What do you girls do, when you like a guy, and he is trying to get with you?

[ghost69]

don't worry bro. i used to be an eager kind of guy. it's like you get so excited that you are getting somewhere and you put forth yet more effort. it can drive them off all in the same even though your intentions are good.

 

just don't look so hard.

[RedPenguin]

Hmmm maybe that's why, it's like when I'm in college, I get nowhere.

 

But when I walk in to a local mall or store, tons of girls are looking at me and many actually stare.

 

Guys stare at me too, which is somewhat weird, LoL, but hey, I guess I get noticed, LoL.

 

I think when I just walk in and say, forget girls, I actually get more attention and luck with the girls.

 

Sometimes, I will look at a girl, just figure, who cares, then she will just randomly introduce herself to me or something, and I'm like, wait a minute, I didn't think much of that girl, and now she's over talking to me? What did I do? LoL.

 

I swear, I have amazing luck, when I just don't try or give a darn. I wonder if I sometimes give off an attitude like, "I know you will like me" LoL. I think when I sometimes give off, "I know you will not like me", the girls actually come to me, it seems like, LoL.

 

I'll never forget the day, I just looked at a girl outside my college, figured, heck, I'm not worried about girls right now, so I went inside, and eventually she did, and just randomly introduced herself and started to talk to me, tell me everything about herself, and everything. I was like woah, that never happened to me before, what did I do?

 

I just hate those girls who give you dirty looks, when you look at them. They annoy me, LoL. I like the ones that look so sad, as if they are saying, "I want you so bad". I swear, I have girls, when they stare, will look like, they never seen anyone like me before, and I'm amazing or something.

 

I guess I am really original then, to get that much attention, LoL. I am happy, I am not the same as everyone else though. I want to be myself, and I think that probably is what or at least part of what makes me attractive. I also don't go with what society thinks most of the time.

[ghost69]

maybe change up your look a bit. get contacts, lasiks, new shirts with designs on them instead of patterns, put something in your hair spike it up a bit. this might help a bit with your image. you might learn you like it and it might become a part of you. try some new things.

[RedPenguin]

maybe change up your look a bit. get contacts, lasiks, new shirts with designs on them instead of patterns, put something in your hair spike it up a bit. this might help a bit with your image. you might learn you like it and it might become a part of you. try some new things.

 

 

ghost69, maybe you have something there. I noticed something today, with this girl and her friend, and I'm very surprised.

 

I had to do a presentation today, so I got dressed up in dress pants, a nice shirt, and dress shoes.

 

I figured, I'm not going to completely ignore the girl, but I'm not going to try for her anymore.

 

Now I have to admit, I did walk around the class, trying to show off a little, my new clothes, even though I thought since she never really gave me attention, that it would really work, but I figured, hell, what can I really lose.

 

Now, I go and sit down, and suddenly she starts to talk to me, asking am I doing my presentation today? Her friend says if I am going to read off the paper, and I said I have a PowerPoint, and I'm going to do that, but see if there is anything in the paper that I need to add. Then they both told me that they don't like to talk in front of people, her friend said she hated it. I said, there must be a lot of people like that, everyone signed up for the last day, and her friend joked, "that's us".

 

I could not believe how friendly they were. She obviously was not immature at all, like I first thought. I was shocked, because her friend never seems to talk to anyone, and she joined in the conversation. Also, we had a complete conversation, not just a yes or a no, or something like that.

 

Also, I said, see you both later, when class was over, and she said see you later, then I said have a good one.

 

I was like wait a minute, before, they didn't even seem to care to even talk, now they are both talking to me? LoL.

 

Why do you end up getting something good, after you decide to give up?

 

Now, I'm not saying, I can prove that they are madly in love with me or something, but I'm just amazed.

 

When I tried before, I seemed to be getting nowhere. Then I just figure, oh well, give up, then I get them starting a conversation with me? What the.

 

ghost69, I swear, I have to start saying screw it more often. I don't know what it is, but every time, I try for a girl, I get no where, but if I say screw it, who cares, suddenly something happens, like they start a conversation with me or sometimes flirt or something like that.

 

Is it possible that when I mean good, I give off bad vibes, but when I mean bad, I give off good ones? LoL. I mean, why is it every time I say screw it, something good happens. LoL.

