personality clash at work - irrational anger?

[Lucy_lou]

Ok, so I'm not sure if this is the best category, but since it's irrational I'm putting it under 'emotions.'

 

(warning - long whiney post - kinda long and boring.

 

There's this woman at my work who sometimes supervises and the way she speaks to me has driven me to quit the shifts when she's on.

 

Other people don't seem to mind her, but the way she treats me makes me so mad.

 

So all I can tell you is that I'm 28 and she's about 65, but acts like a 65 year old from maybe 50 years ago. (she's really archaic in her manner - reminds me of my late grandmother who I barely knew, but who smacked me once and I never forgave her).

 

And to put it further in context, I'm a casual there, and I am a happy, good worker who's been there a long time.

 

It's usually a really relaxed work environment, but she speaks to me in a manner that is extreemely stern, like an adult disciplining a dog or a young child. I think that's where most of her behavioural practice comes from. I can't explain it because it's all in her facial expression and tone of voice. the only word I have is stern. No matter how trivial the thing she's saying, she makes it into something that I feel I'm being punished for. Today we all had to write our contact details down on a sheet for some reason (she wasn't supervising, she was just one of the people being trained for a new project), but she called me specifically and said (with a stern look and stern voice) 'have you filled out this form?' (she was not even in supervisor role at that moment. She was just taking it upon herself to do it. ( I can tell she craves responsibility, and I know she's frustrated from wanting to be a doctor, but not being able to because of the inequality for women in her day) She takes tasks which could easily be carried out gently, lightly and easily, and she makes them into some kind of boss lady ordering the kids type of ordeal. I always feel like she's punishing me whenever she speaks to me. Basically she takes liberties in controlling our behaviour which are totally unneccesary for her job. I've stood up to her a couple of times, when she's spoken to me like that. One time, she knew I was pissed at her, becuase she foolishly made a comment that was intended to be in jest that we were having too much fun, and I just looked at her without smiling, (because she infact is the biggest killjoy I've ever met in that workplace), so I just kind of glared at her, and she asked me to go work in another room. I asked why and she said, to free up the oxygen. This is the kind of job where supervisors don't normally take it upon themselves to decide to tell people to work in another room for no reason, I mean, it was cramped and it wasn't a bad idea to use one of the spare rooms, but normally if anyone felt it was a bit stuffy, they might just say 'I'm going to go into the next room, if that's alright?' or a supervisor who had the idea might say, 'if anyone wants to go in to another room, if it's too stuffy in here, that's fine.' but she had to control the whole thing and decide who went and that was me. (she'd previously ordered another girl to work in another room). Totally unneccesary controlling of the staff.

 

But the mystery is the intense rage I feel when she acts like this. Why can't I just think 'she's a control freak and I see through her.' ? I just want to know how to not let it get to me. I am willing to have words with her, but I just don't know how to articulate why it is that she bothers me so much. I think she's be open to me having words with her, as she's in a kind of self reflective phase of her life, and she's been interested in my opinion of her in the past.

 

(by the way, she's a Leo)

 

 

Anyway, if anyone's bothered to read this long whinge and has any advice on how to not get mad at this woman, It would be helpful. And I can stop quitting shifts over her.

 

 

 

Thanks

[Daligal83]

I think you have a lot of rage because you are taking her actions personally. She's not directing this specifically at you, this is her style of working. You said that she had also sent another girl into a different room to work. So it's not just with you. When you get mad, just remind yourself that this is nothing person, it's just how she is. Sometimes your working style won't click with someone else's, and that's fine. You just have to find some common ground. If this is truly just unbearable to you, I'd say maybe take her aside and explain that your styles are incompatible and see if there's a way you two can approach each other that would be more comfortable. Don't think she's just going to change though..this is just who she is.

[Lucy_lou]

Sometimes your working style won't click with someone else's, and that's fine. You just have to find some common ground. If this is truly just unbearable to you, I'd say maybe take her aside and explain that your styles are incompatible and see if there's a way you two can approach each other that would be more comfortable. Don't think she's just going to change though..this is just who she is.

 

 

 

Thanks Daligal, I think you nailed it. (how to deal with it, that is).

 

I don't know that I'm taking it personally, necessarily. But maybe on an unconscious level I am (and thus screaming on the inside 'how dare you') rage indeed.

 

Thanks to both of you who read this loooong whiney post. Much appreciated.

[Batya33]

I would say nicely and neutrally to her - not defensively - "why are you speaking in that tone of voice to me?" and see what she says.