Confused about Religious aspect of relationship

[Keisha]

Hi everyone, I am hoping that I can get some insight from someone on my situation. I 'm 23 and have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I love him very much and we have established something very worth while. However over the past month he has decided to convert very seriously to Christianity. I grew up going to Catholic schools and going to a Catholic church through my school years. However I didn't grow up in a houshold that practised any religion at all. Meaning my parents never took me to church and I learned everything I know at school. As I got older I have not been going to church and my faith at times has been questionable. I believe in God and I pray..but I am not as consumed in it as my boyfriend now is. He grew up going to church and living in a fairly religious household. Which I was fine with, he actually brought a bit of faith into my life. He has changed tremendously since meeting and spending time with old friends of his who have converted to Christianity. He hasn't changed for the worse, but he preaches alot and makes me feel like I need to be "saved" as well. I don't want to feel the pressure to convert like him or join his group of friends,(all of his friends girlfriends have). We have had some very serious argument lately, and I have decided to take a break until I decide if I want to stay in this. He tells me that even if I never change my mind and become as into this as him he will love me regardless. Can this really work? Or will he feel he needs to be with someone more like him? I'm not ready to explore what he is so interested in..It kind of make my uncomfortable. Will I ever be ready..I don't want to stay and then realize I can't do it.

Does anyone think this is possible?

Can we make this work even though we are so differnt right now?

I am willing to try and understand, but not until I get comfortable with this whole change he is going through..its like being in a new relationship.

 

I would really appreciate some feed back..

 

Thank you.

[ShadeOfGreen]

At first I wasn't going to respond to this topic but as I read it i realized I was once in your situation. I was in a relationship once where the girl made the decision to be 'saved' (please don't take offense to the saved in quotes)

 

So anyway my girl decided one day that this was what she needed. I being her boyfriend was pretty into the teachings of buddhism (still am though I don't think of it as a religious thing at all.) and she was into christianity. So I took the position of thats cool do what you wanna do its your life, so I supported her and did whatever I could. All was well until she started trying to get me into it all which I was pretty clear on the fact that it held no interest to me. I ws a good catholic until about 16 and I was done with it. But no matter what unless I was 'saved' (I do not see it as being saved at all) I was just not up to par. I loved her no doubt about it, but I did not love her god.

 

We forced a relationship for a little while, but eventually I had had enough. She had fallen in with a crowd which held the same ideals through christ and I couldn't take all those people treating me the way they did. When somebody is really into a religion it consumes them (or so I find).

 

Mandylee4christ said something that sums it up in my mind

so every single decision is made by God, not yourself

. I found this as a strong factor and that is simply not how I choose to live. It sounds like your boyfriend is on this path so unless you are ready to join in it with him then that is your decision. But more than all things you must remember that you are you and that is all you can be. Religion in a relationship can be great, if both people are on the same page. If not I find it can be difficult to work out.

 

I am a little curious to see where you decide to go so PM me if you want more advice form one who has seen this situation before.

[Genesis]

You do not know how good you got it Honey,

 

I think you should do what your heart tells you to do. I am saved also and I know that a person who is not saved can have a negative effect on a saved persons live. The bible tells Christians to not be "yoked" with those who are not saved. The Bible says what do good and evil have in common with one another? Your wild ways or lack of spirtuality are just holding him back, and he needs someone like him. Your boyfriend sounds like a good catch to me! I have plenty of girlfriends who would be interested in a guy like this! If you want to give me his e-mail address, I can hook him up with plenty of saved holly christian women! Girl, you do not know how good you got it. Most men out there these days want to run the streets at bars, play games, lie and cheat. Why trade that for prime choice "husband material". If you no longer love him then I can understand why you are letting him go. I say give going to church with him a try for at least two months. If I were you , I would hold on to him!

 

Do not worry about him, there will be plenty of women willing to take your place! Finding a good christian man is a gem that should be treasured! I was told that a man who loves God is a man to keep. A man of God will most likely be a faithful man to his wife and children. He will be a more focused man, who will not run off and cheat with the first girl who tries to flatter him. Some men can be so weak and fall into temptation, a man of God will most likely not be tricked by the wiles of other women so easily. I think you have a great catch. He will want to work hard to provide for his family, and the family will be stronger in general. A family that prays together stays together, and has less problems or an outlet to express troubles.

 

I would love to chat with him- feel free to give me his e-mail address if it is over between you two!

[Genesis]

Excusing my blunt humor, I feel as if:

 

Well it does not sound like she appreciates him, so if it is not me asking about him it will be somebody else! Sorry but that is life! If she can not see what she has someone else will. I do not want your boyfriend sweetheart I was just kidding ( I am sorry for hurting your feelings), but I do know of many woman who are extremely attracted to men of this type, and would be happy to see your relationship end so they can have a shot at him. Sorry but I know! When my pastors wife died there were so many women who wanted to date him! I have been in long term relationships also and sometimes you have to work to keep them going. I know that many women only WISH this were the problem they were having with their man! So If I were you I would give your relationship another shot.

[jamin]

From a Catholic perspective:

 

Yes you can make it. Read 1 Corinthians chapter seven.

 

You have said that your boyfriend has patience for you, as he should. You may want to talk to a Priest about Catholicism and salvation. Roman Catholics believe that your baptism, and adult reaffirmation of those baptismal vows, saves you.

 

I admit that the other posters make a point - it is easier if the man and woman share the same beliefs - but you can also be made holy through each other.

 

Edit:

 

Once re-reading, I noticed that you may not be Catholic, just attended the schools. Either way, I believe you can work this out.

[Keisha]

Genisis.

 

I did not post my situation so you could try an advertise you and your desperate friends. I have alot of history with my boyfrind and I have a lot of love for him, i just wanted to make sure I was making the right decision for him, i don't want to take this situation lighty..I want to make sure that if I decide to stay in this, that it for good..I recognize how amazing he is and lucky I am, even befor he converted.

 

So keep your useless comments to your self!

 

Thanks for the advice Mandy!! Something to think about.

[Keisha]

Ok Genisis...that was better...lol

 

Thanks everyone..I feel alot better

[Genesis]

Sorry, If you did not realize how good of a guy he was you then would not have to ask for advice!

[Keisha]

Well I have been thinking about my situation with my boyfriend for a while before I decided to come on here for advice. After speaking about this with him seriously..I have to decided to make it work to the best of my ability. I really love him and I am accepting everything that comes along with him. Its going to take some patience on both of our parts..but we are both serious about this, and I am willing to be very open minded..who knows what I may learn or gain from this!

 

Thanks everyone!! i feel a million times better after really talking about this with him and from all of the support and advice from friends, family, and you guys!!