My boyfriend and porn

[finallyknowme]

 

Yeah, my boyfriend looks at porn too, and 99 percent of the time it doesn't bother me at all. Frequently we watch it together, sometimes at his instigation and sometimes at mine. On occasion I have experienced minor irritation at his attention to his internet collection, like recently when I was at my laptop and he was on his accross the room, and while waiting for something to download he was cruising porn. Certainly not to get aroused at that moment, in fact we had just had great sex, he was just idly looking.

 

I said to him, god, why would you be looking at that now and he could tell I was mildly annoyed. Right away I could see this hurt his feelings and I realized it was the silliest thing to get irked about. Who cares? I decided to just never say another word, as long as porn doesn't get in the way of real life (and it never has.)

 

When you say, right away you could see it hurt his feelings... what about yours? I think you are talking yourself into something that you really want to be angry about but you are afraid to stand of for that 1% (it's probably more if you would allow yourself to see it objectivly) that you are irked about.

 

see- this is what i'm talking about. you obviously gave up demanding respect. and instead of beating him... you joined him. 1% is still 1%.

[CherryGrl]

I think you and I are really just on different pages regarding porn.

 

I LIKE porn and it's not the least bit hard for me to understand why guys like it. I have enjoyed porn for many years prior to current relationship. I know and have known many women who also enjoy porn, both with and without their guys. Of course I've also heard women say they have no idea what the appeal is, and if that's the case I can see how it might make someone feel angry or threatened. I've never felt threatened by women in porn or thought I was being compared unfavorably, any more than I feel that way when we're at the beach.

 

Sorry, I just don't see this as a respect thing.

[JuStAgIrL31806]

My boyfriend looks up porn too and I made a big mistake today. Okay, well first off, let me tell you...EVERYDAY that we dont have sex he jacks off, and he for some reason HAS to have porn. He will not tell me the site he looks at but he tells me he has a certain site, because he doesnt want me looking at it. He also gets mad when I look at other guys...that are fully dressed! It wasnt bothering me that he was looking at porn until he starts getting mad at me because I looked at guys when we go somewhere, but it wasnt like I was looking at the to "check them out"...it was just a glance...everybody does that...and he will get mad. He seems to think that its ok for him to look at naked women but i cant even glance at another male...then he attempts to tell me other women are "sexy". I am really starting to get bothered. The mistake I made today was asking him too many questions about it. He doent like to talk about it with me, and it makes me feel like he isnt comfortable with me...we have been together a year. I am completely comfortable with him, and he is comfortable with me about everything EXCEPT that. He gets mad when I ask him questions like, "what do you think about when you are doing it?" and "do you imagine having sex or doing sexual things with these girls?" He tells me he is getting aggrivated with me and wont answer my questions. It is really bothering me now...because he told me he wasnt going to do it anymore...and I dont believe him...and what really makes me mad is his lying, and I dont believe him, because he has lied to me about this situation before. I dont know what to do. If any males are reading this can you tell me what guys think about when they are jacking off and looking at porn? Do they imagine doing stuff with these women? and....my boyfriend tells me that he doesnt imagine doing stuff with the women, he said that it is just a way to get hard...he tells me that hard and horny arent the same thing. Is that true? because i thought it was from blood rushing in your penis, and that is what causes it to get hard...and doesnt the horniness make the blood rush? I am very upset, please someone reply. I am just upset about the whole situation now. Thanks.

[loveyourself]

Wow!!!! It is unfortunate, but I feel much better now that I have run accross this forum and understand that many, many other women are dealing with the same issue that I have been dealing with in my relationship. PORN!!! I have read almost everyone's post and see so many similarities in all the stories including my own. This is very long, but worth reading to hear my story. I could also use some advise and/or input.

 

I LIKE PORN TOO

First, I would like to start by saying that I like porn and look at it sometimes. I feel like although it is the same as my boyfriend looking at it, it is different in a way. How many porn websites out there are dedicated just to men????? Almost all of them!!! I do not look at porn and look at only men. In fact I look at mainly women and sometimes couples because that is all that is out there and the male sites are normally geared towards gay men!!!

