Why am I letting this keep going?

[Boughs]

Kind of in a strange situation. Here is the gist...

 

Met this girl in my class, we hung out. Initially I wasn't very fond of her. In fact I thought she was rather cold. Time passes and I realize "wow a nice girl". Then next thing I notice is that she likes me. So I flirted with her and we kissed a couple times.

 

I asked to date her and she denied. I told her that I felt led on she felt very upset she did that. I told her that we ought to be careful and be friends. She agreed.

 

2 months later she calls me up and she is drunk and I'm drunk. We end up hooking up again... but then I bring it up again in the morning that I like her a lot, she then let me know whatsup. She is still in love with her ex. They dated for 3 years and he was her first. They've been broken up for a little over a year. Anyway, so I said "I know in my mind I should leave, but my intuition and lust is making me stay". She didn't care, I'm sure she just enjoyed hooking up with someone. So I stayed over the next night. We had an amazing time even with this elephant in the room.

 

So she went away for this weekend (I took her to the airport). We haven't talked since I dropped her off (kind of both of us just not contacting). I've grown to really like this girl so much. She is very intriguing (perhaps cuz she is leading me on a bit). Well I don't know she seems to still have her heart set on her ex, but she does a lot of what a girlfriend normally does with her body language and the way she talks.

 

Finally I asked her one more time before she left if she'd date me and she didn't say no and she didn't say yes, she kind of said "we'll see".

 

If I say "I won't be left to wait around" she'll just say "bye" I'm sure. I can tell she likes me a lot for who I am, but perhaps her heart isn't ready. Do I run like I normally do? Or should I fight this one out?

 

Either way I lose... I don't worry too much about the heartache... its really easy to deal with after so much

 

Really tho her body language and what she talks about seems to have no reference to her ex... I just don't get it. She is really passionate around me like she has a full heart... decieving actress? or truthful?

[jettison]

People love being with people that they know adore them. Adoration goes a long, long way. That's why these relationships tend to only last a short time. If they are based mostly on one person's adoration for the other then the adorer will eventually settle down a bit should it turn into a real relationship, and then the adored partner will wonder "where the hell is the component that I liked so much about this person? It's gone!" Also, the adored person will certainly start to take that adoration for granted, and this person will realize that they don't even have to do much to be adored. It will just be.

 

I have to say, she's been totally open and honest with you. It's a good sign. If I were you, I'd lay down these guidelines:

 

"I am not going to start a real relationship with you because you're not over your ex. We can see each other, but I want to be free to see other people as well."

 

If this is off-puting for her then too bad. She is already seeing another person in her heart, her ex. Make no apologies for your stance. Simply state it calmly and confidently. Lead and be strong. If you let her have all the power then it will surely end in disaster because she will take you for granted.

[Boughs]

That would have her leave forsure. I am already kind of "seeing" this other girl. We don't kiss or anything but we talk a lot and get along well. She is even more attractive but I won't make a move until this one is settled with.

 

I suppose the "we'll see" is just some waiting to be had. We'll see in the next few days!