NC from ex on special occasions

[emalkoc]

Well, all it depends the personality of the dumper..Sometimes people make mistakes, dumping you and I...Grass is very greener syndrome but they dont want to admit and they dont want to look like weak...And, they dont know how to come back if ever. At the same time, they are very confused. That's the case for my ex.

 

QUOTE]

 

 

You're better then me emal, because I just think that is a load of crap. Whadda you mean they don't know "HOW" to come back?? Puh-lease. They know damn well how to come back...BY COMING BACK. Same way they knew how to end it.

 

(my bitterness is on a surge today, ya think )

 

I guess I am speaking of my ex more than general...When someone has too much stubborness, this is the symptoms. I personally experienced with her last year when she was coming back...

[yo]

Sometimes people make mistakes, dumping you and I...Grass is very greener syndrome but they dont want to admit and they dont want to look like weak...And, they dont know how to come back if ever. At the same time, they are very confused.

 

I don't quite get this point. If you want something, you go after it right? If they did succumb to "grass greener syndrome" and now they realise that "you are the ONE", then I would expect them to come back to us??

 

Or do you think it becomes a question of the ego?? That she dumped you and now she can't go back to you?

[emalkoc]

I was the dumper. He contacted me over the holiday. I wish we could get back together (even though I am the dumper) but I know that the relationship is not a healthy one and that if I did respond, it might indicate that I want to get back together...which I do, but only if he would change (which he will not)....so why torture him and myself?

 

Just because the dumper is not contacting you, does not mean that they are not thinking of you or that they do not care about you. It only means that they are doing what they think is best for them.

 

I guess you are a perfect example why a man should demonstrate they could fix and change things I bet my ex is thinking 90% like you right now.

[glimmerofhope]

 

When someone has too much stubborness...

 

Amen to that, bro. I tend to go for the strong, independent and resolutely stubborn types. They keep things interesting, but it gets to be wearisome trying to work around their pride all the time.

[FreedomRing]

Emalkoc--my ex is the most prideful and stubborn man I know...I'm realizing that while I can be stubborn at times too, would you really want someone whose stubborness is that ridiculously high? That can't meet your vulnerability halfway? Aren't you worth that...??

[emalkoc]

I don't quite get this point. If you want something, you go after it right? If they did succumb to "grass greener syndrome" and now they realise that "you are the ONE", then I would expect them to come back to us??

 

Or do you think it becomes a question of the ego?? That she dumped you and now she can't go back to you?

 

well, you are thinking like a MAN logic honestly...If female case, I think there is a lot of emotions, pride, ego involved especially for a dumper...

[emalkoc]

Emalkoc--my ex is the most prideful and stubborn man I know...I'm realizing that while I can be stubborn at times too, would you really want someone whose stubborness is that ridiculously high? That can't meet your vulnerability halfway? Aren't you worth that...??

 

 

Well, I am very stubborn person as well...So two stubborn do not work very well sometimes until one gives up...But if you love someone in other areas, it must be something that you have to work on and talk about it. btw...if you think there is a half-way in relationships, forget about it..If you get 30-70, then you are lucky.

[yo]

I was the dumper. He contacted me over the holiday. I wish we could get back together (even though I am the dumper) but I know that the relationship is not a healthy one and that if I did respond, it might indicate that I want to get back together...which I do, but only if he would change (which he will not)....so why torture him and myself?

 

We guys are really bad at picking up clues!! Why don't you just tell him to his face - "I will get back to you, if and only if you change". Trust me, if he really cares about you and loves you, he will do it

 

I wish my ex told me what's bothering her. I would do anything to fix it! If only I knew....

[glimmerofhope]

Emalkoc--my ex is the most prideful and stubborn man I know...I'm realizing that while I can be stubborn at times too, would you really want someone whose stubborness is that ridiculously high? That can't meet your vulnerability halfway? Aren't you worth that...??

 

This is a good point. Even if you overcome the hurdles created by their stubborness/pridefullness in the short run, they're still going to be the same person, and these problems seem like they'll inevitably resurface because of it.

[FreedomRing]

well, you are thinking like a MAN logic honestly...If female case, I think there is a lot of emotions, pride, ego involved especially for a dumper...

 

I doubt gender has much to do the ego, pride and stubborness factors...think thats pretty much individually-specific, but if i was to generalize, i'd actually say its women who go back with egg on their face more often then the men...look at most of the cases reflected on this forum...way more of women that come back and do the contacting then the men...