 

HYPOCRITE

I feel like a hypocrite to get upset when I catch my boyfriend looking at porn or to find evidence on his computer, but like every woman has said, it is so painful and it makes me feel inadequate, ugly, not good enough for him, and so on. I get this awful feeling inside me and I feel like I can't make it go away. I get so emotional and angry over my boyfriend looking at other naked women posing or pleasing each other. The fact that other women turn him on just makes me cringe!!! Another reason I know it hurts me so much is because I would like to think that my boyfriend is only turned on by me. I know him as a loving, affectionate, gentleman and it hurts to know the truth that he is like other men and is attracted to other women. Now I do have to say that I do not get upset at all when he looks at men and women having sex, but when I see pictures of just women (young and hot at that) I get jealous and crazy !!! Is this true for anyone else?

 

CAUGHT HIM !!!

Well, I have come home early and caught him while we were living together, found pictures and websites on his computer (recycling bin, cookies, temporary files, etc), and caught him with magazines and DVDs. When I would get upset, he would comfort me and tell me it is fake and it has nothing to do with me. He does it because it is a thrill and because he feels like he is doing something wrong or naughty and it turns him on. He would also sometimes get angry and say that I am invading his privacy and porn is very private to him. I understand that because I do it to, but for some reason it tears me apart. So we talked about it and he said he would not really look at it. Of course though, I caught him over and over again.

 

SNOOPING

This led to me snooping to see if he was lying, which ladies, becomes addicting, even more hurtful for yourself, and unhealthy for the relationship. I would ask him daily if he had looked at porn or not. I was always waiting to catch him in a lie. When I did find something I would confront him about it and he would admit it and say that he did not want to hurt me and tell me because I freak out. So, he began erasing the entire history on his computer daily, which I would get angry about. I now prefer he does so because it hurts me so much to see it and now I don't snoop (well, as much!!) We also made a commitment to each other that if he told me the truth 100% I would not get angry at him and flip out, but deal with his answer. This has worked!!!

 

TOOK PICS OF MYSELF

I did try taking pictures of myself and I know he enjoyed them, but it did not stop him from looking at porn !!!! IF YOU TRY THIS, BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR PICTURES !!! I recently found some of my nude picture on a porn site. Don't know how they got there and it is being investigated, but never thought it could happen to me !!!!!! There are plenty of hacker out there!!!!!!!

 

ADVICE

To this day my boyfriend and I still deal with this issue. I do not get as upset and hurt and we both decided not to look at porn a lot because it definitely affects our relationship.

My advice to all the struggling, hurt women is this:

 

1. Learn to love and be secure with your own body. You probably won't be as hurt and jealous when your boyfriend looks at porn. You will know that you are more beautiful than those people on the porn sites. Always remember that those pictures are airbrushed and not what these women or men really look like. THEY ARE FAKE!!!

 

2. Talk openly with your loved one regarding porn and if he does not attempt to change his habits then he is not the one for you. Express your dislike and pain and talk to him about why he does it. Most likely you will find that it had absolutely nothing to do with you!!!! You can be the most beautiful women in the world and he will still have a desire to look at other naked women!!!!!

 

3. This is weird, but it helps me. I always try to remember that we are born naked and should be comfortable nude. I try to think of other countries where nudity is the norm and people are not so turned on by it. It takes all the curiosity and thrill away.

 

4. Lastly, TRUST IN YOURSELF. If it is obsessive and hurting you (crying all the time, etc) and nothing is being done about it after you express your views, leave him. If you don't see eye to eye on this issue, it will be difficult later in life to overcome and deal with issues such as this one. Maybe he will finally understand you are serious and stop. Remember, no matter what he says, he can stop if he wants to!!!! If he does not love you enough to stop or get some help then move on. There are so many other men out there that would love to be with just you and worship just you. No porn included!!

 

Good luck to everyone!!!

