I don't really want to stick around for this.

[frail]

Death sounds like a much more comforting alternative then going through what’s going on right now, and what’s ahead of me. It doesn’t seem like anything falls in to place for me ever. Not that I expect all of my dreams to come true, but I would expect some things to turn out for me. There is always something unexpected that smashes any hope I hold onto. And somehow I just keep going.

 

I have just recently become single. And along with that comes the depression of course. Not only did I become single, but I ended up in a position where I have nothing and have to start all over. My dream is to work with animals. I was attending classes and doing really well. But I had to move out of the area. I am trying to go back to their other campus but they are making it very difficult for me. I don’t understand how the same school does two completely different things with the same program between there two campuses. And I feel I’m suffering because they don’t have their act together, And they are going to make me wait. I’m tired of waiting. I like being in school. I feel I’m accomplishing something when i'm there. And i really need something like that right now. I mean i REALLY do.

 

I have lack of motivation finding a job. The economy of the state I live in, is from what i hear anyway, the worst in the US. I have many of friends who have been unemployed and looking for jobs for months. Many people are getting laid off. There are already not too many employment opportunities out there. So it kills any hope of finding anything. Not that it’s an excuse not to try, but I have difficulty job searching anyway because of social anxiety. I’ll occasionally get a panic attack with I have to go in for an interview, or simply make a phone call to see if there are any positions open. I know I need a job, and I want one. And when I did work, I was a good employee and I got along with all of my co-workers. And when I left, my employers hated to see me go. But I want a job that’s not going to drive me into insanity, because as said before, I have social anxiety, and jobs like customer service where I have to work with grumpy customers who don’t appreciate a damn thing you do for them, isn’t my kinda thing. Jobs like that ruin my whole day. What can I say, I’m really soft. And I live in a world where only the strong survive.

 

I know I’m worthy of a good man, but there are so many ones out there I know I’ll run into. And I don’t want to deal with that. I am not greedy, nor judgmental, nor mean

. I have very strong morals. I think I am a good person. But when I’m staying here at home alone at night, all those girls who hore around, and are unfaithful, and are rude… are the ones who get attention, the ones who are loved, and who have more fun. And who get married and have a family. I mean yeah they cheat and ruin everything but at least they just seem to go right on the next guy. I don’t get it.

 

I was depressed as a child. I was depressed as a teenager. And now i'm depressed as an adult.

 

How the world works, just frustrates the hell out of me. And I don’t want to be a part of it anymore.

[stylistchic]

dealing with depression is so tough. I am going to go to counselling the second I can come up with my co-pay. Sounds like u may need the same. Staying in bed, crying, not wanting to go to work or spend any time with friends and family ar all symptons of depression.

 

U can work through this. I have been here before and to find myself back is horrifying. But I know it's only temporary. It is for u too. Maybe with the help of counselling and drugs and friends u will find YOU again too. Don't give up hope.

[Red Fox]

Can you see it as possible that things might improve? If you asked a random selection of 10 random people (kind of like a Jury) if they thought you could have a good future what do you think they would say? Do you feel there are things in your life that are good but are overlooked because of how you feel at the moment?

 

Speaking as someone who has been depressed before (I can't compare things because I don't know how you feel), I have found that in the future things have improved and the way I felt at that particular time wasn't set in stone for the rest of my life. You said that your dream job would be to work with animals. Can you be sure this won't happen? No one can be sure what could happen in the future. You did have a relationship and you did work in a job that you did well in. So you are able to do it, you've proved that, do you think it could happen again?

 

When people feel down and / or depressed everything does seem bleak but that doesn't necessarily mean that the future really is bleak, the negative thoughts are just that - thoughts. Nothings set in stone and although you might think the negatives are true, can you be sure there are true, would other people agree they are true?

 

I hated looking for jobs I had a ton of rejection letters. Do you feel able to look for something like voluntary work in the area you want to work in while you are looking for a job? It might help you get experience and a taste of what you might like doing as job.

 

If you are struggling can you think of family and friends that might help? Any other options in your area such as your GP and support groups might be beneficial if you wish to go down that route too. Good luck.