Parental Induced Stress

[charmed]

Hi Everyone !

 

It's been a while since I put a topic in, and I feel today that I should.

 

Why today - because today, like happens every few weeks, I have had a huge bust up with my parents. I get very very angry with them, and shout a lot at them when we fight - and simply put - it's their fault. The cause of the fights are sometimes mine, but the way the fights last is a result of their lack of adaption over the years - they are simply the same. I'm 26, and over the years they have treated me exactly the same as when I was 8 to when I was 18 - like a child. Today, this hasn't really changed.

 

My mother is a control freak and has deep rooted issues about how she has had a "tough life", and my father is controlled by her and thus is similar in thinking during these episodes - so it turns into 2 against 1 fights and they never accept my point of view. I'm quite intelligent, and if I make a point that is 100% valid, they will dismiss the point as "rubbish" as they can't believe my opinions. My Father is 63, and my mother is 58. I would like to add that I do believe that their intentions are good - it's just that they are out of touch with "me". I am very very stressed at this point in time as we are presently undergoing one of the silences that we go through after I stop talking to them again. My dad is hurt, and I hate seeing him sad, my mother is like a stubborn cat and is well up for a fight anytime.

 

Before you answer this topic, I've just signed up for 4 years of college and as a result, will be living at home - so this is something that I need to get to grips with as it is simply going around in circles.

 

So my question is this to the forum. How does one cope with parents who simply can't resist interfeering in your life like this?

[S4il]

I sense a lot of unanswered questions about your post, i think you need to stay positive, and look into the future for yourself, not worrying about what your parents said or think, they have said what should not be said in the past so many times. i think it's time you look out for yourself, and what is best for you. this college thing is great, i will give you some space away from home, hopefully resulting in a good solid education, bringing in some money to help set-up a place of your own. An ideal place to live would be a small apartment, a place where you can call "your home" and have your set of rules, close to college but far away from home.

 

frustrated is the initial feeling i got while reading your post along with being hurt, b/c your parents don't agree with you on (what you make it seem like) anything, must suck and i can relate to that feeling, but not as much as you make it seem like, almost an unappreciated feeling you get, like your not welcome, I'm not sure how society over seas is but at age 26 and still living at home is sort of NOT COMMON in the United States.

 

having a close contact family to stay in touch with while attending school is always available. and can sometimes be a blessing, when times get hard. maybe this "nagging" and arguing going on between your parents is there way of telling you to get out. but at the same time if you did...than who would they start fights with. Themselves....a possibility?

 

If you disembark from Home, for a while..staying in school as much as possible, i think that will generate some "off Time" for you. allowing your mind to clear itself and refresh. in-part keeping your mind on college, not what is taking place at home, i think if you stay strong and work threw all this bad karma, good will come out of it..it's just a matter of time, if you need more help, or feel like talking more just P.M. me I'm always around

[charmed]

Hi !

 

Yes - they fight (verbaly) with each other, and always had - it's the only way my mother communicates.

 

It is quite normal for people my age to live at home in Ireland - and in fact the age is getting older and older over here. I had been living out of home, but moved home to go to college. My parents are funding me through college, so moving out is not an option, since I have no job to support myself.

 

These situations don't happen very often - maybe one out burst a month. I don't let them get to me usually - I've had to learn to bounce them off - and even when they try to argue, I simply walk out the door as they are talking and don't listen to them !

 

What I'm looking for is a proven way of dealing with interfeering parents like this that will be effective. I couldn't get any study done last night, ended up being awake till 3am, and then this evening when I complained about being disturbed with more arguments at 2 am while studying and preparing for sleep, all I was told was that "they didn't sleep either". As I told them, thats their own fault, and they kept me up too.

 

Another great example of their logic is this. Up until the age of about 22, they had a house rule that I had to be home before 12 on a weeknight. If I didn't they would be on the phone straight away to me. Even though I got up on time in the mornings, they simply wouldn't put up with it, and used to blame me for "keeping them awake" because they were worried about me. When I asked what was different about saturday nights when they let me come home whenever, I would get "don't talk rubbish" and they would not entertain any conversation.

 

You see that this communication is not about logic, but about control -and they feel the need to exercise their control over me whenever they can - as if just to make me toe the line. ???

[materia_goddess]

hey charmed!

 

i know in my last post where i lost it, you wrote in saying that my parents only mean the best for me, they just suck at showing it.

 

our situation is probably different, but i feel i can understand your frustration.......they act like you dont have other worries outside of your family life. they dont understand you and your situation......or how you feel and or cope with that situation. i think the problem here is that your (and my) parents are doing a little too much talking, and not enough listening and understanding.

 

just last night, AGAIN i got another lecture from my dad. i finally realised what was getting me so stressed! yes it is the exams.....but mainly my dad....as a whole!

 

my dad can strike fear into my heart just by saying my name. i can remember, when i was really young, even before the age of 8 (like you said) he was treating me like a mature person....that if i spelt a word like "many" wrong in year 1 i would cop the biggest lecture......i used to cry, but try and hold it in....at the age of 6!!!! he probably thought that hard training while young, would pay off later on.....but al it has done is made me more afraid of him.......so much that some times when i think about it, or when he talks to me i hate him..........NO LOVE AT ALL. and sometimes he drives me so far that i start to look at him, not as a father, but as a stranger.....who i dont like.

 

the point is, some parents dont realise the faults of their own actions, but rather make sure to point it out in their children, perhaps to shadow their own. i cant give you any advice on how to fix this, because i dont even know how to deal with my situation.........all i can say is that I UNDERSTAND!

 

if anything else happens where you need to talk (that feeling happens to me alot) then drop us a line yeah!