[wadeblues]

Sometimes guys would like to make love more often than girls. Sometimes porn can help a guy to not put so much pressure on the girl. It is fantasy and not reality. Guys are (usually) just more visual. I get a little offended when my girlfriends drool over Hollywood characters because they idealize them, much in the same way men fantasize about naked pictures. I don't like it that they idealize actors, but I realize in the end that it is just fantasy.

 

Having said this, I believe that porn can become and addiction, and that is not good either. But so can watching soap operas and cheesy romantic comedies.

[jojo2131]

I found this thread while doing some research for a website I've been working on. I'm a guy who used to look at porn, and am a much happier person since I've stopped. Stopping was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. The more facts I gather, the more I am worried about some of the casual acceptance and responses I read lately. I DON'T think that a woman or man should have to worry about what their parnter does after they go to bed at night. They shouldn't have to worry what he (or she, but usually he) does between the hours of 12 and 3am. Plenty of guys are in relationships with very attractive women who are sexually available, and are choosing porn over them. What's going on? This has happened to me, so I think I have some perspective on the issue. At its worst, I could have sex with my very beautiful girlfriend at the time, and then when she was in the shower getting ready for bed, I could be looking at porn and getting off. I don't understand why anybody would want that or find it acceptable for them or their partner. It completely destroys the intimacy in the relationship. It's not really a choice that he is probably even consciously making. And society is so lukewarm about doing anything about it that he hardly has a reason to stop. Today, you're practically considered weird if you don't look at porn. Relationship with others is what life is all about. Porn is about a relationship with yourself. The greatest joys in life comes from helping and giving back to others. As a person who dabbles in porn, you are not interested in pleasing even your partner. Your primary concern is to please yourself.

 

As for what to do, I think that if more women would actually stand up to their boyfriends or spouses, some attitudes might start to change. If you can't get him to change by moving out, then you don't need him in your life. I know this is a very hard thing to accept, but you shouldn't have to put up with it. You deserve better. But you do owe it to your man to give him the opportunity to change. But don't be lukewarm about it either. Lay down the law, and if you don't see him at least trying to change, the you may have to walk away. You can help him along the path, but stopping this destructive cycle means that people must transform a lot of their personal habits into healthier ones. If you are just starting a relationship and you are aware that porn is a problem, don't think that things will change. It would but far easier to start fresh than try to move a mountain. The bottom line is, clear the air with your partner, find out if he's been hiding this crap, and then go from there. Chances are when he finds out more facts about it he will be willing to change.

 

Someone on this thread said, you shouldn't expect him to change for you. Well guess what? Maybe he should have told you that a few years into the relationship he would rather sit in a corner and masturbate all night while looking at porn than have sex with you. So you can't expect him to change, but he can get away with murder? What are you thinking?

 

 

Think about all that time he spends looking at porn. What if he used it to do something productive? To work on your relationship? To become a better person? To get involved in a productive hobby that is rewarding to himself and others? I read a post on another site that said all men are just horny monsters. That's not true. But you have to be strong enough to show him that you won't put up with a horny monster in your house, it's his choice, and you can both do something about this problem.

 

The site I've been working on is called link removed and I've tried to go into depth to answer a lot of these quesitons in detail. I would really like to include some of the sories I've read on this board. If anyone wants to check it out and contribute to this just send me an email from the site. Your help can go a long way to promoting awareness about this ever growing problem.

[veryconfusedchica]

Okay, my post is probably just going to sound like every other post but i have to say something somewhere.

 

A while ago my boyfriend mentioned that he looked at porn and i was just utterly disgusted. It's apparently an uncomfortable subject for him so it's very hard for us to talk about it. The bottom line is that he was just like "fine i won't do it anymore", and i felt awful for being such a controlling girlfriend when he told me that EVERY male looks at it. But then when i asked him about it in a few weeks he was just like "i don't even need it anymore, the thought of you is all i need". Maybe it's because it's my first relationship and I don't know much about male masturbation, but I believed him. For the longest time I was okay and just so happy in our realtionship.

