Why do some thanked their folks for spanking them

[melrich]

How about this girl's father (I think it was abuse)? Clearly 15 years old is an age

 

If you are going to use spanking as a form of discipline it has to be age appropriate.

 

Children under the age of 4 have very limited understanding of right and wrong. And unfotunately you see many children at this age spanked because they have a tantrum or are crying....that is their way of communicating...it's not naughty behaviour.

 

So for me, if spanking is to be used, the youngest age I would suggest is 5 and personally I still think that is way to young. Probably more appropriate at 7 or 8 plus where they have the maturity to understand what action results in the connsequence and the fact that someone they love is hitting them.

 

I don't think it is a discipline that is appropriate much past the age of 10 or 11 when the child is far more likely to rebel against it that learnd from it.

[yeawutever]

I think grounding children is much more effective.

Anyone agree?

 

Yes I agree.

[rocio]

I think grounding children is much more effective.

Anyone agree?

 

or time-outs, if they are young. but you also have to be flexible because means of discipline that work for one child are not going to work for another.

 

i remember my sister used to laugh when my mom spanked her because she figured out that my mom wouldn't do it anymore

[JadedStar]

If you are going to use spanking as a form of discipline it has to be age appropriate.

 

Children under the age of 4 have very limited understanding of right and wrong. And unfotunately you see many children at this age spanked because they have a tantrum or are crying....that is their way of communicating...it's not naughty behaviour.

 

So for me, if spanking is to be used, the youngest age I would suggest is 5 and personally I still think that is way to young. Probably more appropriate at 7 or 8 plus where they have the maturity to understand what action results in the connsequence and the fact that someone they love is hitting them.

 

I don't think it is a discipline that is appropriate much past the age of 10 or 11 when the child is far more likely to rebel against it that learnd from it.

 

I totally agree.

 

I do, however, think that discipline can be accomplished wtihout spankings at all but understand why a swat on the behind (when age appropriate) can have its moments.

 

Some of the best behaved kids i have seen are from parents who don't spank but they aren't lazy. Disciplining a kid properly requires a parent to be involved and sadly too few parents want to take the time to do it. They give in and let the child have his or her way as that is the easiest way out. And parents who consistently do this create little monsters!

[RelaxByWater84]

I don't thank my parents for it. My parents always told me why I was getting spanked and that makes a difference. I never did the bad thing after that.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

I'm going to assume that those people are masochists or mess up fellows. If I'm not mistaken I read it somewhere that I offen hear ''I deserve it and learn from it/them or ''Thanks for my spankings I'm now a mature adult''. What's to be thankful about getting hit.

 

I think I got a lick one time (too little to remember it but I was told) and no I never say thanks. I ain't taught me nothing and as funny as this sounds I was also told I didn't cry not one bit, I was in fact just staring angrily.

 

you thank them when you get older, i wanted to slap the hell out of my mother when i got beating, they hurt like hell.

 

you thank them when you older beacuse someone cared enough about you to apply B.F. Skinners behaviorism approach and punish you when you do something bad, so they can have that problem reach extinction.

 

its a matter of them looking out for you, albiet a painful way.

[greenmonster]

If you need to resort to physical violence, you have failed as a parent.

 

Fear is no substitute for respect. Violence begets violence. "Spanking" sends a very clear message, when you don't get your way start swinging.

 

Seafarer, I couldn't disagree with you more.

 

Spanking your kids isn't violence...its a form of punishment that creates immediate results.

 

I was spanked on the butt with a belt by my dad when I was growing up. and lemme tell you, it hurt....BAD. I'd always get between 3 and 5 swats...which was kindof how I determined exactly how bad I had screwed up.

 

but I can promise you this...the things I did that I got whooped for I never did again.

 

I have never thought that what my father did was violent, aggressive, or even abusive. I have looked back and found that I most certainly did diserve what I got, and it made me a better person for it.

