She keeps calling my bf...should he still ignore or what?

[lonelygemini]

Sorry for the length, but here's my situation:

 

My bf and I have been through a lot in the past year. There had been major trust issues, break ups to get back together, cheating on both sides, etc. We both took a semi break (we were dating other people but still jealous, I know, it's stupid) from September to the week before Thanksgiving, when we finally decided that we are going to fully commit to each other and break all ties with other people. My approach was to call each guy and say it’s off; his approach (a jerk approach, I know) was to ignore the phone calls of 2 of the main ladies he was dealing with.

 

Well, it’s been a delicate time since then, since we are rebuilding trust and all the damage from what has been going on the past few months. But we’ve been taking it one day at a time. One of my ex lovers kept calling for a couple of weeks—I answered, but finally went off on him, so he hasn’t contacted me since then. His 2 ex ladies kept calling for about a week, but they also had stopped calling.

 

Now, maybe because of the holiday season, one of the ladies has been calling about every other hour well into the night. Granted, she probably doesn’t know we got back together—like I said, he simply stopped calling her and deleted her from his myspace page, so she can’t see his private profile. I admit, it’s been annoying me.

 

No, we can’t change our #’s right now because of some issues where we need to have the same phone number at least until the New Year. Also, I'm 99% certain that he hasn’t contacted her all this time.

 

I think he should answer once and let her know that he’s not interested anymore, but then again, that might be a foot in a door for her. But if he continues NC, will she stop calling? This is driving me nuts on a Christmas Eve.

 

So, should he say something to her, or keep ignoring her?

 

Thanks,

 

LG

[RayKay]

He should say something to her.

 

You are right, it was a jerky way to end things...but no doubt by this time she would have figured things out HOWEVER, given she is calling that much (that is just strange) he MUST be firm and tell her to stop it....

[lonelygemini]

Thanks RayKay for the advice...and I should add, she just started this on Friday. So, she hasn't called since about Thanksgiving. Like I said, i figured it was just the holiday season, because I once called someone who ignored me around Christmas to see how he was doing. Just...not that much.

 

Any others?

 

LG

[ebizdiva]

Well, I guess in my opinion there is no right way to handle things. There have been people that I've told to stop calling and then there are people who I just stopped taking their calls. If he is compltely against picking up the phone and telling her you can't force the issue. Maybe she just wants to say happy holidays or something might have happened to respark her interest in him. You never know. Eventually one way or another she will get the message if she doesn't get a response. Either that or she'll show up at his front door or at work. Who knows?

 

People are very lonely around this time of year and looking for somebody to hold. If you are as certain of his fidelity as you say you are I wouldn't let it get to me.

 

Sharifah

[Hope75]

I think he needs to answer and be honest with her, tell her he got back together with you and ask her to stop calling.

 

The way he left things was indeed pretty lousy- the respectful thing to do would be to be honest with them and end things- not leave them guessing.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Yes, it is very mean to just stop calling someone you have dated, no explanation. So keep that in mind for future, becuase he may well do the same thing to you in the future. If it were my boyfriend, I would certainly tell him how rude i thought he was being, and that he should be kinder to the person and treat her with respect.

 

But my concern might be that he is not as broken up with her as he claims to be... i dated a guy once who dated about 3 girls at once and lied to all of them. He was telling his 'main' girlfriend that the other two were people who were really 'after' him and he wasn't interested, but the truth was, he was dating all three, though some more frequently than others.

 

so perhaps he will just wait til the holiday is over and start calling them again with some excuse about his phone not working or being out of range.

 

it would make me very suspicious, to be honest with you. he could answer it in front of you, and say he is very sorry, but he is back together with his girlfriend so he won't be calling her again. very simple, takes a few minutes. why ISN'T he answering? that would be my question....

[lonelygemini]

Like I said before, I'm pretty sure he's not dating her anymore because she at first left messages like "what happened?", then nothing. The other lady figured it out.

 

I've known him for over 10 years, so I know how he operates when he cuts people off--honestly, I cut off people too without explanation, it's a jerky thing to do, sorry.

 

I will have him answer next time and tell her it's off. I was just kinda worried that she would take it the wrong way--she seemed kinda clingy when he was seeing her.

 

LG

[ebizdiva]

Like I said. I have just cut people off without any explanation even though it may be a jerky thing to do. So many times people want an explanation. (The nerve huh?) And I simply don't have one for them. I want to say, "Because you're stupid" but then that wouldn't be too nice so I don't say anything or they want to explain away every reason you give them for not wanting to be with them. Some people can't just accept that for whatever reason you don't want to be with them that you simply don't want to be with them. They give you the old "I can change" when what you want is nice for them to change but for them to simply go away. It's too late for all that and I wouldn't respect you if you did. But hey, that's just me.

[turnaroundmyway]

Maybe you could answer the phone and she would get the hint? If not, you can pass the phone to him and he can explain the situation.

[lonelygemini]

This is kinda late, I thought I posted earlier this week, but I guess it didn't go through...

 

I took ebizdiva's advice and just left well enough alone. Apparently she stopped calling before I even made the first post. well, I had a good Christmas, I hope y'all did too.

 

LG