[ghost69]

women are weird some times man. no attention = they want more. too much attention = they want less. it's part of the once you have it you don't want it anymore kind of thing.

 

i can recall toys when i was a kid. wanted something so bad. asked and asked, could never get it. then all the sudden i have it. xmas b-day or what not. then after a few weeks/months those toys would be like ehhhh, they old. okay analogy i guess.

 

but did your wardrobe change make you feel a bit more confident in yourself? did you feel more like, i know i look good who cares who doesn't think so?

[RedPenguin]

Well, ghost69, I did have a feeling like, well if you don't like me, I don't care one bit.

 

I also tried not to pay her any attention, figuring, why should I pay any attention or a lot, if she isn't in to me anyway.

 

I just couldn't believe it, it was like, wait a minute, when I tried to start a conversation, they didn't really talk. Now they are talking to me, without me even starting the conversation.

 

Also, again, I was shocked, her friend really never talks. She is so quiet, when the teacher asked who she was and where in the room she was to give her a paper, she wouldn't speak up, the girl I was attracted to had to point to her. So I was so surprised that she talked to me, as if she was not shy or quiet at all.

[Gratsy]

There isn't a formula. Either its there or it isn't. Either there is chemistry or there isn't.

[ghost69]

maybe the quiet one likes you. who knows. but forget the girl that gives you no signals. it isn't worth it and, and it will drive her nuts when you pay her no more attention.

[RedPenguin]

There isn't a formula. Either its there or it isn't. Either there is chemistry or there isn't.

 

Yes, I know exactly what you mean.

 

I'm just amazed at how, you can get no where for a while, and it looks like, it's not worth it, then you can give up, and all the sudden, things can switch, and it starts to look like there is perhaps a chance.

 

I don't know why for me, it's always after I decide to give up, but it just works that way for me.

 

I mean, I literally thought, oh well, this is hopeless, I'm getting no where with this girl, then all out of the blue she talks to me, and I'm like wait a minute, you didn't seem to want to talk to me before at all really, now your talking to me, so easily? LoL.

[ghost69]

she senses you don't give a crap anymore. she wants to know why now and try and start you up again. women do this all the time. this is why i always say don't be too eager. it's like you saturate it. like and old car. give it to much gas it chokes and dies on you.

[RedPenguin]

maybe the quiet one likes you. who knows. but forget the girl that gives you no signals. it isn't worth it and, and it will drive her nuts when you pay her no more attention.

 

Well the quiet one, actually was the one, I went for at first, because she was the more attractive one in my opinion, but it never seemed like it was going anywhere, so I figured move on, then figured, well her friend is attractive also, so maybe I can get somewhere with her, but then it looked like, I was getting no where with her either.

 

It's just funny, now that I decide to give up on both all together, suddenly they are giving me attention. LoL. Life is funny.

 

P.S. I thought at first, they were just going to ask me if I was going to do my presentation today and that's it, and maybe say something smart, not that they looked mean, but I'm used to people saying oh I hate class and I hate this and that. I mean, I didn't think they would be nasty, but I wasn't sure if they would be completely nicey nicey either.

 

I was shocked at how nice they both acted. We hardly know anything about each other, and they are talking and smiling as if they knew me for years or something, LoL. I mean, I never seen people who hardly know each other talk that friendly.

 

Not that people act like they want to murder each other when they talk to someone new, but usually, they seem hesitant somewhat at first, since they don't know the other person and vice-versa. These girls actually seem to act like they loved talking to me.

 

The reason I say that is because, I seen them in group work and her talking to some other people, and they didn't have this huge friendliness and smiling and all that. Not to really read in to it, I just thought that was interesting.

 

Also, it just amazed me, we had plenty of chances to talk before, and they never said a word to me, now they just randomly found me a person to talk to, LoL. I just love life and how confusing it is.

[Dating Coach]

What do you girls do, when you like a guy, and he is trying to get with you?

 

They say "yes".

 

It's really not that difficult. If it is, you're making it difficult. Let's have a look shall we?

 

Ok, I'm done with asking questions about whether or not a girl likes or doesn't like me and what a girl's body language means.

 

I should hope so! What a waste of time!!