 

after the age of 11-12 the spankings stopped and that was that...and I ended up being a pretty dang good kid afterall. sure, I got in some trouble in high school for some dumb teenager stuff, but nothing like some of the horror stories you read about today with unruley kids.

 

parents need to spank their kids more....modern day people are scared to hit their kids and we have ended up with a buncha kids in our schools that think its OK to bring a gun to school and shoot other people. somethings wrong...and I for one think that if we raised our kids with a little more backhand that they might learn some respect.

 

 

 

I think grounding children is much more effective.

Anyone agree?

 

Grounding would have never worked on me...ever. I think grounding is a solution for minor behavioral problems, but thats it. it doesn't leave the lasting impression on a person that a whoopin does. and thus doesn't solve the problem

[sidehop]

Children these days are not like what they used to be when our parents & their parents grew up. They learned to respect their parents and adults REAL fast back then. Look at our generation...people are disrespectful, no thank you's, excuse me's and forget about I'm sorry's.

 

Parents these days like to blame others, don't teach their children a skill called responsibility and get offended when other parents try to discipline their children. We limit them on what they can do and how they can think. No more tags, call the police on a 8 year old boy because he just poked your daughter's butt, sue each other over snowball fights, and expect nothing but selfish things for themselves.

 

When did spanking become such big issue? It seems that some people care too much about others action while caring less for their children.

 

I do believe that children should be taught first on why they are being punished/disciplined and if the wrong action is repeated, time out's, taking away privileges may be the solution.

 

There are extreme cases where children will not understand why he/she did something completely out of the line. It's like teaching children why they shouldn't touch the hot stove is not something you can explain in words and make them understand the first time. They're curious. They'll still try. That's why parents yell or slap their hands. Because we do not want them to get hurt! That's not physical violence.

 

Again, I don't condone physical violence but when my g/f's son was younger (before 10) and got mad one day & said the F* word to her face, he felt her big hand slap accross his face. He has not said that word ever again.

 

I was spanked and I do thank my parents. They did it out of love & never hit me because they were mad. Often times I remember my spanking took place when I repeatedly broke the rules or did something absolutely terrible. I know spanking does not work with every children but my thoughts are there are times when kids should be. My g/f & I had a pretty heated discussion but came to the conclusion in extreme cases, spanking will be the last resort.

 

Here's an interesting fact also. Physically speaking, spanking the buttocks is the most effective & yet does not damage any part of the body because of the thick padding we all have. I'm not saying spank enough where the skin breaks & starts bleeding either.

 

Seriously, I am glad that many people feel that spanking is needed sometimes. Because this world sure needs it more then just a time out in a corner.

 

If you haven't seen Russell Peters comedy, watch it. It's almost too true about kids in the US vs. other countries.

[greenmonster]

So so so very true...

 

excellent post

[yeawutever]

parents need to spank their kids more....modern day people are scared to hit their kids and we have ended up with a buncha kids in our schools that think its OK to bring a gun to school and shoot other people. somethings wrong...and I for one think that if we raised our kids with a little more backhand that they might learn some respect.

 

I don't really know about this statement. We had a psychology teacher that explained us how she never got spanked but also was never a trouble maker, knew from right to wrong. But yes she goes on to explained that there was still discipline just not spanking. It would be wrong to assume that kids that never got spanked are gonna be criminals as well as saying spanking keeps all kids from later trouble. At some point it would depend on the individual and their varying temperament. Not everyone have the same equal reaction afterall.

[greenmonster]

I don't really know about this statement. We had a psychology teacher that explained us how she never got spanked but also was never a trouble maker, knew from right to wrong. But yes she goes on to explained that there was still discipline just not spanking. It would be wrong to assume that kids that never got spanked are gonna be criminals as well as saying spanking keeps all kids from later trouble. At some point it would depend on the individual and their varying temperament. Not everyone have the same equal reaction afterall.

 

 

oh very true...everyone under the sun reacts differently to different stimuli.

