NC from ex on special occasions

[glimmerofhope]

How signficant to the prospects for reconciliation is an ex's failure to make contact in any form on a birthday or during the holidays?

[buckdawg]

are you still holding out hope?

[ycmanvs]

My ex contacted me. However, I do not see that as an attempt at reconciliation. I see it as a pleasantry, or a polite thing to do.

Since I do not want anything to do with him, I am not responding. Of course, if you want to keep in touch, then you can feel free to say "hello" for a special occasion, but be prepared for the emotions that might follow.

[glimmerofhope]

are you still holding out hope?

 

Not in the sense that I *expect* anything. But I think many of us would be deluding ourselves if we fail to admit that there's at least some small part of us that harbors a faint hope for happily ever after with the ex.

[glimmerofhope]

My ex contacted me. However, I do not see that as an attempt at reconciliation.

 

Right. A simple acknowledgment on these occasions would not in any way translate into a desire for reconciliation. But if they fail to make even that smallest acknowledgment, isn't that a pretty clear sign that you're no longer even in their thoughts? Or even if they did think of you, that they want nothing to do with you, which carries the same practical effect (i.e., either way, you're not in the picture, and you're not going to be)?

[buckdawg]

Right. A simple acknowledgment on these occasions would not in any way translate into a desire for reconciliation. But if they fail to make even that smallest acknowledgment, isn't that a pretty clear sign that you're no longer even in their thoughts? Or even if they did think of you, that they want nothing to do with you, which carries the same practical effect (i.e., either way, you're not in the picture, and you're not going to be)?

 

i would agree with this sentiment

[thinkstoohard]

Right. A simple acknowledgment on these occasions would not in any way translate into a desire for reconciliation. But if they fail to make even that smallest acknowledgment, isn't that a pretty clear sign that you're no longer even in their thoughts? Or even if they did think of you, that they want nothing to do with you, which carries the same practical effect?

 

That is pretty much how I feel. My ex contacted me via text two weeks ago to wish me a Happy B-Day. She even suggested I call her to chat. I called and never got a return call. She sent me mass e-mail Sunday wishing a Merry X-Mas. Not personal at all. Yesterday I received nothing. keep in mind that I sent her a letter last Friday... In my mind it is clear that she is only sending simple pleasantries (sp?) and really wants nothing to do with me at this time.

[emalkoc]

I wonder the same...I am not sure if you think of logically.

 

It could mean two things:

 

1. They dont think of us at all anymore...which I disagree. In my case, I was chatting with my ex the other day, she said something obvious that she was thinking of me other times.

 

2. They dont want to give a false hope...In this case, you just sit back and relax

[yo]

How signficant to the prospects for reconciliation is an ex's failure to make contact in any form on a birthday or during the holidays?

 

I would say it's not a good sign. By "sign" I mean a possibility of maybe atleast being friends in the future or even getting back. From my experience, most of the people who have reconciled are the ones who had some sort of LC and were still a part of each other's life.

 

None of my exes bothered to contact me on my b'day or any special occasion and I still don't talk to them after years

[ycmanvs]

Right. A simple acknowledgment on these occasions would not in any way translate into a desire for reconciliation. But if they fail to make even that smallest acknowledgment, isn't that a pretty clear sign that you're no longer even in their thoughts? Or even if they did think of you, that they want nothing to do with you, which carries the same practical effect (i.e., either way, you're not in the picture, and you're not going to be)?

 

Well, for me, I still think about him, but I do not want him to think that I am weak and willing to go back to a bad situation. I am actively forcing myself not to contact him, because then I might want to see him, so it is possible that even if they are not contacting you, they are very much thinking about you.

There is no way of ever knowing what someone else is thinking, but that is why No Contact works, because it puts distance between you and the person that left.

[FreedomRing]

Hmmm I would say that even if contact occurs it still doesn't indicate any kind of interest in getting back together. For example, my ex called me on my bday(back in Aug), after about a month of NC and we had been broken up for 3 months...we talked for about 20 mins and that was that. NC on thanksgiving and for some stupid reason I decided to text him yesterday wishing him and his family happy holidays. 3 hrs later I received a text back, reciprocating the same wish to me and my family, followed with a "how are you?" To which I answered short but upbeat, and asked him how he was too....guess who didn't get a reply back at all?? Just a pleasantry, and even calling it that is a stretch IMO. Moreso just a means to make himself feel good and that he is maintaing his "nice guy" persona after ripping my heart out and pissing on it..

[glimmerofhope]

I would say it's not a good sign. By "sign" I mean a possibility of maybe atleast being friends in the future or even getting back. From my experience, most of the people who have reconciled are the ones who had some sort of LC and were still a part of each other's life.

 

None of my exes bothered to contact me on my b'day or any special occasion and I still don't talk to them after years

 

I guess that's why I'm frustrated. When we parted ways two months ago, it was pretty amicable. Mind you, she was definitely the dumper, and I was clearly hurt by it all. Still, I thought we left on pretty good terms. The idea to me that three years of my life--with over two of those living together--can end so drastically and completely is disturbing. Even if she doesn't have even the slightest interest in a reconciliation, I would have thought our positive history together would have been enough for her to want to reach out and acknowledge I exist every now and again.

[glimmerofhope]

Hmmm I would say that even if contact occurs it still doesn't indicate any kind of interest in getting back together.

 

Again, the logic I proposed was:

 

"If ex doesn't contact on these occasions, it probably means there's little hope for a reconciliation now or ever."

 

Not:

 

"If the ex contacts on these occasions, it probably means there is a chance for reconciliation."

 

Very different causal relationships. I'm sorry, though, that the limited contact you had worked out as it did. That must've been tough.

