Sensitive

[Ray18321]

I'm sorry but htis may get confusing to you, please read it anyways.Ever since I could last remember, I've felt unhappy with my life. I have great parents, pretty good grades, some friends, but no g/f. I move a lot, but thats not the problem(maybe a cause). The reason I'm so depressed is cause whenever the tiniest thing goes wrong or I'm not happy with, I get really depressed. I guess you can say I'm a perfectionist. I always have to be the best, be loved, be wanted, or at least have a girl like me. I'm what you'd call a loner and i'm always quiet in class. I get really shy around people and I feel peer pressured by others because I'm afraid. I'm not afraid because I feel unconfident or have low self-esteem, but rather vise versa. You're probably lsot by now cause I'm moving through different topics.

 

What I'm trying to say is that I'm overly sensitive to everything, including grades, worring about assignments even if they aren't due for a long time, not being liked by girls (I get plenty of "family love" though). I'm sure that thers a girl out there who admires a guy, but I dont feel like any girl could love me or they hide it very well.

 

I have seen a counselor about my shyness and she says it might be because of genes. Seeing her hasn't helped me much so far.

[OmegaMan]

LOL Shyness caused by Genes! That's prepostreous! I agree with you, this person doesn't seem to know what she is talking about.

 

Honestly, don't you think shyness is caused by low self-esteem? I don't see what else might be the cause of that. If you have some good self-esteem, you should trust yourself around people, and trust yourself about assignments, knowing you will be just fine.

 

What do you think?

[sweetharmony]

Hi there Ray,

 

it sounds like you were doing the right thing by going to a counselor. yes, genes perhaps play some role in personality, but so does environment, etc... some people have chemical imbalances and others have depression b/c of situational circumstances. Shyness is not a genetic disorder-it is a personality trait that can be overcome through dedication. shyness can be an effect of deeper issues like depression (as you say you have), but you need to really get to the root of your depression so you can make changes. things can change if you are willing to get help.

 

perhaps you should seek advice of another counselor. it sounds like you put way too much pressure on yourself. you can develop confidence by doing things you enjoy- develop other areas of your life. join a club or hobby that you like. develop nre interests. focus on getting good grades, but don't make it the center of your world. love yourself b/c you are worth it. when you love yourself and love your life, and have varied interests, people will love you. it takes time, effort and help from a counselor...but if you keep trying, it will happen. sensitivity can be a good quality (that women like) but when it borders on worries and perfectionism, it can be debilitating.

 

good luck.

 

let go of that which you have no control over.

[Ray18321]

Ty. I do believe everyone is great no matter what others think.

 

It kinda worries me that this sensitivity might cause some problems within my relationships. I get angry/depressed/jealous very easily...I guess I'll just have to learn to control myself and hope for the best.

 

Oh and I have real trouble in public speaking. Head goes blank, my whole body (especially my neck) start to shake and my throat musle weakens so that I can barely whisper. Imagine how embarrasing it is to be shaking like that. I feel like I haven't eaten all day. That weak shakeyness from you're muscles and nervous. To know they must be laughing at you in their heads. I acually heard a laugh from the back of the class theother day when I was trying ot present withmy group infront of the class. I was shaking so bad and i get really clumsy. It's really traumatizingAnyone have suggestions? I've tried everything I could think of. It's like some kind of natural reaction. I can't even imagine myself facing hte class room because of the fear. It's like I need stronger nervous or something.

 

I need help bad

[surfdog]

Hey Pal...Hang in there...try doing some things you're good at...sports?...other activities...this will build confidence...if you have to speak in class pactice before hand...watch what you eat because it had an effect on your nervous system (ie caffine and sugar are not god, they make your nerves go up and down....good luck...work on building confidence!

[Karibo]

The only people who would laugh at you are insensitive and have low self esteem themselves - they try to put others down to make themselves feel better. Ignore these kinds of people. Most people will be sympathising and empathizing with you when you are up there speaking - i think most people get very nervous doing public speaking. My hands used to shake, my voice used to shake, and my face would go bright red and what made it worse was that i knew this was visible, but the key is to try not to worry or think about it too much before you start. the day before you do another talk, only imagine it going well, imagine the feeling of success you will experience when you have finished. Do not think of things going wrong - just try and think positively.

I agree that you should join a few clubs - i know it's scary meeting new people and doing new things, but in order to progress through life, people need to push themselves beyond their comfort zones. I've just started at college and I know how daunting it can be meeting and talking to new people, but if you show a genuine interest in others and ask them questions about themselves (people like talking about themselves) you will find people appreciating your understanding of them. Try to think up a few questions in advance that you could ask people about themselves - this will build you with more confidence.

Try not to worry too much about your studies - yes they are important, but there are far more other important things in life. Live your life for now, this is not a dress rehearsal, try to live life without regret.

I hope this has helped you. Good luck.