Why are women on line so rude ?

[Fritz The Cat]

No man understands women. Those that say they do are liars with evil intentions.

[Batya33]

Thank You! At least some of u men understands US WOMEN.

 

I'd prefer not to be respected based on some broad generalization about "women" and how "respectful they are." That doesn't make me feel "understood" in the least or part of some "us women." I thought the point of this thread was that the OP believes it is rude for a woman not to respond at all to an e-mail she receives from a man through an on line dating site.

[icarus27]

They surely aren't obligated to look at the profile or respond with a personal email, but I feel that because most of them are actively subscribing to a site to meet people, that they ARE obligated to use the not interested feature when asked to politely. I always use that feature when not interested. Rudeness is the only answer I can come up with, but I have a hard time believing the subscriber base is -that- rude.

 

Something that has *big* resonance for me, servedcold.

The only answer I can come up with is that the online scene encourages women to behave like they are stockbrokers buying a commodity on the market. Essentially, dates or males become a commodity like an airline flight you might buy on the Web ... the fact that this is a human interaction is completely lost on many women. Hence the sense of entitlement, the ability to be stunningly rude, without much thought.

 

The situation for us polite men is not aided by the greaseballs who inhabit link removed and other sites and just use them to proposition women.. What then happens is that the women tar all men with the same brush.

 

And this is the third or fourth time I've brought up the simple "not interested" feature in the thread, and this point has been largely skirted around here. Why? It's a simple feature, the service ASKS members to use it, why do so many ignore it? I'd love to reach another conclusion than rudeness, but can't think what it might be...

 

This may be a cynical conclusion, but I think women ignore the feature because they have the power to do so. Never underestimate the number of women who are on link removed just for an ego boost (hell, I've even read women ENA-ers recommend to dumpees that they 'play' dating sites to get their confidence back).

 

Could explain why some of them are on match to begin with as they have deficiencies in interpersonal skills.

I am tempted to think the same.

[HappyAsALark]

its all about numbers.

 

They don't have time to send "i don't think this is for me" messages.

 

As a guy i've done the same to the ladies.

 

Exactly...and not just that, it's not real yet. When you haven't met someone then they could really care less about you. Simple as that. They don't feel the need to tell you they are going to stop responding, they just do it.

[JadedStar]

hell, I've even read women ENA-ers recommend to dumpees that they 'play' dating sites to get their confidence back).

 

There are no more women who do this here then men who create posts and threads about how to be a "pick up artist">

 

I think it a bad thing when you label an entire gender as being a specific way.

 

And the definition of rude here obviously varies. There is nothing out there that says if you get fifty emails from random guys from your dating profile that you have to respond to each one. I didn't get responses from men each time either - i didn't find it rude, i took it to mean they already made a match or my profile was not what they were looking for. I give it three or four days, no response they go into the trash folder.

 

If you have been actively conversing with them, then sure if you disappear it is nice to tell them what happened.

[princess_summer_blue84]

Well why is it that U MEN are VERY rude online then? Answer that will you please!?

[galaxy71]

I want to repeat what someone else said. The women in this thread who are defending the boorish behavior of women online are using straw man arguments. There is a big difference between blowing off some random guy who sent only one letter to her versus blowing off a guy after you exchanged several emails with him. If you look at the original post, you will find that he was talking about how he found it rude when a woman disappears after she had a conversation with him through several emails.

 

Do you know why some guys are pissed at the behavior of women when it comes to dating? It is this. Women have more power than men when it comes to dating. This difference in power is magnified even more when you are talking about online dating. They can sit back from the safety of their homes and reject guys with a click of a button. Women are the ones who are having a lot of guys approaching them. They are the ones that are showered with emails and compliments. Some women get bombarded with dozens or hundreds of emails while most guys get nothing. Nada. Zip. They have the power to reject guys. Guys bear the brunt of rejection.

 

How do some women handle this power? They handle it by blowing off guys. Not only do they blow off guys, but they make the pain of rejection worse by teasing these guys with several emails before they blow him off. Some women go even further by not showing up for the date. Other women abuse their power by using the date as a free meal even though they have no interest in the guy whatsover(these women are called "professional daters").

