Suddeny being ignored

[marloborolights]

Well I posted a couple of topics a few months back about this guy that I'd fallen for and back then it was really confusing for me and he was sending out a lot of mixed signals, so it wasn't going to well I guess. Anyway a little bit of background:

 

I've had feelings for my (now ex) best mate for a good few months now and even though I don't know to this day whether he's gay or not I think the reason why I fell for him in the first place is because I was foolish enough to believe that he was in the same situation as me; and by that I mean gay, but not out. Over the months we became closer and closer as friends but still to no avail. I was getting some seriously mixed messages. Everything from blatant flirting to him ignoring me, and even him talking about how he dislikes gays, although some are alright. There's so many different things that I could mention but it doesn't really matter.

 

Anyway about 3 months ago I finished college but he stayed on as he's a year younger than me. The last time we met was probably around 2 months ago, and it was only brief. But when I was about to leave I strongly got the feeling that he didn't want me to, and in the end he said something along the lines of "Give me a call if you get bored or whatever and we'll do something..."

 

So I thought that sounded fairly promising, even if it was just as mates, so about a week later I had a free house and a free evening so I decided to send him a text asking if he fancied doing something. He text back saying that he was busy with rugby training and that was that.

 

I figured that the ball was now in his park, am I wrong? I'd done my bit and he wasn't available so surely next time it would be his turn to ask me? Well he never asked me and from then on I pretty much didn't hear from him at all.

 

I bumped into him in town a few weeks after this happened and it was pretty awkward. I haven't seen him since. I actually sent him a text about a week ago 'cos I was stuffed for a lift home from work so I decided that seeing as though he owes me for various things I hoped he'd do it for me, but he didn't reply.

 

I was really pissed off cos' I've done him so many favours and he didn't even have the deceny to reply, let alone pick me up. Anyway my main problem is basically that even though I keep telling myself I should TAKE A HINT and leave the whole thing be, I still can't get him out of my head.

 

Personally I think it's really sad that so much time has passed and I'm still stuck here like a broken record. I even keep replaying stuff over in my head from like the time we spent together and stuff and basically just trying to figure him out. Oh and by the way, I am at least 90% sure that he is gay and I was sure he had some feelings for me. I honestly think that he just has problems with dealing with it for whatever reasons.

 

I mean...why suddenly start ignoring me? Is/was he trying to forget about me? Or is it all in my head...

 

 

sorry some of that probably doesn't make much sense, 'cos to be honest i'm not sure what i'm trying to say myself. so if you've got any questions then i'll answer them.

 

Any advice is welcome really.

[Zackinlaw]

It seems like he's either straight, or is unwilling to acknowledge/accept his own homosexuality. Either way, you are left in the same place. His comments on gays just shows what a huge change it would be for him to enter into a relationship with you, even if that is his preference.

 

All of his actions indicate that he has become uncomfortable around you.

 

Sorry.

 

Zack.

[Lucy_lou]

I always have the same response to posts like yours. and they're all over this damn forum. closet homos trying to figure each other out.

 

I know it's too late with this guy, but I really think the best way to find out if a guy likes you is to be out from sqare one, and see how he responds to you in that context.

 

It sounds like you're hiding your enthusiasm for him (and acting like an apathetic straight guy). doesn't sound fun.

 

the best case scenario I can think of for you would be if you move on, come out, start being more out and flirty and maybe even dating other boys, and next time you speak to him, (if you do), mention your latest gay adventures, then you'll be out to him, but he'll feel like you've moved on and if he wants you he'll have to chase you. And in this scenario, stay open to him as a friend, and let him come out in his own time.

[fredv3b]

I've had feelings for my (now ex) best mate for a good few months now and even though I don't know to this day whether he's gay or not I think the reason why I fell for him in the first place is because I was foolish enough to believe that he was in the same situation as me; and by that I mean gay, but not out.

 

Oh and by the way, I am at least 90% sure that he is gay and I was sure he had some feelings for me. I honestly think that he just has problems with dealing with it for whatever reasons.

 

I'm sorry but I'm confused. Either you were foolish to believe he was gay or your 90% sure that he is. Or am I missing something?

 

I've re-read your posts and to be honest you haven't convinced me that he is gay (or even probably gay). But on the other hand, you know him, I don't.

 

Also there was a substantial period of my life where I had real problems dealing with the fact that I was gay. So deep was my denial that I couldn't possibly accept any help dealing with them as that would have meant admitting to someone that I was (possibly) gay. It was something that I had to solve for myself. Even if he is gay it may be that there is nothing you can do to help him come to terms with it.