[FreedomRing]

I guess that's why I'm frustrated. When we parted ways two months ago, it was pretty amicable. Mind you, she was definitely the dumper, and I was clearly hurt by it all. Still, I thought we left on pretty good terms. The idea to me that three years of my life--with over two of those living together--can end so drastically and completely is disturbing. Even if she doesn't have even the slightest interest in a reconciliation, I would have thought our positive history together would have been enough for her to want to reach out and acknowledge I exist every now and again.

 

Glimmer, and it SHOULD be disturbing. Like you, the ex and I lived together for 1.5 yrs and dated for 2.5...we freakin own a home together! The fact that they could so aburptly turn a cold shoulder to us like that, should be the motivation we use to keep drumming in our heads how we were obviously duped about their character. I don't know about you...but I don't really want to be involved with someone like that again, when I think deeply and move away from the longing and missing.....thats really not an attractive trait I want in my next mate...whomever it shall be.

[FreedomRing]

Again, the logic I proposed was:

 

"If ex doesn't contact on these occasions, it probably means there's little hope for a reconciliation now or ever."

 

Not:

 

"If the ex contacts on these occasions, it probably means there is a chance for reconciliation."

 

Very different causal relationships. I'm sorry, though, that the limited contact you had worked out as it did. That must've been tough.

 

I understood exactly what you proposed. I just merely countered that even if they DO contact it can still "probably mean there is little hope for reconciliation now or ever" as well.

[yo]

They dont want to give a false hope...In this case, you just sit back and relax

 

I don't think they even care about us. Mind you, this is a person who cares only about his/her happiness and DOES NOT care about us dumpees.

 

The only reason they don't want to contact us is that want to forget the past and move on. They don't have any plans of reconcilation. Infact they are trying their best to put us behind and move on

[glimmerofhope]

I understood exactly what you proposed. I just merely countered that even if they DO contact it can still "probably mean there is little hope for reconciliation now or ever" as well.

 

Damned if they do, damned if they don't. Oh well!

[FreedomRing]

I don't think they even care about us. Mind you, this is a person who cares only about his/her happiness and DOES NOT care about us dumpees.

 

The only reason they don't want to contact us is that want to forget the past and move on. They don't have any plans of reconcilation. Infact they are trying their best to put us behind and move on

 

This is it....

[yo]

I understood exactly what you proposed. I just merely countered that even if they DO contact it can still "probably mean there is little hope for reconciliation now or ever" as well.

 

Sabreen, you gotta read their mind. Are they genuinely interested in talking to you or if it's just a way to alleviate their guilt. Again, if they are doing something for their own happiness, then it's not going to work out.

[S agapo]

I don't think they even care about us. Mind you, this is a person who cares only about his/her happiness and DOES NOT care about us dumpees.

 

The only reason they don't want to contact us is that want to forget the past and move on. They don't have any plans of reconcilation. Infact they are trying their best to put us behind and move on

 

Good point

[glimmerofhope]

1. They dont think of us at all anymore...which I disagree. In my case, I was chatting with my ex the other day, she said something obvious that she was thinking of me other times.

 

With all due respect, I think the fact that you were in contact with your ex completely disregards the point. Obviously, if she is talking to you, then she is thinking of you. I'm referring to those of us who hear nothing at all.

 

2. They dont want to give a false hope...In this case, you just sit back and relax

 

Again, if they don't want to give false hope, it amounts to the same thing: they don't want anything to do with us. The only difference is that it comes from a kinder place than the "f**k you, I never want to see or hear from you again" one.

[emalkoc]

I don't think they even care about us. Mind you, this is a person who cares only about his/her happiness and DOES NOT care about us dumpees.

 

The only reason they don't want to contact us is that want to forget the past and move on. They don't have any plans of reconcilation. Infact they are trying their best to put us behind and move on

 

Well, all it depends the personality of the dumper..Sometimes people make mistakes, dumping you and I...Grass is very greener syndrome but they dont want to admit and they dont want to look like weak...And, they dont know how to come back if ever. At the same time, they are very confused. That's the case for my ex.

 

She has been in more contact with me more recently b/c I gave her a space as much as she wants to think about. Now, she and I are chatting and talking more often or at least we are.

 

So every case is different than others.

 

But I rather not to get a call or message from an ex thinking of me than get a message from an ex just being nice!

 

Being nice is very dangerous for dumpees.

[FreedomRing]

Well, all it depends the personality of the dumper..Sometimes people make mistakes, dumping you and I...Grass is very greener syndrome but they dont want to admit and they dont want to look like weak...And, they dont know how to come back if ever. At the same time, they are very confused. That's the case for my ex.

 

QUOTE]

 

 

You're better then me emal, because I just think that is a load of crap. Whadda you mean they don't know "HOW" to come back?? Puh-lease. They know damn well how to come back...BY COMING BACK. Same way they knew how to end it.

 

(my bitterness is on a surge today, ya think )

[ycmanvs]

I was the dumper. He contacted me over the holiday. I wish we could get back together (even though I am the dumper) but I know that the relationship is not a healthy one and that if I did respond, it might indicate that I want to get back together...which I do, but only if he would change (which he will not)....so why torture him and myself?

 

Just because the dumper is not contacting you, does not mean that they are not thinking of you or that they do not care about you. It only means that they are doing what they think is best for them.

[glimmerofhope]

Being completely indifferent can also be very dangerous for dumpees. A simple "Merry Christmas" text message would not have sent me down a path of expectations that we would be getting back together anytime soon. It would simply have reaffirmed my faith in myself and my own judgment, that I had not just spent all of this time and invested all of these emotions on a person who I never even knew. It would have given me some small hope that I am not such a poor judge of character that perhaps I can make a successful run at it the next time around.