 

Some of the justifications for this boorish behavior is weak. It is much easier to reject a random guy with a generic "I'm not interested" email than rejecting some big,drunk guy at a bar. What more do some of you women want? Another reason, why some guys are pissed at online dating is the fact that some of us felt lied to. We were told that online dating would make things easier for professional men and women who don't have a lot of leisure time. We were told that if we are confident, and being ourselves, we should meet plenty of women who you want to date us for who we already are. In reality, the only thing that online dating makes easy is the fact that it makes it easier for a women to screen and reject a guy from the safety of her home. You better be 6 foot tall and make $50,000 or more. A lot of women online are hooking up with those tall, rich guys while all the other guys are left with nothing.

 

You removed all the fun and flirtation of the courtship process when you treat dating like buying a pair of shoes. I am going to be blunt. Online dating sucks. I prefer to meet women in real life so I could make them smile and laugh. Let them eat cake. That's how I interpret a lot of the posts from some of the women in this thread.

[Luke Skywalker]

That's right, I know a college at work (I'm not her friend) and overheard her say that the only reason she's going out with a particular guy is because he has lots of money or something, even though he's playing games with her, etc.... Like I had said before, the types of guys that have it easy are the strong bodies atheletic guys with the good pics, or that are making lots of money as you said. Then these same shallow idiotic girls complain that there is nothing but players, weirdos, and people who want to use them for sex, like whatever.

[JadedStar]

We all make a conscious decision to choose which emotions take hold of our brains. If we choose bitterness and anger, we will attract events in our life that are probably not so positive.

 

I think most if not all women here said that when they don't respond it is to that intital email, and i think i heard many say once it has gotten to the point of some regular exchanges they felt it courteous to give a goodbye or reason.

 

Maybe your bitterness prevented you from fully seeing those responses.

 

Life is what we make it.

 

Sometimes i wonder - it seems some men here always attract the money hungry ones or the ones who are so shallow they won't be seen with a guy who isn't a ten - maybe we have to ask ourselves are we attracting what we give out? Maybe one is emitting an aura to attract this type of person? Because it is evident that not all men are encountering the shallow money hungry female. And it is also obvious that not all women are like this ... so....

[Fritz The Cat]

Well said galaxy71.

 

Bitterness seems to be the rule these days rather than the exception. Honesty and sincerity bring disappointment and bitterness because these traits label a man a loser in the eyes of modern women. contrary to what they claim, these are not the traits they want in a man.

[JadedStar]

Well said galaxy71.

 

Bitterness seems to be the rule these days rather than the exception. Honesty and sincerity bring disappointment and bitterness because these traits label a man a loser in the eyes of modern women. contrary to what they claim, these are not the traits they want in a man.

 

You aren't getting it yet.

 

These are not the traits a woman wants in a man. But she also doesn't want a man who broods for days over not getting a return email over an initial profile check.

[galaxy71]

Jadedstar, have you considered why a lot of guys are so negative about dating? A lot of women tell guys to just "be yourself" and be confident. Than while these guys get rejected by women, they see women flock to the goodlooking, and charismatic guys.

 

When some of these guys try to improve themselves, they are put down again as being phony and manipulative. I have seen you do this when you look down at guys for trying to improve themselves by practicing lines on girls. Do you know why I defend guys who are accused of having a "bad attitude"? I want to let them know that it's not their fault. They are not getting rejected because they are bitter or because they are pursuing women outside of their league. Instead, they are getting rejected because they don't know how the game of dating works. In this game, women have more power than men because men approach them. Women are attracted to guys who are physically attractive or guys who have attractive personalities. The good news is that guys can improve themselves so that women find them attractive. Once you know how the game works, guys can focus on improving themselves instead of doing the same thing over and over agin even if it doesn't work.

 

If you consider that sympotmatic of a bad attitude, I am guilty as charged. In this forum, if you complain about dating and women, you are labeled as a misogynist, bitter, or having a "bad attitude". It doesn't matter whether your arguments are true, and logical. It's irrelevant whether other people share your views or not. It doesn't matter that I have told other guys that looks aren't as important as personality and social skills. I also have told guys to improve themselves instead of blaming their looks. On a side note, on another website, older guys talk about how women have more power than men when it comes to dating. Yet these same guys give positive advice about how you can become attractive through self-improvement. I consider those guys to be realists who want to help those guys out rather than angry, bitter guys. On other hand, guys who blame their looks and don't want to improve themselves are the real ones who have bad attitude problems.

