Am I Paranoid or should i concern ??????

[markusG]

Ok the other week 28th nov my fiance and i split up after serious issues of trust over distance and accusations and stupidity and jealousy and horrid thoughts that went crazy. she mailed me to end it after id threatended to. We've dated 20mnths and met 3months total in person its excellent !

 

 

Anyway she sent ME and email saying she will only ever desire or want me and Loves me and to not worry over other men but its over due to my slander and her loving in vain but im still all she wants. BUT !!! prior to this email she'd removed me form her myspace pages and put a complaint in about my harrasment ? YET she still kept my photos and in a relationship up.

 

Anyway I had a flight booked and so a week later i ring to tell her i am canceling due to arrangements and she says she loves me and am I still coming and things. WEll its all a bit confusing. Saying she still only wants me yet ending it over accusations and putting in a complaint prior to telling me she desires me ? All Odd

 

NOW her brother mails me and says things arent as bad as they seem and to get the flight and RISK it all, rather than life a life of what if's . Her mum also says go and wants my itinery ? and that it will all be ok when i get there. And my fiance posts a comment about when does he brother come to america ? and he replies only when he has too ! She'd RISKED it all and her job ages ago to come see me and tell me she LOVED ME beyond words. And i needed to risk it all too. But it got bad apart and silly.

 

Well we were planing to get married.

 

What gets me is the removal of me from her things and the no contact stuff and then the mail saying im all she wants and all I desire and will ever love . But prior to this puts an harrasment on me ?

 

So we talk a week later on the phone and she says she still loves me and to ring 2 days before i fly and she'll come pick me up !

 

Am i Paranoid in getting suspicious ?

 

4 days after the bust up she puts new pics up next to mine even though im not on her friends and she's complained ? And puts comments like I wish i was abird and could fly to him ? and still has relationship on her bio . She also knows i suffer anxiety and panic and i do get paranoid.

 

Thing is my paranoid mind makes me think that if I insulted her love and she said shed loved in VAIN etc but still only ever desires me. I thought after the harrasment thing. She even said i was mental unstable and felt threatened ?

 

Was it A just a reaction of anger ? And then an email to tell me she was uspset and let down. and she has since calmed down ?

 

Or B have they all colectively decided to get revenge on me and get me caught in a stalker trap ?Her mum did still confirm in an email go ? and stuff like that but we should not talk till i get there and to just let her know im coming ?

 

 

Its all a bloody mess, yet I do still Love her and was stupidly jealous from over 6000 miles away and hated this one male friends closeness and though something was going on.

 

 

Thing is in person it is ALWAYS excellent. But apart its been hell. I just dont figure her doing a complaint and then making me out to be BAD, though i had sent her an email saying i couldnt cope with things and accusations and stuff out of panic It was DUMB. ANd then reversing it by saying im all she still and ever will Love want and Desire ?

 

Or did I just injure her pride ?

 

Do I risk going but make sure i have evidence saying I am welcome to make sure ? Thing is we do love deeply (I hope so after this) But I also DO not want to be seen as a Stalker or mentaly unstable ?

 

In all honesty it was just distance and paranoia and to much free time and panic which went crazy. I need to be carefull here. If she truly does Love me as she says WOULD she confirm it in a mial if I asked her too ?? Her mum said to contact my fiance through her ?

 

I made a bloomin mess I know with my jealousy, and feel im being punished already enough. But her actions change alot and so it was bound to raise doubt, and she knows how i think and work. Thing is despite it ALL i do Love her. Is she just wounded and upset or treuely angry and VENGEFUL and leading me into a trap ?

 

 

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP.........I

 

Only other solution is to redate my flight get a hotel and then contact to say i landed and if she wishes to meet for a coffee and make sure i do it correctly by keeping distance till she decides ? I dont want to loose my flight but i also dont want to be caught high and dry and made out to be something im not out of revenge !!!

