Urgent I need a male perspective!!!!

[jaded4life]

Okay Fellas, I am desperate for some insight here. SO please be brutally honest, Yes I said brutally! And Please Please Reply Pronto.

I am feeling blue 2 night. I am about 3.5 months post break-up from a man 10 years my elder. We dated off and on for 3 years however we did date, it was never a satisfactory level for me. See this man is divcorced his wife cheated, yada yada yada, and I tried to be patient, but when my birthday came and went without even a card it broke my heart. NO that was not the only reason, see he could never give me the substantial "we are in a Loving commmitment", he always got so close and pulled back. ON night we sat and talked, as I recall this event it brings tears to my eyes. he told me that I was so wonderful and beautiful and that he did not know what I saw in him. He confessed that my age and appearance made him scared of me. Which I think is a bunch of bull, yet it was a nice gesture. I am attractive, and his friends tell me that I could have anyone that I wanted, but I do not think so, I do think that I have major insecurities, otherwise I would not have gotten involved woth someone who emotionally neglected me. ANyway onto my problem... this ex of mine lets call him jo, is a big pot lover, which I believe impacts his emotional health, he is so fickle. One day he loves me 3 months later he is distant withdrawn, stops calling.I am telling you guys I have wnet insane trying to love this man, which I still do. I ended it on JUne 21, b/c I could not take it anymore, I just blew up on him, he had cheated, lied, and hurt me and I hated myself for allowing it. One week later he left a message while I was at work to say that despite everything he still cared for me deeply, amd that oneday I was going to make some man very happy, but it could not be him b/c he did not hav ehis head screwed on right. Well I cried and replayed it 1000x...ONe week after that he was already dating and rumor had it that they were very serious. So fellas how can you tell one woman I can not commit, and then commit to another one. FYI this woman is not attractive, no I am not saying this to be mean, but she is very plain, cute but not all that. Anyway is he rebounding? He also called my grandmother oneday while he is dating this woman and tells my grandma that he loved me dearly and always would and that he never meant to hurt me, but everything had just gotten so messed up, he did not know how to fx it all. I never responded to that, I figured he was right that we could never fix it. So if you loved a woman dearly how could you not try to win her back and how the hell can you form a relationship with another one so soon. DO you think he ever thinks of me, I just need someone to help me see the reality in all of this. Please help.............................Fool in love

[dksh44]

im no expert but being thru the same kinda relationship my ex was 11yrs younger than me im 44 she was 33 she didnt even drink now she is every weekend taking xanex bars she left me for a 400 pound cocaine dealer with mucho denario!! im about 180 6 ft any way you dont need that crap kick his a** to the curb !!! for sure he thinks of you and prob it was a rebound you need to hold that head up and no contact seems the best way for me to heal i tried the contact thing fell right on my face and in jail a epo violation for sending her a rose and a teddy bear!!! nice lady for sure lol!! it will get better i promise you just need some closer and then kick his drug a** to the curb!!!! surround your self in friends hobbies and a bf if ur interested i didnt go that route yet still love the demon but slowly she is working out of me!! then maybe i can have faith in myself again to carry on with the person i was before i was devasted by the breakup!! YOU WILL HEAL!! Good luck from kentucky!!!!

[Gilgamesh]

I think your Ex, may be a little intimidated by your looks, and it seems this is something of an issue with you, because in an earlier post you mention this other girls "plain looks" twice. sometimes guys want to be with someone that feels that they are their equal, not with someone that thinks they are better than them whether it be true or not.

 

I am an average looking guy, but if I happened to be involved with some knockout model type chick, I dont think Id be very comfortable with it, especially when looks are such a big concern to her, like they seem to be with you. I mean, why even bring up this other girls looks? what is it thats really bugging you? is it that he would prefer to be with this "average" looking girl than with a "I can have any man I want" girl like you?

 

maybe you really love him, but I cant say I blame him for doing what he did, seems to me that he knows love isnt just skin deep, personality has a lot to do with it too.

 

I want someone that makes me feel special, not someone that thinks I should feel that way because i am with them.

[Ash]

It does sound like he was having a bit of an emotional struggle with the whole thing, as you seem to be now.

 

It is possible he's with somebody so quickly, but is still very fond of you. He may have found that after having you in his life like he did, he was desperate to be with somebody, anybody else. On the rebound in other words. So yes, he picked up with somebody else.

 

I would think he does think of you. But the fact somebody else has come along will certainly steer him away of trying to win you back I suspect. I can't know for sure, but it seems quite possible.

 

Sorry. I know it must hurt an awful lot.

[jaded4life]

Listen I will try to be discreet and rational with my response, but you have read me all wrong. I NEVER said that I was all that, I NEVER said that I could have any man I wanted, and I am not all about appearances! Yes, I am being defensive b/c that hurt. I do have a personality, I am a very compassionate, loyal, giving person, yet he never saw that.

 

I wanted brutal honesty b/c I can not fathom loving someone and turning my back on them, do you understand? I do not like MR. GQ, my ex was not above average in appearance, yet to me he was beautiful. I am sorry you misunderstood, yes it seems these days everything is about appearances, not just personalities. If I told you that she was a model and I was plain, you would say that he was just attracted to her body. I guess I will never know what is going on inside his head. So let me ask you, how would you feel if the one you loved was in another's arms tonight? Would it not make you feel like something is wrong with you. He knew I loved him, but just like you said before he could not return it, so he moved on to his next clean plate, she is all brand new and not jaded. I do not have grandiose illusions of my appearance I was just clarifying the facts! All I know is that if I loved someone, beautiful or not, you can bet your ass I would not be laying beside another person, I would move mountains to be with the one I loved. For this man I gave everything, in return I got hurt.

So tell me what type of personality does it take to not get your heartbroken? I am not fake or immature, From my point of view, I am of average appearance, intelligent, passionate, loving human being. NO I am not perfect, nor do I ever claim to be. I have many insecurities at times b/c of his repeated rejections; I am not spineless. Just hopelessly in love.....

[Cid]

Not to get your hart broken I dont think that a person whants to get there hart broken. The only thing I can say is dont open up to quickly and make him give something back in return, a relasinship is a two way street not a one way street. Well I hope that this helps.

[JokersWild53]

jaded, i cannot speak for every man out there, and the positon im in....from my post is kinda on both of your sides....i did the wrong and i want my ex back....however i can speak for everyone when i say, I promise he hasn't forgotten you, and until he realizes how to get you back then he shall, i think about my ex everytime i hear a song we used to listen to, everytime i walk by a familiar place we used to go, everything that was familiar to me....and to her reminds me of something i used to have and im sure it does the same to him....im not sure what this means because everyone tells it to me...but give it time, let things work themselves out. be strong but dont forget him either...hope this helps in anyway