[icarus27]

Galaxy, well said.

 

Sometimes i wonder - it seems some men here always attract the money hungry ones or the ones who are so shallow they won't be seen with a guy who isn't a ten - maybe we have to ask ourselves are we attracting what we give out? Maybe one is emitting an aura to attract this type of person? Because it is evident that not all men are encountering the shallow money hungry female. And it is also obvious that not all women are like this ... so....

 

Jaded, I don't see why you're changing the goalposts. You've turned it round so that men are ultimately to blame for the behaviour of shallow women. Would it not be simpler to say that shallow women are to blame for their own behaviour?

 

And your mention of 'aura' made me laugh out loud. How the heck does one emit an aura in an online dating context when the first communication is by a few short emails?

[Luke Skywalker]

Galaxy71,

 

PREACH IT BROTHER !!!

[JadedStar]

Galaxy, well said.

 

 

 

Jaded, I don't see why you're changing the goalposts. You've turned it round so that men are ultimately to blame for the behaviour of shallow women. Would it not be simpler to say that shallow women are to blame for their own behaviour?

 

And your mention of 'aura' made me laugh out loud. How the heck does one emit an aura in an online dating context when the first communication is by a few short emails?

 

 

Glad you got a laugh out of it but i wasn't being funny.

 

I don't mean an aura in the context you are thinking. I mean you are putting off a vibe that people pick up. There are many subtle things you might say that you think have no bearing but in reality they do.

 

I am not changing any goalposts. Men are not to blame for the behavior of shallow women. They are to blame for their OWN behavior. If they migrate to shallow women because maybe they like some of the attributes a shallow women possesses well then the onus is on them to change what they migrate too.

[JadedStar]

It is obviously too difficult to explain it all to you online. I have tried and tried to explain to many of the guys who are complaining about striking out with women but most of the time the point is misconstrued or just not taken.

 

I have tried to explain it all i can. I don't know how else to put it.

 

at the end of the day tho a girl is either into you or she isn't. Can't put it more simple than that.

[Fritz The Cat]

No response to a first email doesn't bother me. I do that all the time myself. It's when there is a conversation going and she abruptly disappears for no apparent reason. This is nothing gut rude and totally unnecessary. Why begin an exchange at all if it leads to this?

[Batya33]

There could be several reasons - there might be similar exchanges going on with several others or it could be like when you're out at a party, you have a conversation with someone, there is a natural stopping point and the woman excuses herself to go mingle or use the restroom. There's no obligation to continue the conversation. I also would be a bit wary of someone who exchanged more than 4 or 5 emails - to me, a person serious about meeting through a dating site would have emailed a phone number or asked for one within the first two emails and the next contact would be by phone or a quick email to decide when it was convenient to speak.

 

Out of the 100 or so people I met in person through on line there were very few I exchanged more than two emails with before speaking by phone and then deciding whether to meet in person - usually by the end of the first convo but sometimes we spoke once more.

[icarus27]

I for one find galaxy's opinion completely reasonable.

 

Galaxy, I think you hit the nail on the head when you wrote earlier of power and abuse thereof, by women. Guys can try the path of self-improvement - and many should - but saying out loud that there is a deep imbalance of power in women's favour obviously doesn't get any brownie points with, guess who, the women on this thread.

 

 

 

Since I assume we are still talking about online scenarioes, I still can't agree with you.

"If they migrate to shallow women ....."

How does a man know whether a woman online is shallow or not from a profile that shows up her best side? My point is, there is simply not enough information for that. So no, he is not migrating towards shallow women, he is giving someone a chance, then has the unfortunate realisation that she is shallow after all.

 

"I don't mean an aura in the context you are thinking. I mean you are putting off a vibe that people pick up. There are many subtle things you might say that you think have no bearing but in reality they do."

 

Again, in an online context, how is there enough information to make that judgement? There isn't. The OP was speaking of the first email, or first few. If women make decisions on "auras" and "vibes" (which of course they do), because the person wrote in their email tom-A-to instead of tom-ay-to, it is a spurious basis.

 

Nothing is going to change by me pointing that out. For women, they are at perfect liberty to discard men on spurious reasons because in the online scene there are plenty more where that fodder came from. If she doesn't mind me pointing it out, Batya above is experienced at online dating precisely for this reason (the 100+ dates she's been on). So if I was a woman, I wouldn't worry too much about it either.

