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I have a friend who I've known through work in Seattle for a few years. About 12 months ago things changed and we became much closer, flirting, long chats and constant emailing.


We laughed at the same things, shared the same interests and became "best friends". We started to go out together outside of work. Sometimes twice a week to films and shows. I never once tried to take things further. She constantly said nice things like how I knew her and understood her better than anyone in her life. I complimented her, praised her, was there for her. We were soul mates.


She was at a low ebb after a previous relationship and I didn't want to force the issue as I didn't want her to think of me as being just like other guys. She had not had a boyfriend for over a year. Was this where I made my mistake?


We went around a lot together and quickly realised that I wanted to spend my life with her. So earlier this year, I told her how I felt about her. I told her she was the most beautiful person I had ever met inside and out! She told me she had never thought of us like "that". Yes she had considered it, but just couldn't imagine us like that. I know it wasn't a physical thing because we had both admitted that we were attracted to one another.

I felt my life was at an end. I wanted her friendship still, but it hurt so much to realise that was all she wanted.


We had a period of time where things were difficult and we had long spells of not talking and the odd row thrown in. Then recently things got a lot better again. We flirted, we sent text messages through the night. We even talked about going out again outside work. Things were heading the right way again. This all started suddenly and I couldn't work out the sudden change in mood.


It all started on a Thursday a three weeks ago when she was on a training course. She can never remember her mobile number and texted me asking for it very early one morning. Loads more texts followed, along with long phone calls and a real change when she returned to the office. Just while chatting by email one day I mentioned the early text for the phone number. She confessed it was to give to a guy who wanted to keep in touch. She admitted she was now dating him and was in fact going out with him again that night. I was speechless and she sensed an attitude in me. Was that a surprise to her?


She has said she won't mention it again because it is obviously a touchy subject with me. Too right it is. Every time I think of it, it tears me apart.


Why has she only wanted things to be the same with us now she's dating someone?


Am I a security blanket?


Am I an idiot?

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I had a similar situation, but on a much, much smaller scale (not as long, emotionas weren't as much, etc...) and what I gathered from my experience is that there comes a time in the relationship at which a woman will only see a man as just a friend because she doesn't want to risk the friendship through a bad breakup. I'm not sure if that's always the case, but it was for me. I've moved on, but it was rather simple for me, since I only knew this person for about 2 months. You could stay friends with her...maybe eventually she will see that you are the best person for her that's out there after a few failed relationships. If I were you, I'd stay friends with her. If you are as close as you say you are, she probably trusts you, so she'll probably tell you everything that's bothering her, and you can be there for her. There's nothing wrong with being a security blanket.

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I'm sorry that she did this to you, but it is a bit like what Mickey Pie said, if you are firends with girls, there is a certain point where we don't want to risk the friendship over something more. Although her telling you in the beginning was her way of trying to tell you she wanted to move further, and you not doing so, most likely made her feel upset or possibly humiliated because she was telling you very personal things about her feelings, and you didn't act on them. So she thought you didn't want a realationship, so her feelings for you that way have gone away.


You're not an idoit, its just girls can be very fickel.


There are two things you can do, you can stay friends with her, if you can deal with her being hurt, when the relationship ends. You can be there for her, and comfort her. And she might notice her feelings for you, but in my intances of this (friends that I liked, but never dated) I never thought they would want me after what I did to them, like date someone else. Or I never thought of them as anything more than a friend ever again. But thats me, it might not be her.


I hope that helped.

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