 

Would people really do that ? LEAD me on because they felt hurt ?

 

OK Sorry but this does confound me.

 

I will go but with caution and im hoping it is all GENUINE and we CAN work it out and that maybe no contact is for our benefit to calm down.

 

 

TY

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Only other solution is to redate my flight get a hotel and then contact to say i landed and if she wishes to meet for a coffee and make sure i do it correctly by keeping distance till she decides ? I dont want to loose my flight but i also dont want to be caught high and dry and made out to be something im not out of revenge !!!

 

First and foremost...PROTECT YOURSELF. I am not quite sure why everything has to go through her mother. That is bizarre. I think when things are fractured, people say and do things they don't necessarily mean...it is just that they are in pain and lashing out. It is sad that in this day and age we have to think about entrapment issues, but that is unfortunately reality. If I were you, I would not go through her mother...deal directly with your girlfriend (ex?). Tell her that you have booked a hotel room to minimize everyone's discomfort. If she wants to pick you up from the airport, that's great...but also make sure you are prepared to take a taxi to your hotel in case she chooses not to show up. Also, plan an itinerary for yourself...things you would be interested in doing while you are there. This way, if she blows you off, you have just treated yourself to a mini-vacation and you can survive quite well without her. In other words go with the intention of sorting things out...but have a backup plan in case she bails on you. Don't be dependent on the hospitality of her and her family.

[markusG]

Well im supposed to be going with a view to staying for the 90days and discuss marriage. It just sems odd NO contact ?

Surely if you loved somebody to that degree you's WANT to try and say something yes ?

and why do the myspace thing and report me and yet still kep in a relationship and the pics up and then add more 4 days later as though she wants me still ?

Unless she has real problems ?

 

Yes

I have a plan to protect myself.

[markusG]

Cancel the trip until things stablize between you and her, and there is honest and open communication, and you have some idea of what the heck is going on. Don't go through family members! This is none of their business.

 

I said that BUT NO REPLY ????

 

All I get is she is ill or wont communicate till i get there or 2 days prior ???

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I said that BUT NO REPLY ????

 

All I get is she is ill or wont communicate till i get there or 2 days prior ???

 

Oh wow, I agree with Chucky, cancel the trip and go no contact. These are major games going on and you don't need the whole family involved in this. They all sound screwed up. If you go there you will be all alone and it will be all of them against you. Your girlfriend (or ex?) should stand on her own two feet and not have her whole family covering for her. Take this as a sign that if you got married to her, her entire family would be meddling in your marriage. Forget it, that's a recipe for disaster.

[markusG]

Absolutely cancel the trip. You're being played with and disrespected by her and her family.

 

Does she sound Ill or just wanting revenge

[markusG]

Oh wow, I agree with Chucky, cancel the trip and go no contact. These are major games going on and you don't need the whole family involved in this. They all sound screwed up. If you go there you will be all alone and it will be all of them against you. Your girlfriend (or ex?) should stand on her own two feet and not have her whole family covering for her. Take this as a sign that if you got married to her, her entire family would be meddling in your marriage. Forget it, that's a recipe for disaster.

 

it really hurts and i know ive been silly online but its not real life ya know in person its awesome

[mikem]

I don't know if you are still this lady, but she sounds like a world-class manipulator. She says she's a Christian, but she is using her relationship with God to manipulate you. I person who really loved the Lord wouldn't have some dude staying at her place for 5 days and having phone sex with you while he was there. I would be surprised if this relationship is still in existence, but SHE is the one with problem. I say this for people reading this post later on.

 

In a LDR you have to be extremely considerate of the person and not be disrespectful like this. She's the one who needs therapy or whatever.

 

I wish you the best MarcusG. Don't let this lady sour your relationship with God. It wasn't God behind this. It was her flesh and the devil using her to attack you. That sickening feeling in your gut is real and indicator you have no business being with this lady. Wish you the best and your concerns were on target.