 

If you like a girl you shouldn't be asking people whether or not she likes you back. You should instead be finding out for yourself without "waiting for permission". I'm just starting your thread and I am already assuming that this is the problem... that instead of straight up meeting a girl, flirting, joking, teasing her and then making a move I'm willing to bet you're "waiting for permission". That means you need her to send you some sort of signal that it's okay for you to take each tiny minute step forward.

 

Let's read on and see....

 

Here is my question now, if a girl knows a guy likes her, and she's at least interested in him, and she can obviously tell, that he's trying to get friendly with her, will she normally make it easy for the guy to "continue" to get to know her?

 

How does a girl know the guy is romantically interested? Did he let her know by telling her friends? Ick! Did he spread the news to other people around that he likes her? Ick! Did he tell her "I like you" and then leave it at that to gauge her reaction? Ick!

 

None of this makes sense if you aren't following it up with a conclusion. If you did it the best way, which is meet girl, flirt with girl, have fun with girl, and then ask girl out... then it's not a matter of her "making it easy" for you. By doing it this way YOU'VE made it easy by being confident, upfront, and honest.

 

I think what you're really asking here with "will she normally make it easy" is if she hears rumors that a guy likes her, will she send him a glaring signal that says, "Yes, I like you back. Please come ask me out. I will say yes. Then I will plan our first date for you. Then I will call you to make subsequent date plans. In fact, I will do everything, and when I want you to do something I will send you telepathic signals reminding you that it's okay for you to initiate something." Sorry, doesn't work that way. Inaction, shuffling your feet, constant indecision, fear to make a move, fear to put yourself out there, etc... it's all extremely unattractive.

 

She's not making it difficult. If you've not made your intentions clear and then asked her on a date then it is you whom is making things difficult. Instead of just getting up there and doing it, you're waiting for a glaringly apparant "okay to proceed" signal. You're going to be waiting for awhile.

 

I'm doing what everyone has told me to do, trying to get friendly with this one girl, and everyone is telling me that she's checking me out, so I figured, I have a much better chance of getting friendly with her.

 

Get friendly with her? You mean, talk like platonic unromantic friends? That's not the right way to go about it, because it's not true. You clearly don't have "platonic friendship" in mind, so signalling to her, "I'm a platonic friend" is not the way to go. You like her.

 

Instead; Open a conversation. Keep the topic fun, light, etc. No serious topics about politics, cars, sports (unless she's a sports freak), blood, guts, the war, drugs, etc. Keep the conversation on simple moment by moment, day by day things, and then tease her, joke, have FUN! When you've built up good rapport... ASK HER OUT ON A DATE! GET HER PHONE NUMBER!

 

That isn't sending "I'm the safe untinterested super-duper nice friend" signals, that telling her, "Hey, I dig you. You're a cool chick! I would like to take you out."

 

How does one get friendly with a girl, without eventually looking weird or trying too hard?

 

If trying too hard is a 10, and not trying at all is a 1, I'm guessing you're a 3. You might want to boost it up to about a 7.

 

If you continue to do what you are doing, you're definitely not in danger of trying too hard, but you surely are in danger of looking weird. It's weird when a guy appears as "just a friend" and then eventually makes a very unfriendlike move of telling her he has a crush on her. It's also weird to let a girl know you have a crush on her, she knows you know that she knows, and then you still shuffle your feet with indecision, hesistancy, etc until she gets fed up and moves on.

 

Think about it. If you know she likes you... then what is the problem? Why haven't you asked her out on a date? If you don't know she likes you... then why haven't you flirted with her, teased her, joked around, etc and then asked her out on a date? You see... the problem isn't her. She doesn't owe you a signal that says, "Hey, it's okay to risk asking me out because I will say yes to you." You instead owe it to yourself to get up and do it.

 

I mean, I've already talked to this girl, she knows I'm curious about her, I smiled at her, and now she looks a me a lot, with a curious look.

 

Maybe it's a "What are you waiting for, ask me out already..." look.

 

I haven't seen her for a couple of days, but how do I keep being friendly with her, just by talking, without eventually not seeing her anymore after class or something?

 

Friendly again? Are you aiming to go out with this girl or just be friends? Stop with the "friendly" stuff and start doing the "dating" stuff.

 

Sorry, if this seems like a repetitive question or something, it's just that I don't want to have another girl, that I don't see again, and all I did was talk to her and get friendly. This has happened to me numerous times, but I never really talked to the other girls though.

