demolition_lover88 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Today is the fourth day my boyfriend has been ignoring my calls and texts, so today after work i decided i should go over to his on the train, without giving much warning and talk to him face to face. I text him a little while before i was due to get into my taxi. He called me back almost straightaway telling me not to dare come to his house and that he was going around to his Nan and Grandads house. I was in the taxi at the time of the conversation so i turned round and went home. I dont know what to do now? I thought going over there would solve something, but he just got angry. And now i dont know when he is going to call me. Im just really scared. I'm scared because i cant cope anymore. Link to comment
carriebradshawny Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Do you think that your insecurity, possessivness, and jealousy is pushing him farther and farther away? This is the reaction you don't want however your actions are causing him to do this. If he is irritated with you, the constant calls or texts will only make him more upset with you. Give him his space to cool down and let him contact you next. You CAN cope if this relationship doesn't work out. Remember that! Link to comment
demolition_lover88 Posted November 28, 2007 Author Share Posted November 28, 2007 i know what you are saying thank you for replying. i just sometimes think if i dont contact him...he's going to think i dont care. he's similar to me, he likes to be constantly reasurred. i only wanted a face to face chat with him, i just dont know how to get that. i deserve it Link to comment
15 Storeys High Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I think he's being a bit mean really. Is this really all because you got upset that he didn't invite you on xmas eve? You've apologised and that's all you can do. If he isn't mature enough to accept your apology then that is his problem. There isn't anything else you can do except leave him to it and move on. I'm sorry he's being such a child about it. Link to comment
demolition_lover88 Posted November 28, 2007 Author Share Posted November 28, 2007 Do you think its over then? I cant think of anything else it would be about apart from that Xmas eve thing. Everything was perfect before then. It really hurt because when he called me back and i was in the taxi on the way to his, he said he couldnt speak to me because he was seeing him grandparents. I just think that was an excuse. He was rather nasty to me Link to comment
carriebradshawny Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 i know what you are saying thank you for replying. i just sometimes think if i dont contact him...he's going to think i dont care. he's similar to me, he likes to be constantly reasurred. i only wanted a face to face chat with him, i just dont know how to get that. i deserve it If he ends the relationship because of Xmas Eve, then perhaps its for the best. If he runs on something like this what would happen at something bigger? He has asked you in not so many words to leave him alone. Respect that wish. Let him cool down and come to you. No texts, no calls, etc. Link to comment
15 Storeys High Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 It's a possibility it's over. It definitely will be if you continue trying to contact him. Just leave him completely alone and let him make his mind up what he wants. You've said you're sorry and you've tried to make contact and neither has worked. It's time to try the opposite tactic now. Link to comment
demolition_lover88 Posted November 28, 2007 Author Share Posted November 28, 2007 he hasnt asked me to leave him alone...infact he hasnt even said anything, so i dont really know how he feels. i've decided tonight i'm going to ring him up from my house phone and ask him to talk to me. i dont want to speak over the phone really, but at the moment its killing me. Link to comment
demolition_lover88 Posted November 28, 2007 Author Share Posted November 28, 2007 ok if you are sure? i was thinking of ringing from my house number. it comes up as private so he wouldnt know it was me calling. i just want to put my mind at rest, even if he finishes with me on the phone, so be it. i just need to put my mind at rest now. Link to comment
carriebradshawny Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 he hasnt asked me to leave him alone...infact he hasnt even said anything, so i dont really know how he feels. i've decided tonight i'm going to ring him up from my house phone and ask him to talk to me. i dont want to speak over the phone really, but at the moment its killing me. His silence and avoiding you is him saying "leave me alone!" If you want any hope of saving this relationship DO NOT CALL HIM. This could possibly push him over the edge and you will never hear from him again. Link to comment
15 Storeys High Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Don't call him. You won't get anywhere doing that. It'll just irritate him even more. Call a friend instead and chat to them, distract yourself. Link to comment
demolition_lover88 Posted November 28, 2007 Author Share Posted November 28, 2007 ok i have now decided not to call him. at the weekend we are supposed to be going away. i mostly need to speak to him to arrange that, and if he decided he didnt want to come anymore then at least i could find somebody else to come with me. Link to comment
