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Why on earth would someone react this way...


Blue_Soul
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I finally told a girl who I was very in love with and who seemed interested in me, at least as a friend, that I had feelings for her. It was the first time I was brave enough to be forward towards a woman about my feelings, almost seemed like a higher force pushed it out of me. I was actually quite proud of myself and spoke eloquently about how I felt. After I professed my feelings for her, she started whining and said she didn't want to see me anymore and I should leave right away. I would have at least hoped to get some explanation as to why she did or didn't feel the same way but she just won't talk to me. It's as if I did something to hurt her and she's mad at me...that's the vibe I'm getting. What did I do wrong? As hurtful as it was, I can't stop thinking about her.

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She may think you've moved too quickly. Even when we have these feelings for another, it's not always the best idea to let them know unless they seem to feel the same way. It generally takes a while to work up to the point where the two people involved will tell each other they're in love. It's just one of those things that has to be stepped up to, bit by bit.

 

Love is often a very synergetic thing, it feeds on itself through positive reinforcement. You feel good, she feels good. Since she feels good, you feel even better. That makes her feel even better and so on. When that process gets short circuited, it can very easily make the other person feel overwhelmed.

 

I'd suggest you take a step back, try to return to the way things were a few days ago with her after giving her a few days to deal with what you've told her, and see if you can start again. If she want's to feel for you the way you do for her and doesn't, it may be too late.

 

That's sort of the problem with laying everything out all at once, it's bascially a make or break situation. It's better to take things more slowly unless you know for sure it's welcome news.

 

I hope it works out for you. If not, you've learned a valuable lesson and hopefully next time things will be a bit easier.

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This is tough. My first guess is that she got scared. By her not talking to you makes things even worse. i know that feeling and it sucks... So many questions and they are all unanswered... All I can say is keep trying to talk to her and ask her to not be afraid and to open up to you - one of the best things in a relationship is communication. That's a great place to start.

 

Good luck...

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Dude,

 

I can feel your pain and that sucks. I think you should give yourself and her some time to process what you told her. Give her a week then maybe send an email or write a letter. I know it sounds korny but, this shows her that you are trying to give her space. Also if you press her too hard she may fall out of your life completely forever. Give her some time to sort through what you said. I would say you probally scared the crap out of her. Love stinks sometimes because you only wanted to say what you had to and make her feel good at the same time. Just hang in there for a while and she will come back to you. If she doesn't then move on and find yourself someone else.

 

I know it hurts and you probally feel like a jerk right now. You learned a valuable lesson from this. If you think about it that way moving on becomes a lot easier.

 

Good luck.

Hubman

 

P.S. Don't press her for any information because she will disappear from your life fast. Give her some time and all the answers you want will come to you. Also remember that you might not want to hear what she has to say because it might hurt you really badly on a personal level. It is your decision and you have to use your judgement to get through this.

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I don't feel like a jerk at all. I waited four months before I said anything. And it's not like I said I loved her or asked her to marry me, I just said I had feelings for her that went beyond friendship. If expressing your feelings to someone is scary, how do people get together in the first place? I guess I'm going to be alone for a while.

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First of all it always is hard even after being in a relationship. Not just in forming a relationship. Communication of how we feel, what we like and don't, who we are, where do we go from here and a host of a bunch of little things get sticky.

If you feel that it should go further than friendship it may be that she fears what it is that you think it should become. Maybe she isn't ready for that and needs reasurance from you that no matter what you want to keep the friendship as it is important to be friends no matter how much the relationship you have may or may not grow.

If husbands and wives are not friends also there is a world of hurt that occurs. So remember be friends always and then let it grow.

Reassure her that you will not push her into anything that her friendship will always be a heavy consern to you and that even though you feel more than just wanting to be friends you are willing to wait until she feels that she is ready for the next step and if she ever is.

8) If she won't speak to you then send her a letter with a delivery of flowers.

Then leave it up to her. If she doesn't reply then the best thing to do is to try and go on and mend yourself and get on with life. You will hurt for a while and be sad as we all have done.

You will make a great friend and a husband to someone someday and if she won't give you the chance then it will be her loss and you will find someone who will be worth more than you ever thought this girl was ever worth.

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