 

If it's happened numerous times I bet you've done the same thing numerous times... you've never actually asked the girl out but instead sat there at the point AFTER you talked to the girl but BEFORE you asked her out, and you sat there and sat there waiting for something to happen. It doesn't. YOU make it happen.

 

I'm telling you this because I did the same thing you are doing for years. I never got a girlfriend this way. I've had girls interested at first, but was dissed shortly after. I've already explained why.

[Gratsy]

I think that sometimes women do hook up with men who were crazy about them but then grew apathetic because they miss the attention. Its not a formula to automatically gain a woman since so many other circumstantial variables have to be in place for it to play out that way.

[Dating Coach]

Well, I just didn't know if I should give up on this girl or not, I tried being friendly and all that, but I'm sensing her not really liking me or being impressed with me, like she's feeling strange around me and stuff.

 

ghost69, should I still try?

 

She's not smiling or anything when I look at her, it's like she doesn't really like me or want me around.

 

I thought I was getting somewhere when she looked at me for a few days over and over, but now I'm getting a sense, she really doesn't like me or have interest in me.

 

You see what this does to you?

 

STOP IT!

 

 

 

If you keep sitting here thinking about whether or not she likes you, you will always go through this with every girl you like. Who cares if she likes you or not? If you are interested, GO FOR IT! If you don't but if you still look at her, think about her, wonder what's going on, try to talk to her, etc without ever taking the chance and just asking her out already then yes, she will in turn not like you or want to be around you. It's weird to have some guy always wanting to talk, to look at you, etc but he never says anything about it.

 

I bet the guys she's dated in the past didn't do that. I bet they just straight up approached, initiated conversation, made a good impression, and then asked her out. None of this shuffling around uncertain crud. Remember that!

[ghost69]

like DD summed up. go for it. make the move. hit on her. if you sense no interest, call it off. don't ponder.

 

don't let 'that guy' scoop her up instead. then u will really be kicking urself.

[RedPenguin]

Yeah, you are right. And I found that out today.

 

I don't know if either, I stopped looking so desperate or something, but something, I did today worked.

 

But these two girls, that I was in to for a little while, but they didn't seem to be interested, suddenly today, they appeared to really enjoy talking with me, instead of just doing short answers and that's it.

 

So, I must give off signals sometimes that are unattractive or something, because so many times, when I'm not worry about girls, they will suddenly come to me and start a conversation, randomly introduce themselves, talk for a while, smile a lot and be friendly etc.

 

Why is it, that normally, I don't get much attention from women, yet when I'm not trying, many times they will come to me? Why would this "come to me" thing only work, when I don't try? Do I try to hard or something?

[Dating Coach]

Understand that just because a girl is friendly and talks to you, it doesn't mean she is romantically interested in you. Look, you've already talked to her enough. If you are interested then you need to ask her out on a date. Not to study, not to hang out with friends, but the two of you, on a date. Put it out there.

[RedPenguin]

she senses you don't give a crap anymore. she wants to know why now and try and start you up again. women do this all the time. this is why i always say don't be too eager. it's like you saturate it. like and old car. give it to much gas it chokes and dies on you.

 

Well, is that technically a good thing or a bad thing LoL.

 

I figured it would be a good thing, but it somewhat sounded negative to a degree, LoL.

 

This don't give a crap thing must work. I guess many attractive girls are so used to guys just falling for them, without them trying, they figure I will wait for the guy.

 

I think, when they see me, acting like, "I don't care for you and I don't feel like falling for you like a puppy", it must trigger something in their mind, that says, "Hmmm, something is different about that guy?" then I think they investigate more.

 

Because, I've gotten way more attention from women, with the "I'm not falling for you" attitude then I ever did with the "Darn you are cute, I want you" attitude.

[RedPenguin]

Understand that just because a girl is friendly and talks to you, it doesn't mean she is romantically interested in you. Look, you've already talked to her enough. If you are interested then you need to ask her out on a date. Not to study, not to hang out with friends, but the two of you, on a date. Put it out there.

 

Yeah, I know that, but for me, if we never ever talk, that's kinda hard for me, to really ask her out on a date. So that's why I said that.