 

Many months later, a few days ago,we were talking about something related to porn and started talking about it again. He said "i hardly ever even watch porn". And my stomach just sunk. I was like, I thought you said you didnt anymore! And he told me he practically didn't, only like once a month. Maybe it's me but that's not enough for me. For days all I could do was think about what he had said and think about the fact that he watched it. I can't comprehend how he can sit there and not feel guilty about looking at hundreds of naked women. When I think about it I just want to cry because I know they're prettier, sexier, and have nicer bodies than I do. I just feel so ugly and it's really making my self esteem plummet.

 

I felt that I needed to tell him about it and finally worked up the courage, though it took a while. I just told him that I didn't think it was fair that he looked at naked women who weren't me and obviously wanted to have sex with them if he masturbated to the thought and sight of them. I want to be the only one he wants to have sex with. I was appauled when all he had to say was "it's fake, it's not even real, what do you want? i'm a teenage boy". And I couldn't believe that after all that I told him, how horrible I'd been feeling about myself, he didn't say one thing to make me feel better. We haven't had sex yet, but we're always doing sexual things, like oral. So I told him that I couldn't have sex with him knowing that for all I know he is just going to go home and look at women who he thought did it better or looked better doing it. I'm only sixteen and it's just not fair to lose my virginity to someone who is not going to make me feel special. I also told him I wasn't going to do anything sexual for a while, until some progress was made in the situation. I don't know if this was a mistake, but I didn't know what else to do. I love him with all my heart and I didn't want to take the advice of breaking up with him. What if he's right? what if all men do look at porn and I'd be losing him over nothing?

 

I just wish he could fantasize about me, I would do anything for him to do so. Why does he need these women? I know this was long but I hope someone reads it and can give me advice as to what to do.

[miscom]

I hear you, sister. I have found that it is a losing battle when you are dealing with men and porn. Us asking them to stop is an invitaion for lies and sneaking around.

My bf is 100% honest with me when I ask him if he watched porn, which hurts, but I would rather him be hoenst than lie.

His yo-yo weight (when he fluxes b/n 220-240) causes his libido to S L O W down, but then all of a sudden he is watching porn. Not a lot of stamina needed for one handed motions, apparently. But I suffer in the meantime. I am a healthy and attractive 33 year old woman with healthy, attractive 33-year old needs.

My only problem is that it is the same thing over and over.....I pretty much take care of everything during sex. It is getting, how shall I say....boring. I am in need of porn now to get off at all. Funny how tables turn. My table turning is not for a good reason though. I have told him that I would like him to be more involved, and I get the perverbial, " I know you are right. I should pay more attention to you" b/s. Oh well, enough venting.

[JuStAgIrL31806]

I was watching Dr. Phil the other day...and the porn issue came up, so...I decided to share it with everyone. I went and found the website, and it has archives of what happened on the show, I sent this exact same thing to my boyfriend. Gotta love Dr. Phil...hope this helps.

 

"I'm afraid that Chris is addicted to porn," says Kiza about her fiancé. "He looks at it probably like five times a week ... Chris' porn habit definitely makes me feel like I'm not enough for him. It hurts to know that when I'm gone, that he'll go somewhere and pick it up or go buy it. If a guy wants to look at porn, that's fine, but the guy I marry won't."

 

"Porno is a normal guy thing," says Chris. "Every guy should have the right to look at porn." Chris says he's never had any of his past girlfriends complain about it. But it's a different story with his fiancée, Kiza. "I definitely feel like I have to be sneaky about it. There's going to be a fight if I've looked at porn. She'll start yelling and get mad. She thinks it's like cheating and I think it's just a normal thing that every guy does." But Chris does acknowledge the strength of his habit. "It's tough for me to quit," he says.

 

Kiza turns to Dr. Phil for help. "My fiancé's addiction to porn is out of control. I don't want to marry someone who has this problem. Can you help us?"

 

Kiza and Chris are going to be married in a few weeks. "Are you worried about marrying this guy?" Dr. Phil asks Kiza.

 

"If he's not going to stop, yeah. Definitely," she says.

 

"Are you going to stop?" Dr. Phil asks Chris.

 

"Definitely," he says.