 

another difference I feel is boys vs. girls... whereas boys for the most part respond better to the physical, while girls will respond better to the mental/emotional. on a whole, average that is.

 

Adults men/women are no different than children to be honest. Men respond to sex more than women, and women respond to the emotional and psycological more so than men.

 

I think boys are mentally underdeveloped for the most part, especially the troublemaker types, and thereforeee the physical punishment registers better and has more resonance than a "time out" or whatever. a time out would just hack off a young boy...and it wouldn't prevent it from hapening in the fugure because it wouldn't sink in the way that a spanking would.

 

but I think young girls are more attached to the concept of disappointment and the psycological aspects of punishment and when given a "time out" or grounding from something then they actually think about it and it sets in better. where as if you spank a girl, especially if its the dad spanking the girl, then its almost a case where a sense of fear could develop from the child to the parent. a girl my interpret it as the father flexing his physical superiority on her instead of a parent just punishing her.

 

 

 

But again...everyone is an individual, and everyone is different.

 

I just think that as a whole, on the average...it would be better if parents would go back to spanking their kids more often.

[melrich]

a time out would just hack off a young boy...and it wouldn't prevent it from hapening in the fugure because it wouldn't sink in the way that a spanking would.

 

I said above, whilst we don't spank, I am not fervently against it and if some parents choose that as their discipline and apply it consistently and fairly, I guess it is one method.

 

I don't get why these discussions always turn to "time out" vs spanking.

 

We don't use time outs very much either.

 

No matter what method you use, what you are trying to teach children is behaviour equals consequence. Bad behaviour equals bad consequences. We didn't want to teach our children that an appropriate consequence was physical punishment. We wanted to find something else and it is usually loss of priviledges. Because in society, that is what we believe, bad behaviour generally equals loss of priviledges not physical punishment.

 

There are many things you can use and the secret to getting this right is to know your child and I can tell you they all have very distinct personalities and "hot" buttons. They will always test boundaries, you have to expectand even encourage that to an extent in children.

[greenmonster]

well put melrich...

 

and I'll openly admit that I know nothing about parenting...because I'm not a parent!! I'm just an outside observer looking in...I'm an uncle, and I have a best friend that is a single dad (mom died giving birth at age 19) that me and the rest of his friends have all helped raise this girl (she's 11 now and absolutely perfect!)...but other then that I don't have parenting experience.

 

I know what worked on me, and I know from observation what hasn't worked on others...and since my parents spanked me, and I turned out pretty good, then I do actually thank my folks for spanking me and teaching me some manners even if they had to beat it into me sometimes lol.

 

but I think you're exactly right when you say finding the "hot buttons" is whats key...

[melrich]

and I'll openly admit that I know nothing about parenting...because I'm not a parent!!

 

LOL...no one does. Believe me, it is very much trial and error and finding out what works for your kids.

[pranker578]

I never really learn anything from my mother as she tended to go way overboard with it. It became multiple blows and yelling and no she wasn't mentally stable as she suffered from bipolar disorder so there's no thanking her with it.

 

Evently it didn't last longer as my father had put a stop to it.

His way was the either taking away certain privileges (no t.v. no comp) withdrawing his affection plus not talking to me until I acknowledge what I done wrong or the look on his face that would scare me the most, he never hit me.

 

I was always daddy's girl until one event changed my views about him. I was 14 when I onced decided to stay at a friend's house afterchool. When I finally came home very late at night, it must have been around 11 at night. Anyways when I got there I got a slap on the face among with a bit of shaking and he was like ''Where on earth have you been, we almost thought something terrible happened''?

 

Nevertheless I was totally shock at that moment that I almost wanted to cry but instead I got mad and told him how much I hated him. Not the slap but the fact that it surprised me how he never lay a hand on me until that day. From then on it wasn't the same anyone until several years later I came to my senses. I'm sure I would have gone crazy if I had a kid and didn't show up.