 

I mean, I feel you have to talk a little, instead of just randomly walking up to a girl and being like, "Excuse Me, you're cute, do you want to go out?" with never ever have said a word before that, flirted, or anything. Like if you just went on a bus, and said, "You're cute, let's go out.", that would seem really weird to me. It's somewhat like saying, to any random girl, "You're cute, let's go have sex".

[ghost69]

you just need the happy-go-lucky attitude. if you hit on a girl and she doesn't return your feelings, move on. it's as simple as that. not so much that you don't give a crap. but cut off all attention after that. so they yearn for more, so what. they shut you down, why pay them any more admiration? maybe let the girl try and get with you now that you are showing no interest. maybe give in to her down the road. but don't let women control you cause they are hot or cold one day. be you and only you.

 

if you don't get with this girl, hit on the next one. if the other girl sees you hitting on another girl, oh well huh? too bad for her. you can't stop and pine over these girls. it will tear you up forever.

 

simple calculation:

 

You + Your interest = make a move

make a move + no feedeback or no interest from the other person = move on

move on = spare your feelings and forget about it

 

this adds up if you calculate it. only be interested in the women that show you affection and want to get to know you and be with you. forget the rest unless they are friends.

[Dating Coach]

Well, is that technically a good thing or a bad thing LoL.

 

I figured it would be a good thing, but it somewhat sounded negative to a degree, LoL.

 

This don't give a crap thing must work. I guess many attractive girls are so used to guys just falling for them, without them trying, they figure I will wait for the guy.

 

I think, when they see me, acting like, "I don't care for you and I don't feel like falling for you like a puppy", it must trigger something in their mind, that says, "Hmmm, something is different about that guy?" then I think they investigate more.

 

Because, I've gotten way more attention from women, with the "I'm not falling for you" attitude then I ever did with the "Darn you are cute, I want you" attitude.

 

Allow me to explain this to you;

 

I'm no fan of a rating system, but just to simplify things... what would you say you are on a scale of 1-10? Or let's do it this way:

 

Let's say there is a guy whom is a 6 on a Social Value Scale of 1-10. Now let's say this guy meets a girl whom he views as a 4. He feels subconsciously that he is above her, that she isn't what he is looking for. He's looking for someone better. He wants someone whom is his level of higher. So does he go out of his way to bring this 4 girl her papers? Does he go out of his way to prove to her that he's a great catch? No. He may be nice to her because she is nice to him, but he's not interested. She's not a "catch" for him. He feels he can do better.

 

Now it's understandable that she's interested in him. Even though he is nice, he isn't going out of his way to do her favors. He's being confident around her, acting like himself, not throwing her free favors, etc. He's showing her he has at least an equal if not greater Social Value than she does. So to her, this guy is a catch. She's a 4, he's a 6. If a 4 got a 6 then the 4 scored good.

 

Turn it around. Let's say that same guy whom was relaxed around the 4, was himself, didn't suck up to her or kiss her rear with free favors (why would he, he doesn't feel he has anything to prove to her)... let's say that same guy meets a 8. Do you think he's going to convince the 8 that he is her Social Equal or her Social Superior by kissing her rear, offering to bring her the school papers, give her free rides, suck up, etc? Do you think such behavior shows her that he is her equal? No. He's just reinforcing the message that he is beneath what she can do.

 

If his actions support her higher Social Value, if his looks support her higher Social Value, then why would she aim low and give him herself if she is above him? Why wouldn't she just let him suck up but go for guys whom are 8's, 9's, and 10's? She might friend the 6er, but she's not going to settle into a romantic relationship with someone she looks down upon.

 

So how does Mr. 6 get Ms. 8? He's got to act as if he is an 8, 9, or 10. He can't act like a 6 to her 8. He can't suck up to her. He can't kiss her rear. He can't let her treat him with disrespect. All of these things when he does it, just shows her value is above him. So he must be to her like he is to the 4. He can be nice to her, he can be friendly, but he's got to display that he is her Social Equal or her Social Superior in some shape or form. If he can do that, then he appears as a catch, someone whom catches her interest.

 

Think about it. Does a Brad Pitt look at Ms. Hill, your 4th Grade Science Teacher with a boring personality and overweight frame and say to himself, "That's a catch". No, he looks at Angelina Jolie, he looks at Jennifer Aniston, etc. In order for him to see another person at his level they have to carry themselves as if they are on his level. That will catch his notice.