 

"Oh, well, problem solved," says Dr. Phil, sarcastically. "You guys have got to be kidding me here. You don't really think there's a problem with this," he tells Chris.

 

"I don't," Chris admits. "I think it's normal. I've been doing it since I was a teenager, about 16 years old. I just feel like it's a part of most guys' lives ... It's hard for me to quit because it's a part of my life."

 

"Is there any part of that you don't understand?" Dr. Phil asks Kiza. "He's being honest. He's telling you, 'There's nothing wrong with this and you need to get over it.'"

 

"Right," says Kiza.

 

Dr. Phil has a question for Kiza: "Should you go through with this marriage in a few weeks?"

 

Kiza is torn. "No. But yeah. I still love him," she says.

 

Dr. Phil points out that the invitations have gone out and all of their wedding plans are in place. "That's why you're saying you need to go through with this wedding, right? It's like, what are you going to do now? Call everybody and tell them you're not going to get married?" Dr. Phil answers his own question: "Yeah! Because let me tell you, you have a serious problem here. He has an addiction to pornography and he thinks it's OK."

 

He turns to Chris: "And you say that you want to change it, but you really don't."

 

"Yeah, I do. That's why I'm here," says Chris.

 

"No, you're here because you're in trouble," says Dr. Phil. He points out that it wasn't until Kiza moved in with Chris that she really noticed his porn collection. Chris threw it all out for her.

 

"Except the Internet. It's the only thing I had," says Chris.

 

Dr. Phil and Chris debate about how much time he spends looking at Internet porn. Chris claims he has an urge to look at it once a week, so he does. "I can't explain it ... It's just like having a cigarette. The same kind of ordeal," he says.

 

Dr. Phil looks pointedly at Kiza. "You need to hear that honesty," he tells her. "I think you're sitting there right now thinking, 'Oh, my God. He is telling me not to get married and I have this big wedding planned.' True?"

 

"True," says Kiza. "And it's not just the wedding, it's my relationship with Chris that I don't want to just throw out the door."

 

Dr. Phil clarifies that he does believe there is potential for them to have a rewarding relationship for years to come, and he commends Chris for his honesty. But he disagrees with Chris that looking at porn is "normal."

He tells Chris, "Let me tell you why it's not normal. Number one, pornography is fantasy. It isn't real. Those girls aren't real. Let me tell you what's real. She says that when you do this, she feels hurt, ugly, deceived, lied to and inadequate because she cannot measure up to these pornography images."

 

Kiza begins to get emotional.

 

Dr. Phil continues: "You're hurting her feelings. You've got a flat-screen here. They're not real people. There's no intimacy, you're not talking to them, you're not interacting with them." He points to Kiza. "You have a thinking, feeling, breathing, flesh and bone, beautiful, beautiful woman here, who's in love with you. And you'll leave her back there in the den watching TV while you're watching somebody on a flat-screen? Let me tell you, that's makeup, it's beauty lenses, it's hair extensions, it's camera angles, it's silicone, silicone, silicone, silicone! And let me tell you what else it is. What you're looking at on that screen is somebody's daughter. You're looking at somebody's daughter who has taken a really, really wrong turn. And they are demeaning themselves, they are debasing themselves, they are humiliating themselves, and they are being exploited by people who are funded by you."

 

Dr. Phil also debates Chris' assertion that it's "a guy thing." "It is a sick, demented, twisted world and you are going into it over and over and over to the point that it is eroding your relationship with this girl right here. It's not healthy, it's not natural, it's not normal." Dr. Phil offers to get Chris professional help.

 

He turns to Kiza: "And you do not want to marry him unless and until this gets taken care of ... You're not ready to get married to him in a few weeks. If you do, you are asking for trouble. You will absolutely break your heart if you are married to a porn addict."

[miscom]

That is very interesting and I wish that I would have seen that episode with my boyfriend. I will have to somehow incorporate that into a discussion.....

He says the same thing - "It is a normal guy thing to do. I know married guys who do it and their wives don't care. Hell, I know marryied guys whose wives BUY them Playboys and stuff like that!" Of course my reply is, "So that makes them a better mate than myself? Maybe they don't care and that is their perogative. Maybe they are more secure than me. Whatever."

