ready to move forward?

[DeeTeeCee]

i wasn't sure whether this should be in 'dating' or 'healing' but seeing as how dating has not begun for me as of yet, i'll stick to healing.

 

short background: unhealthy relationship ended about 5 months ago by her, i was in bad shape for a bit but realized quickly how unhealthy the relationship was and haven't had too much trouble getting over it within that time. sure i still have lingering thoughts of her but for the most part i'm fine with not having her in my life any longer.

 

fast forward to a month or so ago, a friend of mine told me she would like to introduce me to someone, someone who attends the same art school that i do, someone who'd understand the workload and pressure of our program, as long as i was up for it. i was half ready to jump into a new relationship and half hesitant knowing that i shouldn't just leapfrog into something new.

 

i said i'd be interested in meeting her once she gets back from her internship in New York earlier next month (sept), and from what my friend told me she sounds like a chill and fun individual. i also saw a couple of pictures of her and she's quite cute

 

anyways, i guess i still have some things that are holding me back on this; i am mostly worried that the effects of my previous/only relationship will have some backlash on me once i start dating again. I may seem fine right now, but i'm just afraid that any baggage i have with my ex will resurface and be dumped on someone new, which is basically what occurred during that first relationship (me on the receiving end of her baggage).

 

i'm also starting to worry that these thoughts will prevent me from really taking the proper steps to move forward and start anew, that i'll be reserved and defensive to a unproductive/unhealthy level, that knowing how i'd been hurt before i'll guard myself overly and just not let anyone get too close.

 

i'm hoping that knowing that my ex did exactly this sort of thing to me throughout our relationship will help me to realize how much it sucks for another person you are in a relationship with, but you never know. good intentions don't always = good actions.

 

anybody who's experienced this sort of situation who can offer some solace/advice? part of me really wants to get to know new people and start dating again, but at the same time part of me feels so weary and scarred from the previous relationship that it wants to shut me off from really allowing myself to be open with people.

 

maybe i'm just being nervous/self-conscious about specifically meeting someone new.

[Entropy Smith]

Maybe if your really scarred from your previous relationship and are such a victim perhaps building a bunker and leaving society altogehter would be a prudent thing to do.

[DeeTeeCee]

obviously i get your sarcasm and that you're perhaps telling me 'its not so bad' in your own way. i agree with that, but i'm just trying to take steps to not be reckless and to be more aware of what's going on within me and how it affects me and others. you sound like a level-headed person, but your response didn't seem all that well-intentioned nor concerned with anything i had to say, besides giving me some sort of 'man up' message.

[Entropy Smith]

You need to learn about relationships and dissecting your past one will help you get over it as well as not make the same mistakes again.

 

Studying relationships is like a martial art, it never ends and is a life long journey but the power ye shall yield even as a yellow belt...

[1guygirl]

if you even have to ask....then id say youre prob not ready

 

after all theres no rush is there...

[benga]

if you even have to ask....then id say youre prob not ready

 

after all theres no rush is there...

 

I would agree entirely.....