 

So you were wondering why girls you aren't interested in are giving you the time of day? They see you as a strong individual person, whom doesn't do her special favors or treat her as if she is better than you, you don't put her on a pedastle, you don't kiss her rear, etc. So she respects you (unless you're condescending or an ass).

 

But what about Ms. Pretty girl in class? Well you've been bringing her the papers, you've been trying to get into conversations, you've been looking at her longingly, you've been being overly nice and attentive, etc. You listen to her when she talks like she's the only person in the world. Do you do that with those other girls? You see, your actions are signalling that she is the catch and you are hoping to score above your level with her. Your actions tell her she is a better catch than you. So her dating you would be her undershooting her capabilities. Why would she do that when Captain Hunk over there is smiling at her?

 

The moral is, don't kiss ass, don't suck up, don't do free favors, don't give her your attention whenever she wants it, don't make it easy for her to get you drooling and doing her bidding, etc. It's unattractive. It makes your Social Value appear low.

[RedPenguin]

Yeah, I'm curious what will happen with her friend.

 

I will not see her until Tuesday, but like I said, that's funny how suddenly she's able to talk and I didn't even pay her attention then ignore her, LoL.

 

I found it interesting, but now it makes sense because of you ghost69, then after suddenly ignoring them both, they appeared to be curious of me now.

 

I don't mean, they asked me for my phone number or something, but it's funny how they never seemed to care about anything I did before, now it's like, what's going on with him? Let's ask him some questions, LoL.

 

It's exactly like you said ghost69, when I did pay attention, they acted like, "who are you?", but now that I decided to ignore them, suddenly they are like, "Hey, what's up?" LoL.

 

ghost69, I can't believe how many times that it happened to me. Another time, I looked at a girl a few times, didn't seem like she was really in to me, but I found out she had a boyfriend.

 

So I would give her the cold shoulder and only talked to her when needed, then instead of getting mad at the cold shoulder, she started telling me see you in class, goodbye, hello, etc.

 

So it's like, pay no attention, get attention, pay attention, get ignored. LoL.

[Dating Coach]

I mean, I feel you have to talk a little, instead of just randomly walking up to a girl and being like, "Excuse Me, you're cute, do you want to go out?" with never ever have said a word before that, flirted, or anything. Like if you just went on a bus, and said, "You're cute, let's go out.", that would seem really weird to me. It's somewhat like saying, to any random girl, "You're cute, let's go have sex".

 

Of course you have to talk first. I woudln't ever tell a guy, "Hey, see that girl, go up to her, tell her she's cute, and then ask her out." That's creepy and an invasion of space. The only way you're going to pull that off is if the girl already has a crush on you or she sees you as some big time catch.

 

But you've already talked to her. Probably too much at this point. She knows who you are, you're RedPenguin, the guy that sits next to me in class all year. That's plenty.

[RedPenguin]

Of course you have to talk first. I woudln't ever tell a guy, "Hey, see that girl, go up to her, tell her she's cute, and then ask her out." That's creepy and an invasion of space. The only way you're going to pull that off is if the girl already has a crush on you or she sees you as some big time catch.

 

But you've already talked to her. Probably too much at this point. She knows who you are, you're RedPenguin, the guy that sits next to me in class all year. That's plenty.

 

Yeah, that's true. I just didn't feel like going on for a while, because like ghost69 said, shrub off the ones that blow you off, so that's what I did.

 

It's just that now that I didn't give her any attention, now she's being friendly. That's what I meant.

 

I don't feel like going for a girl, if she's isn't friendly at all to me, I mean, that's not my type. I like friendly girls, I don't like those who are mean to people or anything like that.

 

Also, this is the first time, we actually had a conversation. I mean, one that wasn't one to two words long.

 

When I tried to get friendly and chatty with her before, she never seemed to want to talk and just blew me off, so I was like ok what ever.

 

It's just today, that her and her friend, have actually paid attention to me and have been really friendly.

 

Plus, I musta got something new, because tons of people are talking to me now and I'm talking to tons of people now, and that never happened before.

 

So perhaps I am changing and don't even realize it or realize it completely.

[ghost69]

the problem i see here it is it's the same girl. F her.