[JuStAgIrL31806]

YES. That episode came on...and my boyfriend didnt watch it with me...he blamed it on his mother being home...she wasnt even in the room with us...so, we missed that episode...reruns play ALL THE TIME...maybe you can catch it another day or go to link removed and look over this stuff...here is the discussion page talking about the episode link removed. I find this information from Dr. Phil very good. Like I said, gotta love Dr. Phil. Maybe there is a way to order a dvd or video on that episode...i dont know...you can look and see. ATLEAST ONE MAN AGREES WITH US!

[OceanEyes]

If any woman is really uncomfortable with pornography, she shouldn't have to deal with it. Period. This doesn't mean that you're going to change the man, but you can change your own lifestyle. This doesn't even have to be limited to porn either - this concept transcends into other scenarios like a gambling problem, being a slob, or being overly jealous. You can try to change the behaviour (which ultimately means changing him), or you can hold out for the right man who compliments your life.

 

A lot of women are told to simply "chill out" or "deal with it". Those are discouraging words that are not comforting or constructive. Don't accept that or be made to feel that YOU are the problem. You're a human being with needs of your own, just like the porn-loving man is. If you know that you're not going to change the man, then change yourself and your lifestyle. Don't live with it in your face daily if it bothers you. Life is about more than that.

[JuStAgIrL31806]

Ok..yes you CAN buy a tape of the Dr. Phil episode I was talking about. Go to link removed and click on store, then tapes and transcripts. When that page opens type in on the search bar "Extreme Sex Differences"...and it will come up with a list of stuff, and then click "Extreme Sex Differences" and that is the show that I was talking about...it is 29.95...I wouldnt buy it, but if some girls out there want to get a point accross to their boyfriends, I would strongly recommend it...I think it would be very helpful. Thanks.

[angryresentful]

I read this dialogue and cried. My boyfriend of almost 5 years and I have been having issues with the porn thing for a very long time. He had promised me he wouldn't look at porn anymore if it meant losing me and I don't think he did. Well, we had recently taken a break for other reasons, and got back together a few days ago. Well, I found out tonight that he subscribed to a porn site a few days before we got back together, as well as just tonight! I'm completely crushed to the point of shaking physically right now. I should have known he wouldn't give up porn for me but only for himself, and I feel like such a fool for believing in him on this! We just got back together after a 2-month break, and porn was such a big deal for me when we were together, why would he still be looking at it now that we're trying to make things work for the long-haul now? It makes me sick to my stomach that while I'mm here in my apartment looking for some relief on this, he's at his house jerking off to porn, knowing fully how wrong it is for this relationship. I honestly don't think I can be with someone who does this, and now that things have been going well, I'mm terrified of bringing it up and causing a riff in our relationship. I text-messaged him saying we need to seriously talk tomorrow. It sucks because I just went through the heartbreak only 2 months ago thinking we were through, and now I feel those same horrid feelings of anxiety and grief once again because I may have to break up with him over this. I know I probably sound like a crazy person right now, but it's the raw emotion of finding out you've been deceived that is speaking.

The sad thing is, there is a small part of me that feels like it would be easier to just try and forget about it and pretend it doesn't bother me so that I don't have to experience the awfulness of a break up again.

We got back together because we have a really great relationship otherwise, and I truly want to spend the rest of my life with him.

I almost feel like his porn addiction cannot be overcome at this point, and I'm exhausting myself stressing over it.

What should I do?

[candy604]

yeah he needs to realize it's not healthy and its hurting your relationship. my dad gave up all this porn stuff after he became a christian b/c he saw why it wasn't good or healthy( this was about 20 years ago) ( my mom already told him many times, but never helped).

[engagedkitty]

Whoa whoa WHOA there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with that! You shouldn't even have to ask that question. Your husband needs HELP, and so do you because you will suffer from his sick addiction as well. Look, I'm like the rest of you girls, I can't stand the thought of my man watching porn, but I don't really have a problem with porn itself- I would look at it if I was single. But there is a limit- WHY is he looking at KIDDIE PORN???? Come the **** on. Please get him help.

