xcazx Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 I will be perfectly honest, and say, that i have very extreme strong feeling for the older male that i am at work with. I am working as a waitress in a large resteraunt, or sometimes a kitchen porter and he works as the chef. I am 19 and he is 48. It may be a big age gap i know but i really cannot help the way i feel, and it is the most difficult thing to work with someone feeling like this. He has not one clue of my feelings. He has been married, divorced, he has two daughters, the youngest being in her twentys, and although i am not supposed to know, he will be marrying his partner soon. It only struck me how much i had fallen for him when i overheared his conversation with about his wedding news. I walked away into a private place and cried so suddenly, and so much. I went home that evening and drank a whole bottle of wine alone, and cried myself to sleep. We do sometimes flirt quite a bit, only recently since i have become more relaxed with him. Jokingly, at least i think jokingly, he has said "I woundt do that to you, im too madly in love with you" He sometimes touches my waist to tickle and sometimes comments on my figure. I do admitt i enjoy flirting with him. But at the end of the day, i miss him not being with me. I can hardly eat anymore, i always feel sick with so many emotions and tension in my head. My college work suffers, and i am drinking too much. If anyone can give me any advice please do. Thank You. ](*,) Link to comment
crazygirl69 Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 i kinda know where your at right now...see i have feelings for this guy who is 26 and im 16....but with ur problem here that guy is like old enough to be ur dad..thats kinda nasty...i mean if a guy is old enough to be ur dad that is where i would draw the line...but its ur life....and if this is what feels right to u then keep on having these feelings Link to comment
dfcannon Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 Wow, I'm sorry to hear that you're in so much pain. One way or another, the pain needs to end. Since he's engaged and has quite a lot of baggage (implying that he might not be such a stable man for you, either), you might consider quitting your job and trying to remove him from your life. Seeing him so much is making things worse. Another option is to confront him, either as a joke (hey, if you love me so much, why aren't you asking me out) or completely above-board (you know, i actually do have feelings for you, and please either go out with me, or stop the teasing because it hurts). One way or another, you need closure. You need to be either with him or completely without him, but no in-between in my opinion. Link to comment
Hotshot7680 Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 I can imagine how you feel for this man, but you need to think about the age gap, and I agree with crazygirl69 about where if he is old enough to be your father, you should draw the line. Just think about it for a while. Link to comment
enadevoli Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 how do you draw the line on your feelings? you can't help who you fall for whether the guy is the same age, or 50 years older. age doesnt even matter to some people. maturity is what should matter. because no matter how old you are, if you arent at a mature level, you act like a child & nobody wants to date a child. anyways, i agree with dfcannon. you need to quit your job, or possibly change your hours so that you don't have to see him so much. if you are hurting by the fact that you know you can't have him, this is the best thing for you. seeing him & continuing to flirt with him is only going to make your feelings stronger. i feel sorry for you, i know what its like to love someone you can't have & its not a good feeling at all. Link to comment
mugs Posted November 7, 2003 Share Posted November 7, 2003 Its called obsession,just try and I know its a hard one these days,just try to say it isn't right,for one thing hes getting married,you need to respect that,if he flirts with you or not..I was just at the video store talking with a pretty eighteen year old very mature young lady,we talk all the time shes very smart.Could have asked her out myself why not,you ask?Why limit yourself. Simply because its not right,just because your attracted isn't love by a long shot.Be careful and respect anothers relationship or you will never respect yours.Oh and facts show people aren't really mature until they are around 26. Link to comment
dfcannon Posted November 7, 2003 Share Posted November 7, 2003 Judging by your reaction to all the good and well-meaning advice, I have to suggest that you seek counseling for your likely state of depression. You might be slipping into alcoholism, too. You really need some caring, competent professional help to get over this overwhelming control he has over your happiness. Link to comment
SusieQ Posted November 7, 2003 Share Posted November 7, 2003 I am in a relationship now where he is 13 years older than me. There is so much he talks about when he was younger that I don't have a clue about. But really age does not matter if you really love the person you're with. You will have so many differences that it will make it sort of unique. But if he doesn't even have a clue that you're in love with him, and does not have feelings for you, then you need to try to find another job, or try to stay away until you can get over these feelings. Link to comment
xcazx Posted November 9, 2003 Author Share Posted November 9, 2003 Should i tell him that i love him?tell him everything?would that be wise or not? i cant leave that place.ill be miserable without him. i havent seen him for four days and it feels like forever to me, perhaps i am obsessed, but i love him and i want to tell him. Link to comment
xcazx Posted December 7, 2003 Author Share Posted December 7, 2003 went to the christmas party friday.something bad happened. im so scared please someone talk to me.i dont feel im getting the help i need here... Link to comment
ensign_19 Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 hi, i know where your coming from. cause im in love with a man that is 17 years older than me. So i understand your situation although i will never claim that i know what your going through. I have a feeling your shutting yourself out and closing up all the oppurtunities you could have to enjoy yourself and have fun at this early stage of your life. try thinkin of the future. he is 48 now but he will be an old man when you will be in your prime and most beautiful years. try and go out and meet more people and gradually you will start noticing many other nice men that could be much much better than him. and remember that no man is worth wasting your life over. take care of yourself at all costs. dont waste your precious tears over him. you are worth much more. concntrate on your college no matter what. men will come and go but your education will stay with you for the rest of your life - its your passport to a successful and fulfilling life. Please let me know how you are getting on. best wishes Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now