Big problem

[blackpanther]

Hi,

 

I've just had a fight with my boyfriend. We've been together 2 years and 3 months today actually.

 

The reason we started fighting was because on Friday night he went out with his friends(the majority of them are girls) and then for my birthday tonight he tried to get out of it every way he could until he said: "Oh, I hope I can still go, I have SO much school work to do tomorrow". And at that point I realized that he was trying to weasel he way out of going so I said: "Just don't go then".

 

Now the reason why it's such a problem is because of a little history.

He goes to University (as well as I) but he is very busy and has to study very often. Secondly, he tells me he hates going out and by going out. I always thought that meant he hates going to bars and clubs and parties which I can understand.

 

So for the past 3 months all we have been doing is having supper at his house and watching TV for the rest of the night. I go out with my own friends because I do like going out on the occasion.

 

I've tried planning a few things like seeing the chinese lantern festival together or having a birthday supper. But he ended up not having time in 2 months to go to the festival and he fell sick around my birthday and couldn't do anything.

 

I still tried to be understanding. My friend and I decided have a party today because on our actual birthdays, everyone had midterms.

 

So like I said, he went out to a kegger party on Friday night with his friends from school. And then he told me he won't go to my birthday party and his excuse was because he has a lot of work to do and he later admitted it's because he just didn't want to go.

 

Recently I have gotten really tired of just staying at his house watching TV. It doesn't feel special at all. We have not even eaten out somewhere since early september. I thought this was all because he had a lot of work to do but then he went out with his friends.

 

So I confronted him and he told me he doesn't like doing ANYTHING besides staying at home and occasionally going out for supper.

So I asked why he went out with his friends (who are about 80% girls) and he said it was because he wants to be their friend and the only way to see them outside of school is to go out with them.

 

He thinks I don't trust him with them when that's not it at all. I trust him to be around girls. But I find it insulting that he will go out with other girls but he won't even go out with me, his girlfriend. I feel like I'm not special AT ALL.

 

I asked him to go out with me once a month and he said:

That he will not and that he will go out on a very rare occasion with me but he will not like it.

He will still go out with his friends on occasion but he won't like it(so I wonder why?).

 

I am so hurt by this because I honestly thought he didn't mind going out for supper/ or going to a cultural event or whatever but just didn't have the time to. I thought he just didn't want to go to bars and clubs.

 

Now I am so hurt because I have felt so lonely always going everywhere without him and now I find out he wouldn't go even if he could.

 

I don't understand why I am not special enough to take out when he will go out with other people.

 

I like doing things and I want to share those things with the man I love and he's basically telling me he will never be that man.

 

It's been more than 2 years and this is what I get? The truth only comes out now? I'm mostly a homebody too but I need to do something special every now and again.

 

This really sucks. Am I expecting too much?

 

Please, any advice will be appreciated.

[jmantra]

To be perfectly frank with you it seems you guys want different two different things out of a relationship, he wants somebody he can just chill with, you want someone who likes to go out a lot, maybe it's time for you to re-evaluate your relationship.. it seems you two don't value the same things which is not good if you want a long lasting healthy relationship with this person

[blackpanther]

oh well, I guess you're right.

[Aleadragonhawk]

I don't know if this is about having the same desires for the amount that you go out so much as him making you a priority in his life. I really understand why you feel slighted - he can go out when it's a party with a bunch of girls from school, but when it's something that you've been planning for months he makes excuses and then just flat out says that he doesn't want to go.

 

I think that there's not liking going out, and there's not showing respect to your partner. It's important when you're celebrating a special event to have the people that you care about and who care about you there. I really get the feeling from all of this that your boyfriend just doesn't really care enough to make the effort needed to maintain your relationship.

[ghost69]

you hit 21. you are ready for party mode. lots of people have this feeling. he doesn't want that.