[candy604]

oh crap your husband needs help that's really dangerous to get into child pornography. go search up dateline , they had a documentary on men who likes young teenagers ( even married men).

 

thanks for posting up the dr.phil article. I am definitely going to show my bf. I knew something about porn was wrong and the excuse " it's a guy thing" threw me off guard and asking me to accept it. Now I know.

[engagedkitty]

oh crap your husband needs help that's really dangerous to get into child pornography. go search up dateline , they had a documentary on men who likes young teenagers ( even married men).

 

thanks for posting up the dr.phil article. I am definitely going to show my bf. I knew something about porn was wrong and the excuse " it's a guy thing" threw me off guard and asking me to accept it. Now I know.

 

where is this article at out of curiosity? the one on dateline

[g44]

sometimes new things happen in our lives...maybe he got carried away...maybe it was something new and exciting for him and the situation surrounding this issue played a part...a healthy relationship involves communication and commitment and understanding and i am sure if u sit down and talk with him and honestly express how important this is to him, he would drop it right away....remember, you are real, porn is a fantasy...the real deal always win out. trust must be there.

[kloughvr]

I find it very strange how I can go for a long time without caring that he has and does look at porn. But when the actual event or occasion happens, whether I know about it or not (right away), I get extremely self conscience of myself, and pretty depressed for a little while. Even if he hasn't looked at it, finding recent pornos or viewed pages still does the exact same thing. And also, he's been buying these somewhat anime/drawn mature books (not really sure, cause it's not completely porn) and paying 20 or 40 bucks for an "art" book as he likes to call them either. I really don't know why it bothers me this much. But I know I'm not the only one, so I don't mind venting about it that much.

 

Although many of you have said exactly what I've wanted to say, it still doesn't entirely answer the question I've been searching for.

 

The matter of the fact is we feel like such * * * * because they are looking at some other naked girl, other than us, and also they happen to be perfectly blessed, everywhere. As to we are not, most likely.

 

How the hell am I suppose to put my self esteem and whatnot aside so I don't make him feel guilty/bad everytime I can tell? So it's alright, because I know that he won't stop, so there has to be some other solution, maybe?

 

So if someone has an idea, or thought or anything that could possibly help, please! say something.

[engagedkitty]

Well my man claims he's not going to look at it and has given all physical copies of porn (videos etc) away, but that does not mean he's not looking at it whenever my back is turned. That's the problem of being with a computer tech person- they know how to hide ANYTHING.

 

But I say lay down the law. I say oh heeeelll to the no. Not around me. I see how some people said the idea of porn itself is offensive. Naah. I would look at it myself, whatever. But the idea of porn in a relationship is offensive. I think it's demeaning to the woman. It IS saying we are not good enough and that's why so many ladies who posted under this topic seem to have low self esteems. No damn wonder when their men are forgoing sex with them for sex with their hand and a few naked 2D ho's.

 

Heh it's funny 'cause *someone* is getting offended and swearing up and down they don't look at it and trying to show me the damn cache and so on and so on but that doesn't mean a thing because I'm not particularly computer literate - I can run one, that's basically it- so it makes it seeeeeeeeem like someone's got something to hide and so they're covering the tracks very welllllll. Hmmm.

[g44]

included in a relationship is if both people want it to be...if one feels uncomfortable with it, then they should just tell the other that and why it is. because something like that really is such a non-issue. i think the reason porn might come into a relationship is you both might be interested in discovering more about each other in a sexual, sensual way. i can only speak for myself but i have always from that the only interest something like that holds for me, is how you learn more about your partner. so, its not about what u are watching but about what discussions and feelings come out of it. and there is nothing wrong with saying to someone that it is something u don't like - and 99.9% of the time your partner will listen to that. besides there is nothing like the real thing. everything else is nonsense.

[candy604]

engagedkitty ... it was on tv like a couple of months ago. They actually caught men by posing as a 12 year old in a chat room with men who like teenagers ( they set up a time to meet these men and it actually worked, the police were there to catch these men.) Also one guy brought his daughter..so sick.

