I wonder if its made me cold hearted...

[Boughs]

Gist... I have been on enotalone since I was a junior in high school (5 years ago). I've been through 2 long relationships... and well a slew of small ones. Everytime I've ever broken up with anyone I always initiate NC... almost immediately. Over the course of 5 years, I've begun to think if its turned me into someone who can't handle difficult matters/difficult situations in relationships. I mean I just cut them out of my life... so I can move on. But now that I'm moved on I don't want to contact them and give THEM hope.

 

For instance this girl I was seeing sent me the nicest message I've ever received in my life. Basically told me everything she was thinking and feeling and how we couldn't work. She wants to still be able to talk to me... I responded with a "I don't know just yet." Now as time has gone on a bit, I've thought a lot and all I can think of is if I talk to her it'll hurt me, if I stop it'll hurt her. Can I muster up the strength and be kind to continue talking? I know I'll develop false hope and hurt me... but can I sustain just a bit of the pain to be courteous?

 

I guess what I'm saying is, when does NC end? Does NC keep us from really being able to deal with difficult situations? I've not spoken to one of my exes in 3 years. I don't have any feelings for her... but I don't want to give her any weird thoughts by being like "whatup".

[Jayar]

I'd say if you're not sure about talking to her, then you shouldn't. It doesn't matter how long you've been in NC, it may NEVER end. In general I have no trouble attempting to maintain a friendship with an ex... But I can think of cases where it has been/would be impossible. Either because he was a jerk, or because I will always love him more than anyone else I will ever know. Neither situation is conducive to friendship.

[Boughs]

but does NC keep us from really being able to deal with difficult situations?

[Jayar]

but does NC keep us from really being able to deal with difficult situations?

 

Some situations aren't necessary/worth dealing with, IMO. People that cause you pain are an example.

[Ampire]

Some situations aren't necessary/worth dealing with, IMO. People that cause you pain are an example.

 

I agree - if they are causing you pain then it is not running away from your problem because it's nothing you have control over.

 

In a relationship or a friendship if there is someone who causes you pain for some reason then you can grab it by the horns and do something about it.

 

but if you got dumped then that is not the option - it takes two and if they simply dont want to be with you then there is nothing you can do.