Why would she 'cheat'?

[studbaker99]

well - me and my girl have a fun (albeit not too lovey dovey) relationship - we've definitely been exclusive and used the L word, and spend a lot of the time together and with common friends. I'd say things are good and stable, and I wouldn't call it boring - we do something almost every weekend, so if I had to describe this past year its been fun and exciting. The point is, we're good partners in crime and I'd like to think she enjoys our time together or, as she says 'she wouldnt be with me'. I feel likewise.

 

But - and this topic is a bit racy - there's a darker side of her that (from previous posts - me finding out through her email) for a period of time, had her looking on craigslist for meetings with random hookup guys (don't think she met up with anyone tho).

 

Mind me - we've 'played' once with another couple so I'm not totally closed to having an open relationship. She could easily try and talk me into adding a third person into the fun (and if these other people are married, easier for me to know nothing would really get too much out of hands) - and this is something I would be open to. Like she once said, while talkin about our swingin livin to our friends - you get the best of both worlds - playful fun with other people and then come back to your loved ones.

 

So - why would she hide this? why 'cheat'? why tell me something to my face and mean something else when maybe the truth would be just fine? I could even understand if she was a bit more like me - more capricious and for lack of better word, 'scheming' or 'angsted', but she's been nothing more than accept-me-for-who-i-am-or-hit-the-highway and 'what you see is what you get' kinda person... except for this.

[Hope75]

Well, It would seem to me that once you blur the lines of fidelity by sleeping with other couples and threesomes, you open the door to wanting to explore with other partners, and perhaps to her there really isn't much difference whether she does it with you or not.

 

If you want a monogamous relationship, perhaps cutting out the third and fourth parties and remaining exclusive to one another and valuing that commitment and exclusivity you will show her that being intimate is something that is shared exclusively between two partners who love each other, and not something fun to explore with anyone.