 

here i found it for you!

 

link removed

 

 

you can always check the garbage bin on the computer, or the internet history? or run a virus scan lol. but i mean he can delete it after he looks at it, so it's very hard to catch someone.

[benita]

Hi everyone, I surfed accross this site last night and it has been a very valuable source of comfort and support to me, even though I havnt interacted with any of yet.

 

I left my guy 3 days ago because of porn. I guess it started though, way before I even met him, when I found out he had been to a prostitute yrs ago... that put me off..... I found out he went to strip clubs before my time.... that put me off..... so I guess, I had little respect for him from the early days in our relationship which started 2 1/2 yrs ago.

 

It has been a long haul with him and this is not the first time we have broken up because of porn and other issues in the relationship. THIS TIME, I AINT GOING BACK, NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS TO GET OVER HIM, I AM NOT GOING BACK.

 

Even in the early days of our relationship, he would totally stare at females and have that look on his face that he has when making love to me. I knew early on in the relationship that he fantasized with practically any female that had boobs and a vagina. ( I am not sure what words are allowed on this site... I do hope I havnt broken a rule here, if so, I do apologize) Anyway, it would be very humiliating for me as he stared and because it went for so long, the female would pick up on it and then be glaring at me!!!

 

If we were driving along and he saw a female, he would slow the car right down and after driving past her, would then keep on looking out of the rear vision mirror. It used to hurt me badly and so many times i thought "what the hell am I doing with this guy"?

 

I knew he was also doing porn and we had many many fights abt his drooling over females and porn and the fights never achieved anything. It would always be the same yelling, same words, same conversation over and over again without any achievement.

 

He planned a trip to China without me knowing abt it and even had sex with a chinese girl whom couldnt speak english. We broke up and then he came crawling back to me again and dumb me took him back.

 

So many times he never wanted sex with me as he had already had sex with his porn. I might add that men do find me attractive, I look after myself and I am not a carpet mat in bed.... we did have a very exciting time if he hadnt whanked off to his porn within the last 24 hrs.

 

Many times I told him he had to chose between his porn or me and many times he lied to me. His latest excuse was "I need to make sure it still all works".... yeah right mate..... that was the lie that made the decision for me.

 

So, last Sunday was the last straw for me. How can you have a full relationship with a partner who is also in a relationship with them?

 

I wont change him, I cant change him and it has taken all this time to wake up to the fact that I shouldnt be changing him anyhow. Instead of this negativity in a relationship, I can find someone who will not create this negativity. No male is gonna say to me "I have a right to cheat on you with porn as it is natural", cause many men are happy to be devoted to their partner.

 

I thought that is why you are in a relationship? its about commitment to each other and this dumb blonde has finally gotton out of this relationship that has started to make me a complete nervous wreck, I cannot trust him, he lies that much he does not even realise he is doing it, he has made me feel dirty and unclean because of his past history as well as the porn. He has degraded females.

 

You men out there who want to defend porn... you defend your porn but us females are humans, we are not sex objects, you guys are the ones with the problem not us. And not all of u do porn, only some of you.

 

I am now on my own, Its early days but I will never ever ever chose to get into a relationship again where the guy cannot live with his porn.

 

Its sleazy, humiliating to the partner, its made me feel worthless and unattractive... and that is healthy? I dont think so. If something is good, it gives you a good wellness, not a negative depressing feeling

[engagedkitty]

engagedkitty ... it was on tv like a couple of months ago. They actually caught men by posing as a 12 year old in a chat room with men who like teenagers ( they set up a time to meet these men and it actually worked, the police were there to catch these men.) Also one guy brought his daughter..so sick.

 

here i found it for you!

 

link removed

 

 

you can always check the garbage bin on the computer, or the internet history? or run a virus scan lol. but i mean he can delete it after he looks at it, so it's very hard to catch someone.

 

Thank you for the link, I can't wait to read! I could check the garbage and all that, but he's very crafty. He has a computer tech certification so he knows how to make anything disappear, lol.