 

Listen to yourself. Aura. Vibe. Yes, these things become apparent in-person, but you're pulling my leg if you tell me anyone can infer all this from a couple of initial emails with someone.

[Batya33]

I tried very hard not to have the candy store attitude of "there's always someone else" - and that attitude usually only presented itself in the first few days of being back on line - the typical time to be deluged with emails. That is why I moved things to the phone quickly - that escalated the seriousness on both our parts as far as meeting in person. But, yes I was much more selective on line than when I was set up by friends who knew me and the guy - mostly because of safety and because since I had nothing to go on -no "references" I erred on the side of not meeting rather than meeting.

 

So, for example ,the man who dwelled on the pictures I put up with my profile while on the phone with me (why ask all about my photos if I'm right there, "live?"), the one who preferred to read and quote from my profile rather than have an actual conversation with me on the phone, the several men who thought it was ok to chat with me for the first time while shopping or at a drive thru with continuous interruptions, the guy who in the first two minutes told me what a witch his sister in law was and other bitter tidbits of his brother's nasty divorce, etc.

 

And I also "nexted" the pulling teeth situations (I expected the man to meet me halfway during the conversation and certainly I didn't want to pull teeth or "interview" him), the men who were so painfully shy they could not do more than mumble in a whisper (probably perfectly nice guys but not for me), the men who sounded half asleep even though they insisted it was a good time to talk. So, yes, I "nexted" people pretty quickly if I could not imagine having enough to discuss during a 45 minute coffee date or who were rude in any way because in that scenario, first impressions count a lot.

[Brightest Dark]

Haven't read the whole thread, but if a guy messages me, if he says something worth replying to, or if he says something like 'wow, you are stunning' then sometimes I'll reply, and say thanks, or whatever. I do that just to be polite. I'm usually not interested in the guy. So after 2 or 3 (usually just 1 or 2, actually) replies I will stop replying - because I've got better things to do than reply to everyone who writes to me. I'm busy (despite how much I've started posting on here!) so I have better things to do than constantly replying to people I'm not interested in on certain websites.

[JadedStar]

If you read the whole thread you will see this thread toook several twists and turns. At one point someone was talking about his experiences with women OFFLINE. I added what i did to address that maybe men attract certain type of women in the dating world because of what they are putting out there and the TYPE of women they approach. Too many want to cry victim vs asking themselves if maybe they are causing some of their own issues.

[JadedStar]

When i wrote that post thtat talks about the vibe people put off, that was not in regards to online dating. SOmeone was complaining about meeting women who were shallow, so i wrote:

 

Sometimes i wonder - it seems some men here always attract the money hungry ones or the ones who are so shallow they won't be seen with a guy who isn't a ten - maybe we have to ask ourselves are we attracting what we give out? Maybe one is emitting an aura to attract this type of person? Because it is evident that not all men are encountering the shallow money hungry female. And it is also obvious that not all women are like this ... so....

 

This thread has taken many twists and turns. I am not going to go back again and look these up, but did for this one to refresh my memory. IF you read what i wrote above that is not talking about online dating. Someone was making some silly remark about all of the women they attract in dating in general being shallow. If that is the case perhaps one needs to look at what they are putting out there if they keep attracting the same types.

 

This however DOES apply to online dating if the photos of the women a man chooses everytime are the plastic made up looking type of girl. NOt all of them are shallow, but this type of woman is going to be shallow at a higher rate than the more natural looking counterparts.

 

Think about the type of profiles and pics you respond to. You absolutely can infer some things from pics and what they write in their profile. IF the girl is slammin hot and all she writes about in her profile is her love of shopping and doing her nails, and a guy responds to that profile, then of course the odds he is gettting a superficial date is pretty high.

 

I have met men who complain about the prima donna's who shoot them down and then i see the type of women they approach and ... well i laugh a little. LOL IF you approach the same type of woman everytime the odds that you will get the same treatment everytime are pretty large. SOme men do the same with online dating - the profiles and pics are pretty obvious not from women of a lot of substnace and a lot of guys choose those types of profiles to reply to everytime. Now you still think this does not apply to online? I can read most profiles and get a general idea of what someone's likes are..