I cheated on my boyfriend and gave him an STD

[udubgrl]

It's been 3 weeks since the worse day of my life. I had been without my boyfriend for 4 month. We spent 5 months together in Spain studying abroad and he decided to spend the summer in Europe while I came back to the states to work. We discussed whether we should break up or not and we both decided that the best thing would be to stay together. I wasn't happy with the thought of being without him for so long, but since I loved him and we had been together for so long (almost a year and half at the time), I would deal with it. So, we had planned that he would travel around Europe and come back to the states 3 months later and I would fly out to see him in NY. So, the time came for me to buy my ticket to go see him and he decided that it wasn't such a good idea because he didn't like the thought of me spending so much money to go see him. I was heart broken because the whole summer I had been excited about going out there to be with him. So, I was bitter about it all, but decided I would have to wait another month to be with him. Well, one night I went out with some friends and ended up meeting a guy. I was drunk and horny but stood my ground and didn't go further than kissing him. Later on I felt so guilty for what I had done, but kept talking to him and later ended up sleeping with him. I was torn because I loved my boyfriend so much, but also couldn't deal with the fact that he had such a big problem with me flying out to see him like we had planned. So, I decided to wait until saw him to decide if I was going to tell him what I had done. So, the day he got back into town we slept together and things were going good. I knew I had made a mistake sleeping with that other guy. Well, the next day I had gotten a call from my doctor (I had gone in for my annual gyno visit a fews days before) and she told me that I had chlamydia. At was so devasted and I knew I would have to tell my boyfriend because that meant that I had given it to him. So, I told him and he was livid (understandably). He broke up with me and told me to never come see him or contact him again. So, 3 weeks later and after many emotional breakdowns and angry calls from him, I'm attemping to go on with my life and learn from all this, but it's so hard because I've lost my best friend and someone I was hoping to be with for a long time. I'm planning on seeing a therapist for the anxiety and depression that I'm going through. I know this was long and I appreciate those of you that have read this far. If anyone has some advice or words of inspiration I would love to hear it. Thanks.

[Gilgamesh]

hello

 

Well if it were not for the fact that your already paying the price for what you did, I would come down on you hard.

 

I really feel sorry for your Ex, he loved and trusted you. and you pay him back, not only by breaking his heart, but you also gave him the gift that keeps on giving.

 

The best help I can think of is to ask you to really think of what you did, and learn from those mistakes. dont make excuses to justify your actions.

 

You flirted with some guy, you supposedly felt guilty about it, so what you do you have un-protected sex with him.

 

Being drunk is no excuse, you knew exactly what you were doing when you left the house last night. and being "horny" is no excuse either, well wouldnt that be a good excuse, hey honey, guess what, I nailed the secretary today, you know I just got horney, you understand right?

 

I cant say i really feel sorry for you, when people bring it on themselfs, you went out of your way to cheat. You will only be a better person if you learn from all this, not only know what you did, but that it makes permanent changes inside you, so that you will never ever be so inconsiderate and hurtful again.

[optimistic person]

Girl hope that you have learnt you lession people out there have alot of diseases and unfortunetly you had to get one of them from a guy that you did not know for to long and give it to your boyfrined you had for approximately two years. Becareful ok.

 

I believe since you were not sure you should have told him that before and you should have used protection even if he did not want to used a condom then you should have used on yourself too protect him and yourself.

 

The guy you had sex with that gave you the disease, you should have used one with him as well and probably he might have known that he had the disease already and just wanted to spread it.

 

 

Be honest with yourself and love yourself, once you love yourself NO ONE can tell you to have unprotected sex, YOU would say NO.

 

They would know that to use one or leave the relationship.

 

Don't let NO ONE do that to you, stay strong, yes it is going to be hard and it is going to take awhile, but have thrust, faith and loyality in GOD and you will overcome this obsticale in your way.

 

Get treated as soon as possible, go to therapy and discuss everything i mean everything down to the last details, and you can email me and i will encourage you all I can and try to keep your spirits up it is not the end of the world. Ok.

 

I hope this make you understand what is happening in life.

 

Life is not easy, and its a gamble but you have too know how to play the game.

[msphatbooty]

i totally agree with gilgamesh. and i dont want to come down on you to hard because i understand that you are depressed and are hurting, but at the same time think how bad it must have hurt your boyfriend to know tha someone he loved, respected, and trusted could betray him in such a manner. i mean put the shoe on the other foot, if it would have been him that did it we would be bashing him up calling him every name in the book. i work for an std and hiv/aids hotline so now i am going to say how i feel about the unprotected sex, what in gods name were you thinking. luckly chlamydia is simple to cure with an antibotic, what if this guy would have hiv, then you would have been responsible for possibly passing that on to your boyfriend (someone that you love). i am sorry that you are hurting but i hope this was an eye opener for you and that you will not make another mistake like this. i also hope that in the future you will guard your life a little better by using a simple condom for protection.

[Ash]

To me, the key part of what prompted all this to happen is in the middle of your email.

 

You'd made plans to meet your boyfriend, but he called it off because he didn't want you spending money. To be honest, that strikes me as a bit odd. Many couples would treat that kind of thing as a break up, and I suspect that's what you did without maybe even realizing it.

 

Sounds like if he could tour Europe for several months, a plane ticket from somewhere in the states to NYC would not have been such a large expense that he'd want to call off seeing you over it.

 

We've assumed you had unprotected sex with this other man, but you never actually said you did. Although unlikely, based on how this disease affects people, it's not impossible you didn't get it from your boyfriend. You'd had your annual visit, so could have been carrying it for several months possibly unnoticed. Just trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here.

 

You came to this forum for understanding and support, not to be further judged. I hope you don't feel badly about what's already been said in this thread.

 

Long distance relationships are so tricky to deal with. The months apart do odd things to the way you look at things. There are different reasons people sleep with each other. Sometimes it actually does happen because people love each other and want to share, but it isn't always that way. You've found that out. Maybe in a very difficult way, but I honestly don't think it's all that uncommon.

 

All I can think of saying is that life does continue. Things will get better for you. If you were reasonably happy and not depressed before all this happened, then I'd say to try to avoid taking anti-depressants, see if you can pull through without them. You'll heal, both physically and mentally. You'll get through all of this. See if you can turn your feelings around, and become a better person for it.

 

Feel free to send me a PM (Private Message) if you want to. I've been most of the places you have and have a different perspective on things than others.

 

Best of luck, be strong.