She leading me on?

[Boughs]

This girl and I got along great. We connected on a lot of levels. We hooked up about 2 months ago. I was brash and asked for a date, and she got uneasy. Well two months pass of just being friendly. She's hammered and I'm hammered, I'm at her complex. She is like come over. I get there she steps outside and we start making out... all night. We get in bed (fully clothed) she begins to cry. I ask and she obviously doesn't want to tell me and apologizes for crying. Eventually she calms down and says she just initiated NC with her ex bf she dated for 3 years. They have been apart for 1 year but he's doing the "waiting till the end of college" thing... its tearing her up.

 

Anyway so I then was like "I assumed this as you wanted me to listen to a song that talks about old loves". She cried a bit more... but then she goes into "I like that you read me well, your a different guy" (and some more cheesey lines)... etc etc etc.

 

Well obviously I'm sure you see as I do a few red flags. I feel as though if this ex wasn't there we'd be dating. Its tough on her as he was her first and her first love (she wasn't too afraid of having sex with me, I was the one to actually stop... and she wanted to give me head and I said "not until I'm dating you and until you trust me"). Well we kissed again for a while in the morning and kind of kept the convo light because I didn't wanna upset her or anything. She definitely was looking at me pretty deeply. We stared at each other for a while.

 

Anywho there are the fires going on right now and she has family to worry about in SD so I'm just kind of hanging tight. I've asked two days in a row if her family is ok and if I can do anything... she responds with "everything is ok" but its all kind of blunt.

 

Should I just wait till the fires are done to talk to her? Should I even keep pursuing? She asked me to flirt with her more... but that kind of makes me think she wants to play me a bit... but it doesn't seem like its entirely in her personality.

 

Oy, thoughts?

[OOHMY]

Shes messing with your mind, shes unstable and she still isn't over the ex.

[Boldger]

She asked me to flirt with her more... but that kind of makes me think she wants to play me a bit

 

You should be able to answer your own question.

[May_It_Be]

Shes messing with your mind, shes unstable and she still isn't over the ex.

 

Agreed. I've done the same thing, in my less than illustrious past. Sometimes when you're hurting over a broken relationship, you run into the arms of anyone else willing to embrace you, just to make you feel better. It's usually called rebound, but sometimes it's just plain cruel, manipulating, and unfair!

[Dating Coach]

Shes messing with your mind, shes unstable and she still isn't over the ex.

 

Agreed. I wouldn't stand for it.

 

I'm sorry (no I'm not) but if a girl invited me to come over to her house, I show up and she immediately grabs me, makes out with me, and then pulls me into her room... only to then bust out into tears, I'd get up and leave. I'd tell her that if she doesn't have things right in her mind she doesn't need to be calling me over and messing with mine. I definitely would not sit down and play therapist after her calling me over and then jumping my bones. That isn't cool at all.

[ghost69]

wow. you must really like this girl if you turned down a bj and some sex. with no attachment i might add. too bad she isn't ready man.

[Boughs]

wow. you must really like this girl if you turned down a bj and some sex. with no attachment i might add. too bad she isn't ready man.

 

Sadly I do.

 

Well looks like I got my answer. Umm, so now what? just stop contacting her? do i do complete NC?

[Dating Coach]

Sadly I do.

 

Well looks like I got my answer. Umm, so now what? just stop contacting her? do i do complete NC?

 

No. What you do is tell her that you think she is a cool girl, but you're not interested in being "just friends", you'd like to take her out. But, you also don't date girls whom are not ready, and she's not ready for a relationship until she gets her head on straight.

 

So your attitude should be; You're cool, I like you, but you're not ready to see anyone right now and that's what I am looking for. When you're ready to date I'd be happy to take you out, but that time is clearly not now. You should give me a call when you're ready to go out and have a good time.

 

That's it. No "just friends" in the meantime because you don't want to be "just friends" and neither could you handle it. The moment you try this route you'll be falling harder and harder for a girl while at the same time further friendzoning yourself. It's a bad situation. Just back off for now and follow the above advice.

[ghost69]

Sadly I do.

 

Well looks like I got my answer. Umm, so now what? just stop contacting her? do i do complete NC?

 

this happened to me when i was younger. the girl was drunk and wanted me badly. i could sense she just wanted a hookup. i stopped her cause i liked her so much. it never worked out after. i should have just hooked up with her. i regret that.

[Boughs]

this happened to me when i was younger. the girl was drunk and wanted me badly. i could sense she just wanted a hookup. i stopped her cause i liked her so much. it never worked out after. i should have just hooked up with her. i regret that.

 

Lol, thats why I hooked up with her the second time. I told her initially that I liked her more than just a hookup... and then she seemed to try to do the friends with benefits deal... and I told her straight up I wouldn't do that.

 

So thats why I hooked up with her again... fullfill a bit of that but mainly to see if she was more ready than before... and perhaps understand her better/more.

 

Ok great advice I suppose I would have said that anyway but I'm glad that its kind of reinforced. Makes me think I'm doing the right thing more

[ghost69]

i thought you said you only kissed and you stopped her? so you did have sex now?

[Boughs]

Umm, we both got off but no oral or sex. So pretty much everything but.

[Boughs]

I just had class with her. We talked most of the time... just talking about what was going on in class. She and I keep having good chemistry. Didn't get a chance to ask much about her. Kinda just let it go. I don't know of another time I'll see her till next week unless I initiate something which in my opinion gives into her leading me on. I don't want to fall victim to it... what should I do now?

[ghost69]

she doesn't seem that interested now for some reason. if you aren't really getting any signals to going out on a date or hanging out outside of class, i don't see anything else happening.