I think I might be falling for my friend.

[Clementine orange]

OK, I've had a bad summer and fall doesn't really look like it's shaping up to be that great either (however, it's only day one right?). Heartbreak, health problems, career problems - I've had it all this summer.

 

One person who has totally stuck by me is a female friend (I am male) let's call her "K". K basically knows what is going on in my life and has been a listening post for me. We were relatively close before my "summer of hell" but now she is totally sticking very close to me - phone calls "just to say hi", emails, get togethers. It's pretty much totally saving my life here. K is just being sooooo sweet to me. Because she is from a different "section" of my life I don't have as many reminders of crappiness. She never even met my ex. I have really opened up to her about my emotions etc. She's like a breath of fresh air that I really need right now. As well as some minor innocent affection (hugs or smiles etc)

 

However....

 

Now, I think I'm falling for her...I'm starting to look forward a little too much to seeing her and spending a little more time crafting quality emails etc to her. She is actually quite a bit like my ex (during better times), interested, supportive etc and our friendship is similiar to the relationship that I shared with the ex (without sex of course)

 

I don't want to mess up the friendship and I really don't want to fall in love with her. If I pushed her away I know she would be hurt plus I really, really need her at this point. She is one of the few bright points in my life right now. I'm leaning rather heavily on her these days and she seems OK with it.

 

I should mention that (of course) K has a b/f. I have no idea if he knows about our closeness. I can't imagine he'd be happy about it if he did. She never, ever mentions him and I never ask.

 

What on earth am I supposed to do with this? Maybe K is actually interested in me (I've opened up alot to her recently) but...I don't think I'm in any kind of shape to have a relationship even though I'm pretty lonely and starved for affection/attention and uh yeah, sex.

 

What to do?

 

Man I wish my life wasn't so complicated...

[Beec]

What to do?

 

Well, unless you know she is single or ready to be, NOTHING.

 

You rely on her and you might want to think about getting a little separation, but how many times in your life have you wanted a woman to not get her. This is another instance. I think enticing her out of a relationship is not going to work for you in the long run. Let that run it's course, and be there when it does. But watch out for that friendzone.

[itsallgrand]

Yeah, nothing.

 

Start the detachment process with out cutting her out of your life completely. Start turning to other people, expanding out, and generally leaning on her less.

Even when she offers.

 

This seems totally normal and healthy at this point. You can simply thank the stars and her for being there when you really needed it, and move on to the next phase of your life.

 

Which means you are probably feeling more ready to have a good woman in your life to share with. "K" may be filling some of those needs right now; which in same ways may be holding you back from looking elsewhere.

If you are getting generally satisfied, why look elsewhere right?

 

Another thing you might do is start asking more about her life when you do spend time with her.

Start asking and listening to the parts that include her bf. Get to understand and feel that he is real...what he is like...that other side of her life.

 

Not knowing anything about him, never seeing him, it makes it easier to fall into fantasy of what maybe could be.

 

Sounds all very nice to me so long as it is taken in good stride right now.