rainydrive Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 He's treating you like crap. What you should do is stop emailing, stop calling him, stop sending him text messages, and definitely don't go over. consider him not your boyfriend any more...*don't* say it like, "i'm not his girlfriend", say it like "He's not my boyfriend". Then do whatever you have to to get over him. Hang out with your friends, go run or work out or walk or anything active, go shopping....whatever. It will be REALLY hard at first but don't do it. Then when/if he calls, texts, emails you again (might be a few days or so) don't answer. Simple as that. Don't answer. MAKE him treat you right and MAKE him show you he loves you at this point. Because right now after the way he treated you, it's all about YOU. Link to comment
demolition_lover88 Posted November 28, 2007 Author Share Posted November 28, 2007 Ok thanks for that advice rainydrive! I've had lots of different opinions on my recent posts about this issue. some people seem to think i'm in the wrong. i really do love the guy. and i'd do anything to make it work, but i wont be able to forget this for a while. he still hasnt rang me back since i spoke to him earlier. i guess he's in bed now. not really sure where to go from here. we are supposed to be going to a concert in london at the weekend and we have a hotel booked. not really sure whats going on with that. thats why i need to speak to him so bad Link to comment
karvala Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I read the other thread, and a few of the older posts as well, and personally I feel inclined to take the minority position that actually it's your bf that should take most of the blame here, for two reasons. Firstly, I don't agree with the majority that his behaviour regarding Christmas Eve was whiter than white. To be clear, he told you he was going with his cousin, and you then later found out from someone else that actually his cousin was going with his gf (=1 couple), your bf was going, and one other girl was going (which inevitably has the dynamic of another couple, even if neither party has any ill intent). If my gf was going out with just one other guy and a couple, I'd certainly expect to be told about it, and there would be some serious explaining to do if it was deliberately omitted. Your bf, by contrast, far from being sensitive to his deception and your feelings in the situation, actually got angry with you, which is disappointing to say the least. The second thing is that he is making the situation ten times worse by escalating a minor argument into a major dispute by ignoring you for days, and seems to have a history of behaving in this way in your previous arguments as well. Put them together, and I'd say the finger of blame is pointing squarely at him. Where do you go from here? Well this is actually where I agree with the majority I'm afraid; you ignore him, for as long as it takes. Yes, I know it'll drive you mad to do it, but believe me, your relationship will only be worth continuing if you do. Link to comment
demolition_lover88 Posted November 28, 2007 Author Share Posted November 28, 2007 thanks karvala i really appreciate you understanding me, especially the Xmas Eve episode. I couldnt figure out how to work it and people were getting the wrong impression, but i agree with everything you said about that and its exactly how im feeling. now...i'm doing no contact. its really difficult, because i love the guy to bits and i just want him to ring me and tell me everything is gonna be better soon. im hoping everything will be sorted by the weekend. Link to comment
Zackinlaw Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Yeah, don't call him, DL ... if he comes to you, he comes to you. Any more attempts by you to contact him will just make things worse. Zack. Link to comment
demolition_lover88 Posted November 28, 2007 Author Share Posted November 28, 2007 thank you zack =] i really appreciate everyones advice on here. i'm currently doing n.c until the weekend! Link to comment
findingmeandyou Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 thank you zack =] i really appreciate everyones advice on here. i'm currently doing n.c until the weekend! You poor thing. I really don't like what this guy is doing to you. Really, it's behavior that's emotionally abusive to you. Realize this: Would someone who truly cared about your feelings ignore you like that? It's obviously tearing you apart. That's why you are writing to us about it. Yet, you are also saying that you are worried that he thinks that you don't care?? Sweetie, you've made so much effort to try and get in touch with this guy. You call, you text, you hopped in a taxi and he told you to go home! What is this telling you about him and how he feels about you? Is all of this really necessary when all you wanted to know was what's up with that other girl? HE should be concerned about your feelings and making sure you understand that nothing is going on. You guys should be hanging out and having fun, not going through all of this mess. He's a selfish and an idiot, in my opinion. You're obviously a sweetheart and he doesn't know what he's missing out on. Link to comment
demolition_lover88 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 thank you x Link to comment
missklew Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 He is in the wrong here. You wanted to spend xmas with him and he said no and of course you are upset and offended. anyone would be! He twists this around and gets angry at you and so here you are jumping though hoops to get him to talk to you. You said you would do anything for him and he knows this and is using that to bully and manipulate you. Obviously he isn't willing to do everything for you. With you going over there and the taxi situation I would have just shown up anyway. It sounds a bit suspicious. Do you think he might be seeing another girl on the side? As hard as it is to do, stop contacting him in any way. No calls, texts, no anything. If he starts contacting you, don't jump to reply. Wait a week or so before replying. Link to comment
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