[yo]

A simple "Merry Christmas" text message would not have sent me down a path of expectations that we would be getting back together anytime soon. It would simply have reaffirmed my faith in myself and my own judgment, that I had not just spent all of this time and invested all of these emotions on a person who I never even knew. It would have given me some small hope that I am not such a poor judge of character that perhaps I can make a successful run at it the next time around.

 

Agree to that. Atleast I would have been happy thinking that I spent so much time with a person "with a heart"!!!

[ycmanvs]

I guess you are a perfect example why a man should demonstrate they could fix and change things I bet my ex is thinking 90% like you right now.

 

I am not sure what you mean by this. My situation has to do with the fact that my ex is an addict and that he cheated on me, so dumping him was the best thing I could do for me. If he were to change, as in go into rehab and therapy....after many years, he might become the the kind of guy that would treat me well. However, this is very unlikely to happen, unless he hits rock bottom. If he realizes what he has lost....ME....he might try to work on his issues. Unfortunately, I cannnot wait for him forever, so I am doing what I must do to stay away from him, even if it may seem rude.....

 

I do not think you treated your girlfriend poorly, so the situations are probably not that similar.

[yo]

look at most of the cases reflected on this forum...way more of women that come back and do the contacting then the men...

 

I would disagree. I think women are emotionally way stronger than men and just move on quicker. Whereas men still hang on, refuse to move on, refuse to give up, think of countless ways to win their love back and eventually give up, take a looooong time to heal and move on

[lizer]

i dunno. my ex didnt break contact for christmas or thanksgiving but yet he checked my blog 16 times over the past 3 days. so i mean.. you cant always assume just because they arent contacting that they arent bubbling over inside to do so. half the time i feel like dumpers dont contact because they fear we hate them, and dont want to take the chance.

[emalkoc]

I am not sure what you mean by this. My situation has to do with the fact that my ex is an addict and that he cheated on me, so dumping him was the best thing I could do for me. If he were to change, as in go into rehab and therapy....after many years, he might become the the kind of guy that would treat me well. However, this is very unlikely to happen, unless he hits rock bottom. If he realizes what he has lost....ME....he might try to work on his issues. Unfortunately, I cannnot wait for him forever, so I am doing what I must do to stay away from him, even if it may seem rude.....

 

I do not think you treated your girlfriend poorly, so the situations are probably not that similar.

 

Oh no, that's correct..I did not treated my ex poorly at all, I think I over-done it I understand your case though why you want to stay away. My situation is more with my ex than our relationship. She is very confused and she does not what she wants in her life yet.

[FreedomRing]

Well, I am very stubborn person as well...So two stubborn do not work very well sometimes until one gives up...But if you love someone in other areas, it must be something that you have to work on and talk about it. btw...if you think there is a half-way in relationships, forget about it..If you get 30-70, then you are lucky.

 

Nope, two stubborn ppl do not work well together. Even if one gives up, sometimes resentment is the consequence from whoever decided to concede, and that will resurface later as well. My ex and I saw a counselor together twice. After the first session, she quickly assessed based on our body language, and nature of our arguing in the session that it was clearly a power struggle going on. I laughed her off and thought how ridiculous--actually, she couldn'tve been more RIGHT!

 

This is a good point. Even if you overcome the hurdles created by their stubborness/pridefullness in the short run, they're still going to be the same person, and these problems seem like they'll inevitably resurface because of it.

 

Exactly...which brings me to glimmer's point. Best believe, that after one issue, that stubborness/prideful factor will resurface again, just on another issue. You have to really examine if as a couple two ppl possessing these traits, are actually compatible...I'm learning they're not...

[glimmerofhope]

I would disagree. I think women are emotionally way stronger than men and just move on quicker. Whereas men still hang on, refuse to move on, refuse to give up, think of countless ways to win their love back and eventually give up, take a looooong time to heal and move on

 

I think the difference is that women simply feel the pain, while men try to understand it. Given that these affairs are rarely conducive to rationalization, I think the former approach is far more likely to allow one to move on faster.

[cptanarky]

The 'grass is greener" syndrome is very true i was the one who dumped my ex, then a week later i find out shes going out with a former friend of mine then all i wanted was her back.... guess its is/was more of a jealousy thing cos i remember at the time before i found out about them not being to worried about it...