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My 3 year gf just left me. I NEED ADVICE


slvrknght8
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I just found this site and I hope someone can give me their opinion or advice. My gf of three years recently broke up with me because all the fighting we have been doing has made her unhappy for quite some time now ( about 4-5 months.). I'm 21 and she's 18 by the way. She says she needs time to think about what she wants. I miss her and realized after she broke up with me that she was the most amazing thing i've ever met. As such, I really need her back, I truly can't live without her. She means the world to me. She has never broken up with me, usually its been the other way around. I've tried everything to get her back. I gave her her Christmas present early since I had already bought it and knew I wouldn't be seeing her anymore. It was a locket that says I LOVE YOU on it but didnt have our pictures in it yet because I wasnt expecting to give it to her so early. I saw her a week later and she was wearing it, but it could be because its a nice looking locket and not because she still loves me. A few days later I ordered a nice DogHouse Repair thing from a florist that included a dozen roses, a Sad Sam puppy, three big balloons, all in a basket. She got it, and called me to say it was nice and thats it. Its been a little over a week now. Like I said, she says she just needs time, but she said that she doesn't know how long its going to be. She even says that she hopes we can go back out in the future. What really hurts me is that she says she doesn't want to ask me to wait for her, that I should see other girls, and that if a guy approached her and asked her out she couldnt promise me that she would say no. Is there a chance that we can work things out or even that there's a chance left for me to get her back?

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hey man

 

I have recently gone throught the same thing myself. I'm going to be straight out honest with you. For the next while it will be hard for you. You just have to stay strong and remain positive. Your girlfriend needs sometime alone. Do not call her, or keep on sending her stuff. She is younger than you and probably not as mature as you are. You guys have been together for 3 years and its probably getting very serious. She is just scared and needs some time to realize her true feelings for you. Dont expect her to come running back to you anytime soon. This is a big decision she will have to make and it will take awhile. If you pressure her into makeing a decision, it will take her longer. She may not be ready for such a serious relationship, as she is still young. She might want some time to figure out who she is and what she wants out of life. She will still love you and have feelings for you but this is jsut something that she has to do. All you can do is sit back and wait, if you want. So told you not to wait so she possible will need a while to think about everything. My advice to you would be to take this time and rediscover who you are. Figure out what you want in life.

 

Hope this helps

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The worst thing you can do when someone is pulling away is to follow them. Every time you call, send her a gift etc its going to make her pull away more.

 

The best thing you can do is not contact her at all, maybe send her an email, or call her once every 2 weeks and just say, I'm here if you want to talk. No "I love you" or "I want you back"

 

I know its hard. The same thing happened with me and my ex. It was the hardest thing i've ever done. After about a month of feeling sorry for myself I decided to move on and didn't look back. 3-4 months after the breakup she decided she wanted me back and you know what... I didn't want her back. It was one of the best feelings i've ever had.

 

Why were you fighting all the time? Try to look at the reason why you broke up and didn't work. I mean I truly loved my ex girl friend but we just were not a good match. You are both still growing up and people change a lot durring this period of their life.

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  • 2 years later...

hey slvrknght8:

 

i was recently in your shoes, and a few things you have to accept RIGHT NOW if you dont want everything to get worse.

 

1). People Change - you can't help that, especially at such a young age (18).

2). She is not the centre of your life - a healthy relationship consist of you having your own life, she having her own life, and you two having a life together. She is no doubt a part of you, but she is not you, you're you.

3). You WILL live without her - you are your own man and guess what? a woman is more attracted to a confident man. Besides, you thought you couldn't live without her, but if you're reading this, you're living, maybe not kicking, but living....right?

4). Pursuer & Distancer Theory - when she pulls away, you have to pull away. pursuing after her will only drive her farther away and see you as a clingy, no self-respect person. create an pro-longed absense, where you are not heard of, seen, talked about, around her....she WILL wonder what you have been up to and she WILL get curious, I guarantee you....this gives her an opportunity to miss you. this is what everyone is talking about, the NO CONTACT rule. However, its not a game for you to get her back, it is used to help get both you and her heads straight, and all the thoughts logicallized (a word? lol). If she comes back, you KNOW she is back for you, and not because of sympathy. Again, WALK AWAY A DIGNIFIED MAN.

 

This is what i have to offer you....the next 2-3 weeks will be very hard, i am not gonna lie, it is going to be very painful. she will be on your mind 24/7. But ask yourself, do you want to be dogged by a girl? or do you have your own piece of mind? hold your head up, know you're all that....SHE was the one that was lucky to have you.

 

it is too late to ask what ifs...it is over. look at it, and smile...oh and go to the gym. Hey...you never know, you're new found confidence gained from this pain may just be more attractive to her if she ever sees u again...BUT remember, you're doing this for youself, not her....

 

sorry if this sounds harsh, i really hope you pull through dude, chin up!

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Perfect...listen to this post..I thought I wrote this exact thing myself because it's something I would back completely. You will be more confident when you are over her, and then as she comes around and starts to check up she will be putting the nail in her own coffin for you. You will start to see that this girl has nothing to offer or say and be soooooo happy that you are over her. Then be more carefree and confident to attract the next girl.

 

It's a trade off..she dumps you and gets the instant gradification, and you are in pain for a long while...Then she trys to get you back but it's too late...You feel way better, a new better person for the rest of your life..she can live with the what if for the rest of her life.

 

Only if you stick to the plan, stay away from her and if she contacts you keep it short so she knows nothing about what your up to.

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I would like to share my story as well. My girlfriend of 3 years recently (6 weeks ago) said she needed some time and space to think things out. I'm afraid that I have messed things up significantly in my actions the 2 weeks immediately following the break announcement. I constantly contacted her, cried to her, begged her, made extreme affectionate actions. However, since then, I've toned down the contact. I've called her about once a week, sent her a few emails (all friendly). I've refrained from talking about the situation (except for once, when she kind of brought it up). I'm wondering where to go now with it. Should I initiate No Contact at once, or would that look weird since I've been talking to her about once a week anyways. There's much more to this story, but I'd prefer to talk about it over email, as I'm afraid she may check this site.

 

Please email me at email removed

 

Thank You

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