can't get a girlfriend? That is kind of out of their area of expertise.

 

 

I'm 99% sure I was in there asking for anti depressants, and explaining why I was depressed. I don't think I just explained that as a reason for my depression, as there were other things that were making me depressed as well.

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JadedStar Collaborator

JadedStar

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I'm 99% sure I was in there asking for anti depressants, and explaining why I was depressed. I don't think I just explained that as a reason for my depression, as there were other things that were making me depressed as well.

 

The thing is MD's CAN and Do prescribe antidepressants all the time but they do not offer anything in the way of cognitive therapy. They offer a bandaid (i.e. the meds) but they can't do much more than that. I got AD's from an MD once and i knew that going into any details about why i was depressed would be only valuable in getting the script - notfor any specific or decent feedback.

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ilovepoemsalot Enthusiast

ilovepoemsalot

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so it was a medical doctor? if so, he probably didn't want to get into deep discussion with you about your problems. a med doc is there to help with pains, body functions, sickness, etc. not really analyzing your problems, dreams, etc.

 

All he had to say was 'Okay' and nod though when I was telling him why I was depressed.

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ilovepoemsalot Enthusiast

ilovepoemsalot

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Heck maybe he even asked me why I was depressed. I can't remember, it was about 8 or 9 years ago. Wow, that long, I never realised.

 

And you know, I still go over stuff like this from so long ago in my head sometimes, wondering why people have done or said the things they've done/said to me, replaying the scenario several times, repeatedly thinking of what would have been the best reply to him when he said that, and playing it out in the scenario in my mind.

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JadedStar Collaborator

JadedStar

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Heck maybe he even asked me why I was depressed. I can't remember, it was about 8 or 9 years ago. Wow, that long, I never realised.

 

And you know, I still go over stuff like this from so long ago in my head sometimes, wondering why people do that, replaying the scenario several times, repeatedly thinking of what would have been the best reply to him when he said that, and playing it out in the scenario in my mind.

 

LOL poems that might not always be the most productive use of energy but i guess it can have its merit. Especially if the exchange was close to a decade ago ...

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ghost69 Mentor

ghost69

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an MD diagnoses you and gives you a prescription based on his findings while questioning you. telling him you can't meet a girl and you are so down on yourself for it, blah blah, he concluded depression. so he gave you a remedy to help out. it's to put your mind at ease. fixing those issues is up to you and perhaps a therapist. not an MD.

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CaptainPlanet Community Regular

CaptainPlanet

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Then don't date if your view of women is so negative. I don't know how else to respond to that.

 

Women are not good to go for advice on attracting women?

 

No they're terrible at giving advice.

 

A woman will just tell you where you need to be to get her, she won't be able to tell tell you what you need to do to get there.

 

Whats worse is where you need to be changes very often. A man is able to give good directions of where you might be able to find a woman because he has looked before.

 

There is no point knowing how to find one if once you get there you don't know what to do with her because there is some othere issue blocking you. I suspect it is the case with a lot of men, they just don't know how to properly woe a female they can't form the necessary bond.

 

The woman just floats around the map waiting for men to find her, shes never had to go seeking so she can't possibly understand.

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galaxy71 Enthusiast

galaxy71

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I agree with your post. A guy who is successful with women knows what works on large numbers of women. On the other hand, a woman knows what works on herself. Guys are pretty aware of the confidence, personality, and communication skills that are needed to attract women. They are the ones who intitiate things and have to plan and execute things out in the courtship. Guys who are successful with women have a lot of experience and knowledge going from conversational icebreaker to sex with multiple women. On the other hand, a woman knows what works on herself. The only way she knows about what works on other women is through second hand knowledge(talking with her friends, and observing the courtship process in bars and parties).

 

A lot of guys talk about flirting, body language, building rapport, and having an exciting lifestyle as ways of helping guys become more attractive to women. On the other hand, a lot of women tell guys to just be themselves even though a lot of guys who are asking for advice are unable to attract women with their present selves. They also treat confidence as the panacea for all male problems. Yet they don't realize that confidence is not helpful if you do not have the personality to back it up. I have no freaking idea why women downplay the importance of social skills like flirting and touching. Asking a billion questions is not going to generate sexual tension or get a women interested in you if you never talk about yourself. People's advice comes from their unique perspectives. As a result, a lot of women don't know what approaching women is about, just like men don't have a clue about what childbirth is about.

 

If you want advice on how to hit against a good pitcher like Jake Peavy, you are better off asking for advice from hitters on other teams, instead of Jake's teammates. The reason is that his teammates don't have firsthand knowledge about how to hit against him.

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