Learning more about her and myself everyday

[Trojanmn2]

Me and my g/f have been going on strong for 4 months. My g/f is a guy's chick. She always had guy friends since she was 6 and always preferred it that way. She's had many girls as friends too, she is always thought of as an nice person with an awesome attractive persona to everybody. She brings happiness to everybody. She works at a place with many guys, some with g/f's and knowing how sometimes she can be overly nice and misleading to them it brings on mixed signals which she can't help and I can't change nor am I upset about. I'm very cool and easy going on these types of things but now that we've already established we do truly love each other and want this to keep going, I'm afraid now and unstable with my fears this stopping.

 

Recently, I let my g/f deal with problems like other guys for herself. I say I trust her 200% and I do! I know she won't go out to hurt me, because I trust her, sometimes the paranoia comes in and I can't help it. I'm very attached to her and all I want to do is spend time with her all the time, I know that we can't and don't really need to now that we have each other, ever since she gotten the new job, I understand she needs money for us and herself. There's no problem there, but now recently I have felt left out, now that these guys at her work have been askin her to hang with them, they drink and smoke, she's against that totally. I'm very committed to this relationship and very attached. Sometimes I'm stuck trying to understand why sometimes she wants to do things with them, I feel inadequate at this point. For example, she wants to hang out with this chick so they both go to this guys house from work tonight after we have "our day" (we have one established day together) So she wants to plan to hang out with them that night, when she usually needs to get home @ at that time, so I wonder what is she doing? I sorta feel left out because I want to know these guys in part so I can be comfortable in a way, I know some of them she works with but I don't know how to get my feelings accross, its up to her to make me comfortable in the same way I would do FOR her. I mean she tells me things that goes on and I am satisfied with what she tells me, I just don't know what to do with the jealous and codependent feelings I get because I think I'm more attached than she is, I think she's afraid to commit and be attached again, even though she does things to show she was and now she doesn't.....now I'm scared. What do I do

[Princess777]

Hello,

Congratulations, you're falling in real love! Seriously, your feelings are quite normal for someone who is in love. It's nice to hear that you actually feel this way about your woman...

She should be flattered and feel lucky to have you!

My first suggestion would be to ask her if you can join her on her little outings.... I have always found it odd that people do those sorts of things but I must admit I am probably too committed when it comes to my partner.....I am more lovey-dovey than most, and I cherish my partner very much, like you describe. I want to be with him all the time and I know sometimes it gets annoying.. anyway, just ask her casually, "Mind if I come with you?" and see her reaction.... Pay close attention... if she makes a big deal about it, she might feel you're smothering her, or she might be hiding something. I think the way you can tell if nothing is really going on is if she just smiles and says, SURE, I'd love for you to! And if she remains in a happy mood if you end up going with her, I'd say give her the benefit of the doubt and you're probably pretty safe about trusting her.... however, if things get really serious between you two, I wouldn't suggest one going out drinking without the other.. it only leads to situations that alter one or the other's perception and actions sometimes occur that cannot be undone later. Don't put yourselves in those positions for anything to happen - your relationship is worth more than taking that chance.

Princess777

[kseyerlein]

I agree with Princess777.

If the partner acts in anyway odd and does not wish to include you whom they say they love and care about then there is a problem.

Why is there a one set day for you to see each other?

I son't know but my husband and I when I wasn't at work, he wasn't at work, we weren't resting, doing household chores, or getting a beauty treatment or hair cut spent a lot more than a one set day a week to see each other. We never let anything get into our need of sleep for work either. If I wanted to go out with my friend I wanted to take him along to introduce him and get my friends to know him and get him accepted into my group of friends as a friend also. He did the same. We from that point on went with each other unless it was a girl thing like shopping day for the girls or beauty treatments or a guy thing like holding up all in one house watching the superbowl after us gals set up their snacks and left for the movies together. Other than that we went as on big group to things guys & gals. My husband and I struggle for more time alone together than apart. We still want to be closer to one another. Been married three going on four years now and still like closeness.

[Trojanmn2]

Hello,

My first suggestion would be to ask her if you can join her on her little outings.... I have always found it odd that people do those sorts of things but I must admit I am probably too committed when it comes to my partner.....Princess777

 

I agree with you whole heartily, today we enjoyed "our day" together. We enjoyed our time alot because we haven't been able to sit around and relax in awhile since her undertaking of her new job. I asked her about her attachment, and I told her I was very attached, I wanted to be honest with her as much as possible and in turn she said the same. But still the thought remains in my head on thoughts of her wanting me to be comfortable.

 

anyway, just ask her casually, "Mind if I come with you?" and see her reaction.... Pay close attention... if she makes a big deal about it, she might feel you're smothering her, or she might be hiding something.

Princess777

I really doubt the second part, I may fear the latter, although i have a feeling that won't happen, my concern right now is putting her in a position to "invite" me along or in her thoughts I would say as "inviting me into THEIR thing or whatnot which would thereforeeee make problems and weird thoughts about her coming from them" You see, she is shy and does not want to come accross being rude and sounding like she's wanting. One example is a movie they went to that she seems it was going to be a circuit city thing with around 12 people, I wasn't expecting her to invite me along but she told me about some of those people brining their g/f's or b/f's.

 

I wouldn't suggest one going out drinking without the other.. it only leads to situations that alter one or the other's perception and actions sometimes occur that cannot be undone later. Princess777

good thing there, we don't drink!

[Trojanmn2]

I agree with Princess777.

If the partner acts in anyway odd and does not wish to include you whom they say they love and care about then there is a problem.

 

You're exactly right, how do you go about bringing that to her attention because I DO not want to make her feel like she does not care or love when I know she does. I do not want to bring her down in anyway because it has taken a good while to bring her up to being comfortable at this moment.

 

Why is there a one set day for you to see each other?

Well we see each other everyday. But there's only one day we can have off from everything on the outside of our relationship, work, school, people etc. But on the other days, we usually are only to see each other for 3-4 hours tops at late night because she works 2 jobs trying to get money from both because she cannot secure enough hours @ both. She

 

If I wanted to go out with my friend I wanted to take him along to introduce him and get my friends to know him and get him accepted into my group of friends as a friend also. He did the same. We from that point on went with each other unless it was a girl thing like shopping day for the girls or beauty treatments or a guy thing like holding up all in one house watching the superbowl after us gals set up their snacks and left for the movies together.

One thing I failed to mention, she prefers hanging out with guys rather than girls, girlfriends of hers are tied down with their b/fs. Also I never want to tell her what to do. Her last b/f was controlling but sometimes I want to tell her or at least suggest to her how to do something. I don't even do either because I'm afraid for how she's going to feel. I would introduce or bring her to my friends' things anytime anyday. Even though these are guys, she's trying to get to know them now, and I'm thinking I should wait a few more times and then I'll be invited. But I don't think that will happen, I wouldn't wait, I would invite her along nevertheless when its right, if somebody else was bringin an outside, why wouldn't I I would say.

[kseyerlein]

I didn't clarify. I have a lot of guy friends also. Always have but I still want to take my hubby with me and include him in my realm of friends and have him accepted by my friends male or female.

 

If you politely ask her if you can join her and she act stand offish or has an definite no then I would have a chat with her and tell her how you feel about the situation. That if she doesn't think well enough of you to include you in with her friends then there may be something else to worry about.