heartbrokenj Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 We have been together for almost 5 years and he has become a father figure to my 11 year old son. He says that he loves me, but is not sure if he is still in love with me. I have been asked if we were to break up if we could remain friends and he could still be a part of my son's life. He claims that he is "confused" and not sure what he wants to do right now. How long should I remain in limbo? My entire life has been turned upside down and I don't think I can keep on going this way. Link to comment
WaterIsLife Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 I'm so sorry you are going through this. There really is no easy answer either. Only you can answer this. Obviously you can't wait forever. I think what you need to do is not put yourself in a position where you are "waiting". What I mean is, do the things that are good for you and make you happy. If he wants back into your life, then great! But you need to start looking to the future. The future without him in it. You need to do that for you. I know that this is a very difficult thing to do. Link to comment
buckdawg Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 my initial response is exactly 0.0 seconds but i know that's not reasonable nor should it probably be. too many mitigating factors are in play. like water said it's up to you but remember be FAIR to yourself first and foremost. his confusion isn't YOUR problem. Link to comment
inlove123 Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Honestly love I know its hard but just give him his time alone. If he truly loves you, he wont go and do something to further effect the relationship. And if you feel the same, you wouldn't either. I know he plays an important figure for your son but in reality, hes not your sons responsibility. If he chooses to be a father figure for your son thats out of the goodness of his heart. Truly theres really no obligation. Were there problems with the relationship that you might have left out as to why hes beginning to feel the way he is or did the relationship just slowly deteriorate? Link to comment
heartbrokenj Posted October 22, 2007 Author Share Posted October 22, 2007 Thanks for the responses. This whole thing blindsided me. We just purchased a home. We just took a family vaccation last month. I had no idea that he was "unhappy" or "unsure" about our future. I do feel like he has an obligation to my son. He chose to become his father. I never asked him to. Link to comment
inlove123 Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 But like I said that was out of the goodness of his heart. He did it because he was with you, loved you and your son and wanted to be there as best as he can but when push comes to shove, hes really not your sons responsibility nor is he obligated to have to be there because he was previously. It doesnt go to say he doesnt love your son, but IF he truly wasnt happy with YOU, he cant stay with you just for your son. Your son came with the package. Im not sure if you have done this or not, but its probably best not to use your son as leverage in your defense to try and win him back. Chances are he will probably come back. Try to give him space. Its the hardest thing in the world but he will probably come around eventually. Link to comment
need2bme Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 He says that he loves me, but is not sure if he is still in love with me. He claims that he is "confused" and not sure what he wants to do right now. Holy stinky stuff and I wish I could type it on here. If I hear those lines one more time. Hell, I was confused too, but I didn't bolt and say leave me alone. Nice, you friggin' people who....arrrggghhhh...sorry, never mind...I must be at that stage of grief. Link to comment
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