He called again...

[everythingchanges456]

So...For those who have been following my threads....last night he called invited me over later after dinner then cancelled an hour later. Called later to explain that he just got home and it was probably better he just rest up for work.

 

Today after work he text saying "how was work" about 40 minutes later he called to see if I received his text message. I had another called so told him I'd call him back. Them about 1/2 hour later called back...spoke for about 10 minutes about nothing exciting then he said okay I just got in so I'm going to go get some stuff done...and that was it.

 

I was prepared to turn down any invitation to get together that night but none came...maybe I missed his time frame by calling him back over a 1/2 hr after his call (and 1 1/2 hrs after he originally tried to text) haha....no invitation to get together at a future date either. Just a how are you how was your day ok talk to you soon call. Odd.

 

So he's called every day the last three days...we missed eachother's calls Monday. Chatted for a couple quick min yesterday...made plans and canceled then chatted for 10 minutes today...and i had a rough day so had no excitement to add to the conversation. i don't know what to make of it

[everythingchanges456]

I just think that it's strange he didn't ask me out when he called. He spoke about the holiday weekend coming up...but didn't say hey want to do something? Is he shy with women...with dating...is he thinking he'll get to know me a little by phone first....is this normal? He certainly doesn't strike me as shy.

[Miss M]

What if he didn't ask you out when he called because he didn't want to ask you out? Could you accept that?

[everythingchanges456]

Sure I could except it. Frankly, the more time the passes with him NOT asking me out the less interested I'm becoming. I don't see the point inn why he would be calling if he's not interested. If he's calling, thereforeeee, I don't see whey he doesn't bring up seeing one another. I find it odd.

[Miss M]

What if he's calling because he's hoping you'll lose your resolve and have sex with him? I mean, a swim suit, and a hot tub?... at his home? Sounds like a guy looking for sex to me.

 

And what's your take on how he seems to you?

[everythingchanges456]

Yes, I suppose time will tell on that one. He DID invite me over for the hot tub and drinks but THEN canceled one hour later. Called the following night just to chat and see how my day was for 10 minutes or so...no mention of coming over or going out. Although, I had to call him back so perhaps had I been available when he called initially that would have been his plan...I don't know if his goal is simply sexual or getting to know me. We'll see how it plays out. I tend to think he wants to get to know me seeing as though we've had more conversation than face time at this point!

 

I have a friend who says he may be waiting for me to take the initiative for a date and that I should bring something up or in some way attempt to get the ball rolling. He has on two occasions mentioned that he liked it that I was direct. BUT...I've decided to go with the wait and see approach right now because I'm confused by his intentions...or if his personality is just one of apprehension or honestly being shy about asking for dates.

 

I do want him to pursue me to an extent (though, I will be sure the effort of showing interest in NOT one sided)....and ask me out.

 

I'm not going to give it much thought ... my initial anxiousness over it has dissipated ... not that I'm not still interested in getting to know him but I'm more cautious about it all now and more involved in other things.

 

I do toss back and forth the idea of not answering when / if he calls again and seeing if he leaves a message to invite me out some time...respond and if not then I won't.....or the idea of taking the bull by the horns if he calls tonight and talks about getting together inviting him to dinner w/me at my friends house tomorrow night. Ultimately, I'll decide when he calls.

[Batya33]

He knows how to ask you out or at least knows how to ask you if you want to hang out because he has done so twice. he also was not shy about being all over you when you were at his house. This is not about shy, but about motivation. My guess is he can't be bothered to make advance plans with you and he believes you will be available last minute this weekend just like you were last weekend and Monday night. He can be bothered to call you and chat with you when he has a few minutes.

 

If you want the potential for something long term I would let him ask you out on a proper date in public that he plans in advance. If your priority is to see him ASAP invite yourself over to his house or hot tub. Neither approach is right or wrong, just different and the latter one requires you to be very honest with yourself about your expectations, if any.

 

Your story reminds me a little of a guy I had one date with in the mid 1990s. He called me the following Monday and for 45 minutes chatted and vented about his lack of direction in life (career). Then he said, dejectedly, that he had to go. I said (this is the only time I've ever been this blunt) "what?? you're not going to ask me out??" he made some lame excuse about having too much on his plate and ended the call. I too was confused as to why he would call someone he barely knew to chat and vent if he wasn't interested in seeing me again.

[Miss M]

I agree that he doesn't seem shy. In fact, I don't think shyness is a factor in his behavior at all.

 

I was just rereading and noticed something else you wrote.

...maybe I missed his time frame by calling him back over a 1/2 hr after his call (and 1 1/2 hrs after he originally tried to text) haha....no invitation to get together at a future date either. Just a how are you how was your day ok talk to you soon call. Odd.

If his "time frame" for asking you for a date is truly that narrow (1 1/2 hrs???) I'd think he doesn't really want to date you. If he really wants to date you he will feel that way for a lot longer than 1 1/2 hours, truly. And if you're rushing to call him back, (or calling/texting him 2 times in a row) because you don't want to miss the narrow window of opportunity, it's an indication to him of your over-eagerness. He might even read your behavior as an indication that your own time frame for wanting to cuddle/kiss with him is very wide indeed. And so he knows that whenever he calls you, you'll drop everything to be with him, because you have such a disproportionately wide time frame. Keeping busy with other friends/activities (like he's been doing) is a healthy and balanced way to live your life, but it also naturally narrows your own time frame so a man won't assume you're always at his beck and call. He clearly knows you're interested in him because you've given him plenty of clues. But YOU don't know if HE's interested in you, so it's unbalanced.

[HarleyHunny]

Sounds to me like you're his SECOND choice. He makes a 'date' with you when he has nothing to do, then something better comes along.....I'd stop answering the phone and start deleting the text, if I were you....

[Miss M]

Good points HarleyHunny. Men who make and break dates that fast are kinda fishy IMO. And "mom" could be code for "the other women that I'm dating/sexing." Of course that's pure speculation, but I do wonder if he's really spending that much time with his mother?

 

And to ETC, "something better" doesn't mean the other woman is actually "better" than you are. It could just mean that she was more willing to jump into bed with him. Don't take the word "better" as being a comment that you're somehow "worse," because you certainly aren't. I know HH didn't mean it that way, but just thought I'd make that point anyway.

[Batya33]

The point here is that he hasn't asked her out for a real date. He's called her last minute a few times to ask her to hang out in his house or his hot tub. People do have to cancel dates and sometimes last minute especially during the week because of work, etc. - it depends on the excuse and also depends how hard they try to reschedule (same with new friends, too, where you're getting to know each other and want to be extra reliable - not just a dating thing).